DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it inappropriate to share a hotel room with a platonic friend of the opposite sex? My friend and I are planning a trip, and he suggested that to save money we should get one room with separate beds. There has never been anything romantic between us, and I don’t think either of us has a hidden agenda. This would cut the cost of our travel in half, but would it be weird for the dynamic of our friendship? Is this a good idea? -- Travel Buddy

DEAR TRAVEL BUDDY: This is not an unusual thought. Many people share rooms to cut expenses. Especially since you will have separate beds, this seems completely reasonable. To be crystal clear about it, talk to your friend. Ask him if he has any unspoken desires about you, or if he really does just want to travel as your buddy and save dollars at the same time. Listen to what he answers and how he responds to gauge his feelings, but don’t overthink it. State your position on the matter. Make an agreement. And plan your trip.

By the way, do not be swayed by friends and loved ones who may have opinions about your travel arrangements. This is your trip and your business.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that the father I’ve known all my life is not my real father. I am devastated that my mom was not honest with me about this sooner. She says it was for my own good, but I just don’t see how. My biological father is in prison and may be getting out soon, which is why she chose to tell me now. How do I forgive my mother for being dishonest with me all these years? -- Dishonest Mom

DEAR DISHONEST MOM: Your mother had her reasons, and you cannot go back and change that now. What point is there in being angry with her? Instead, get to the bottom of the situation and discover whatever you can about your father, including why he is in prison and whether she expects you will meet him when he is free. That situation needs to be discussed fully so that you are prepared for what may come.

As far as the man who reared you is concerned, the fact that he isn’t your biological father doesn’t take away from the fact that he served as your father all these years. Do you love him as your father? Has he fulfilled that role for you? Can’t you find it in your heart to continue to love him even if you are tied by genetics to someone else? Also, does he know that he is not your father? If your mother kept that a secret, the situation gets ever more complicated. Find out all that you can from your mother so that you are clear on how to proceed with these relationships. Take it one day at a time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend was in my city and didn’t make a single attempt to see me. She was here for a full week and couldn’t make time for me. She said she was in town for work and had several other things to do, but we haven’t seen each other in a year. I absolutely would have gone out of my way to try and see her if I were in her city. My feelings are so hurt, and I’m wondering if we’re even as close as I thought. Am I overreacting? -- Not a Priority

DEAR NOT A PRIORITY: It is not yet time to dump your best friend. It is time to talk to her. But first, make an assessment. Did she tell you beforehand that she would be in town but had such a full schedule that she wouldn’t get to see you? Did she fill you in on what her week would be like? How did you find out she was in town?

Your friend obviously was busy. Things are just opening up, and business trips are likely more compressed with activities now because they haven’t been happening with regularity for two years. Your friend legitimately could have been too busy to see you. Yes, that hurts your feelings, but it does not mean that she loves you any less. I work on a project that sometimes takes a team into a city for a week, and there is never time to see anyone else. Usually there’s not even time for a phone call. That’s how hands-on it is. Trust me, I know it is hard for loved ones to understand, but it's the truth.

Yes, talk to your friend. Tell her how much you miss her and are sad that you didn’t connect. But don’t guilt her. Instead, talk about when you may be able to see each other in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last night a man I met on a dating app came to pick me up for our first date. I was surprised when he had an IID (car breathalyzer) near the ignition. He explained to me that he had been required by law to install the device after a few accidents last year.

I ended up having a lovely time with the man. He had a great personality and was a complete gentleman all night. I’m having a bit of a hard time knowing the implications behind the breathalyzer, though. Would it be smart to continue pursuing this person romantically? -- Breathalyzer

DEAR BREATHALYZER: Take your time. Let the device serve as a yellow light -- a caution sign on your path. It certainly shows that in the past this man had issues with self-control. It does not mean that you should write him off. Go slowly. Get to know each other. Over time, talk about his past and learn about his drinking. Ask him to tell you what happened and what prompted it. Listen carefully.

You should share your stories as well, things you are proud of and those you are not. Do not rush into intimacy, but instead allow a friendship to grow.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: While at work the other day, my co-workers had a casual discussion about whether or not transgender athletes should be allowed to compete in women's sports. The general consensus among my co-workers was that they think it's unfair for someone who was born male to compete against women. The discussion definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I’m sure that they meant no harm, but I don’t think that these kinds of conversations are appropriate for the workplace. We don’t know who among us is trans or not; what if someone felt targeted? Should I tell a higher-up? -- Office Complaint

DEAR OFFICE COMPLAINT: In general, I think it can be tricky to discuss controversial, politically charged topics at work. Yet, human nature sets the stage for people to discuss what’s top of mind in our culture.

As to the question of whether transgender athletes should be allowed to compete in women’s sports, it is a legitimate topic being debated right now in sports leagues, the Olympics and more. The topic does not need to be off limits. If there is biased judgment being bandied about, that’s a different story. What might have been good would have been to find someone in support of this idea so the conversation could be inclusive of all viewpoints.

I worry that the effort to be nonconfrontational is silencing people from exploring ideas. What if more than one side of this argument had been explored? What if a transgender person had spoken up and shared opinions on the topic, or an ally had taken the stage? I look forward to the possibility of open discussion about a range of topics being welcome as long as people are not inappropriately judgmental in the process.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently came to visit my new apartment. She stayed with me for four days. While I was at work one day, she thought it would be nice to surprise me by redecorating my bedroom. She didn’t put any of my old decorations away in storage or anything, she just tossed everything out. I am furious with her. I really liked how my room was decorated before. My mom has been somewhat of a control freak my entire life, so when I moved out, it meant something to me that I was finally able to do things my own way.

Decorating my apartment on my own signified my independence, my adulthood and my freedom. I feel that she tried to snatch that all away from me by throwing out my stuff without my permission. We got into a big fight, and she left early because of it. What should I do? -- Control Freak

DEAR CONTROL FREAK: You have every right to be angry. Your mother crossed a line. She did not respect you, your home or your independence. She may need time to cool down. You both may. But I think you should reach out to her when you are calm and reiterate that you believe she violated your privacy and your home, and you do not appreciate it. Tell her that if she is to visit your home in the future, she must be respectful of it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)