DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I spent the weekend with old friends -- the first time we have ventured out to be with others since the pandemic started. It was a lovely visit in some ways, but one thing bothered me a lot. My husband and I have been fussing pretty intensely for as long as I can remember, but usually when we are in public, so to speak, he is gregarious. While spending time with others, he often doesn’t pay me much attention. Well, this weekend I became the butt of all of his jokes and venom. It was so uncomfortable. It seemed like whatever I said, he countered it, negated it and blew me off. I tried to ignore him, but at times it was just too much, so I reacted. That just made the situation worse. I have asked my husband for years to go to therapy with me, and he has refused. I want to ask again, but I fear a huge blowup. What should I do? -- Tired of Fighting
DEAR TIRED OF FIGHTING: You should go to therapy on your own. You deserve to be treated better, but for whatever reason, that is not happening in your marriage.
Work with a counselor to get to an understanding of the core of your issues with yourself and your marriage. Invite your husband to join you for therapy, but do not hesitate to go on your own. Something is clearly off if your husband is treating you so poorly. Figure out your role in this interplay and decide what you are going to do about it.
Whatever the reasons may be, you do not have to put up with abusive behavior. Decide what your line in the sand will be as you consider extricating yourself from this toxic environment. If you cannot figure out how the two of you can communicate in a more respectful manner, this marriage may no longer be healthy for you.