DEAR HARRIETTE: I share different secrets with different friends depending on my relationship with each of them. Not one of my friends knows all of my secrets. I have a friend I see only occasionally who just happens to know more about me than another friend I see twice a week. Is this wrong? Does this make me a bad friend? -- Secrets
DEAR SECRETS: Selectively sharing secrets can be viewed as wise or as an accident waiting to happen. What do I mean? It is wise to decide who belongs in your inner circle. Only those individuals should be privy to the most intimate details of your life because they have proven to be trustworthy and respectful of you. That could be one person or many. And your inner circle will likely change a bit over time, depending on the dynamics of your relationships and the experiences that you have together.
The time bomb part of your decision has to do with selectively sharing “secrets.” The very nature of that word suggests that you are hiding something from someone else. Even the most trustworthy people have someone else who is a bestie who may end up being their most trusted confidante. You tell one person, and that person confidentially tells another. Eventually, those secrets start to be revealed, usually at the most inopportune times. This can become problematic when people know each other, if for no other reason than they now begin to question how you value them because you did not share sensitive information with them that you shared with others. It can get messy.