DEAR HARRIETTE: I send my nephew gifts every year on his birthday. He’s 11 years old -- the exact same age as my daughter. He always tells me how happy these gifts make him. My sister doesn’t do the same for my daughter. She will call her, sing her a little song, or maybe write her a sweet little post on Facebook, but she never sends gifts. Every year I get a little offended. It isn’t like my sister can’t afford gifts; she actually makes more money than I do. Should I approach her about this? -- Don’t Be Stingy

DEAR DON’T BE STINGY: You are talking about your sister. Is there a reason why you have not directly asked her why she hasn’t given your daughter a physical gift? Break down that invisible barrier now. Ask your sister why she has chosen not to send your daughter a birthday present. Listen to her answer. It could be that she thinks her overtures are more meaningful than mere objects.

Let her know that your daughter does appreciate the calls and songs, but that is not the same as a physical gift, at least not in your mind. Point out that you always send her son a gift, and he seems to be happy each time he receives it. Ask her to consider giving her something she thinks your daughter may like next time, along with the song.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For years, my sister and I did not get along. It has become part of my ongoing conversation to talk about how mean and dismissive she is. As I thought about it the other day, I realized that our relationship has improved a lot in recent years. We do not get caught up in the same dynamics that once plagued us. It actually is pretty good between us, but it is hard for me to get the old stories out of my head. I told a friend some things about my sister that aren’t true anymore, and I feel bad about that. How can I close the door on the way things were? -- New Day

DEAR NEW DAY: Start by reaching out to your sister and owning the positive change in your relationship. Thank her for the more mature way you two engage now. Tell her you have noticed it, and you really appreciate it. She may or may not acknowledge what you are saying, and that’s OK. It is important for you to speak your truth, including recognizing that dynamics have shifted and that you are grateful. It is also important for you to understand that the change is also partly due to your behavior. How you react to your sister today is having a direct impact on how she reacts to you. When you stand in your power and guide your own life rather than reacting to others, you make it much harder for them to exercise control over you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been single for almost 10 years now, and I am finding it harder to date as the years go by. I always seem to find something wrong with everyone I come across. I don’t think I’m a picky person, but I just can’t seem to fully relate with anyone. What can I do to be more open in the dating scene? -- 10 Years Single

DEARR 10 YEARS SINGLE: Relax. Accept your life as it is. Notice what you enjoy about your life when you are alone and when you are with friends. Notice what you long for in your life. Be specific. What qualities or interests would you appreciate in a partner? Pay close attention to yourself and what you care about. Make a list of what those things are. Then open your eyes and look around. Who is doing the things that interest you? Who behaves in a way that you find inspiring? If you don’t see people like that, expand your horizons. Get out and be in the company of new people. We can do that again at last!

Participate in group activities that interest you. Put yourself in environments where you can engage in conversation, and just be yourself as you allow others to be themselves. Stop being judgmental. Just enjoy the moment. Don’t go looking for a spouse. Simply be open to those who are interesting to you. That can be a good, easy start.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son recently lost another former classmate to gun violence. He has lost a few classmates over the years, and it really bothers me that he has to go through that. Summer is coming, and I worry that things will escalate again, and he will lose more friends. He seems to be accustomed to this happening, and that bothers me even more. He doesn’t speak much about it, but I feel like he needs to. What can I do to make sure he is processing what is happening around him in a mentally healthy way? -- Concerned Mom

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: Gun violence is real and frightening. That your son compartmentalizes it makes it no less haunting. If he won’t talk to you about the losses in his life, get him a therapist. He should be talking to someone who can help him think through and process his feelings and experiences. His school should have resources available if the violence is occurring in or around it. The same goes for the local community center or Boys and Girls Clubs. Seek out community organizations that can help in an ongoing way.

There are some other resources that may help as well. The Everytown Support Network offers support at bit.ly/3DrO3LH, and each state has an Office of Victim Services, which you can find by searching online.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it inappropriate to share a hotel room with a platonic friend of the opposite sex? My friend and I are planning a trip, and he suggested that to save money we should get one room with separate beds. There has never been anything romantic between us, and I don’t think either of us has a hidden agenda. This would cut the cost of our travel in half, but would it be weird for the dynamic of our friendship? Is this a good idea? -- Travel Buddy

DEAR TRAVEL BUDDY: This is not an unusual thought. Many people share rooms to cut expenses. Especially since you will have separate beds, this seems completely reasonable. To be crystal clear about it, talk to your friend. Ask him if he has any unspoken desires about you, or if he really does just want to travel as your buddy and save dollars at the same time. Listen to what he answers and how he responds to gauge his feelings, but don’t overthink it. State your position on the matter. Make an agreement. And plan your trip.

By the way, do not be swayed by friends and loved ones who may have opinions about your travel arrangements. This is your trip and your business.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that the father I’ve known all my life is not my real father. I am devastated that my mom was not honest with me about this sooner. She says it was for my own good, but I just don’t see how. My biological father is in prison and may be getting out soon, which is why she chose to tell me now. How do I forgive my mother for being dishonest with me all these years? -- Dishonest Mom

DEAR DISHONEST MOM: Your mother had her reasons, and you cannot go back and change that now. What point is there in being angry with her? Instead, get to the bottom of the situation and discover whatever you can about your father, including why he is in prison and whether she expects you will meet him when he is free. That situation needs to be discussed fully so that you are prepared for what may come.

As far as the man who reared you is concerned, the fact that he isn’t your biological father doesn’t take away from the fact that he served as your father all these years. Do you love him as your father? Has he fulfilled that role for you? Can’t you find it in your heart to continue to love him even if you are tied by genetics to someone else? Also, does he know that he is not your father? If your mother kept that a secret, the situation gets ever more complicated. Find out all that you can from your mother so that you are clear on how to proceed with these relationships. Take it one day at a time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)