DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend finally broke up with her neglectful boyfriend, but now she is fully leaning on me for emotional support. I have never known my friend when she was not in a relationship with her now-ex-boyfriend. They were incredibly codependent and toxic. I was pleading with her to leave the relationship for many years, and she finally did it. I thought she would be happier and freer now that it is over, but I feel that the emotional support that she relied on her ex for, she is now relying on me for. I can’t handle the pressure, and I’m exhausted. How do I tell her this? -- Co-dependent
DEAR CO-DEPENDENT: You have to speak up and point out to your friend what she is doing. She probably doesn’t realize that she has transferred all of her clinginess from her boyfriend to you. You cannot and should not accept it. Instead, redirect your friend to professional help. She needs to process her life, her relationship with her ex and her path forward with someone who is trained to guide her steps.
Be strong and tell her your thoughts. While you are relieved that she is no longer in what seemed to be a toxic relationship, she still bears the scars of what occurred during their time together. As much as you love her, you are incapable of coaching her through this emotionally draining period in her life. Tell her that you do not have the ability to serve in that role for her.
As her friend, you can help her find a therapist. Ask around for referrals. Encourage her to set up a session and give it a try. In your conversations, pivot when she starts to cling too hard. You will have to draw the line in order for her to stop relying on you.