DEAR HARRIETTE: While at work the other day, my co-workers had a casual discussion about whether or not transgender athletes should be allowed to compete in women's sports. The general consensus among my co-workers was that they think it's unfair for someone who was born male to compete against women. The discussion definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I’m sure that they meant no harm, but I don’t think that these kinds of conversations are appropriate for the workplace. We don’t know who among us is trans or not; what if someone felt targeted? Should I tell a higher-up? -- Office Complaint

DEAR OFFICE COMPLAINT: In general, I think it can be tricky to discuss controversial, politically charged topics at work. Yet, human nature sets the stage for people to discuss what’s top of mind in our culture.

As to the question of whether transgender athletes should be allowed to compete in women’s sports, it is a legitimate topic being debated right now in sports leagues, the Olympics and more. The topic does not need to be off limits. If there is biased judgment being bandied about, that’s a different story. What might have been good would have been to find someone in support of this idea so the conversation could be inclusive of all viewpoints.

I worry that the effort to be nonconfrontational is silencing people from exploring ideas. What if more than one side of this argument had been explored? What if a transgender person had spoken up and shared opinions on the topic, or an ally had taken the stage? I look forward to the possibility of open discussion about a range of topics being welcome as long as people are not inappropriately judgmental in the process.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently came to visit my new apartment. She stayed with me for four days. While I was at work one day, she thought it would be nice to surprise me by redecorating my bedroom. She didn’t put any of my old decorations away in storage or anything, she just tossed everything out. I am furious with her. I really liked how my room was decorated before. My mom has been somewhat of a control freak my entire life, so when I moved out, it meant something to me that I was finally able to do things my own way.

Decorating my apartment on my own signified my independence, my adulthood and my freedom. I feel that she tried to snatch that all away from me by throwing out my stuff without my permission. We got into a big fight, and she left early because of it. What should I do? -- Control Freak

DEAR CONTROL FREAK: You have every right to be angry. Your mother crossed a line. She did not respect you, your home or your independence. She may need time to cool down. You both may. But I think you should reach out to her when you are calm and reiterate that you believe she violated your privacy and your home, and you do not appreciate it. Tell her that if she is to visit your home in the future, she must be respectful of it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has been struggling with her mental health for years. She’s been very public about her struggles on social media. One recent post was particularly distressing because it seemed to be a suicide note. Her family even called the police to her apartment for a welfare check, fearing that she may have ended her life. She ended up being OK, but the way she scared all of us was confusing and painful.

I don’t understand the constant postings about her suicidal thoughts on social media. I am not even sure if she’s getting the help that she so desperately needs, but the distressing updates never seem to stop. Would it be wrong to cut off all communication with her? I cannot handle the worry and stress of being friends with someone who is so troubled and shows no sign of getting better. -- Troubling Posts

DEAR TROUBLING POSTS: You must take care of yourself, even as you care about your friend. Some people do use social media for public venting, and, as you and her family are experiencing, it can feel like a rollercoaster to loved ones. It can also seem like the boy who cried wolf when there are many disturbing incidents that end up unclear. You do not have to fall victim to your friend’s fragility.

Instead, you can stop engaging with her social media posts and let her know that that is your intention. Tell your friend that if she wants to communicate with you about anything, she should please do so directly. Make it clear that you aren’t just talking about extreme circumstances. Be loving and intentional as you let her know how you want to communicate with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am single again after being with one person since I was 18. I am in my 30s now. My ex-partner was my closest friend -- and at times my only friend. I’m not sure how to function as an adult without them. I am trying to take things day by day, but the thought of moving on just seems impossible right now. How can I navigate my way through my new reality without them? -- Single Again

DEAR SINGLE AGAIN: You have spent about half of your life with one person. It is natural that you would be out of sorts now that you are alone. It will take time for you to discover who you are and what you like as a single person. Think of this moment as a time for personal exploration. Do your best to have fun with your newfound independence. Organize your life so that you have things to do. Look in your local newspaper and online to find fun activities and adventures you can tackle solo. Get out and explore your world with fresh eyes. Invite others to join you; consider a co-worker, neighbor or member of your church. You don’t have to be close.

Also consider going to a therapist to talk through your life and help support you at this time of transition. Your life has changed dramatically. Get all the help you can to help clear the path to your future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It seems like every time I turn around, someone else in my life is going through a crisis. I logged into my computer this morning only to learn that another friend is one step away from being on life support. Another just lost her husband suddenly. And another’s son, who was on a full scholarship to college, is flunking out of school. I could go on and on. Normally I am very upbeat, but it’s just too much. I don’t know how to help the people I love and stay positive. When good things happen, I almost feel guilty for smiling because there’s so much bad stuff going on around me. How can I manage it all? -- Overwhelmed

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Take a pause. Take a breath. And take a look at your whole life. Yes, bad things are happening. Right now your share of sadness is high. Accept that. Don’t try to diminish it. But keep looking. The pain that you and your loved ones are experiencing are real, but they don't account for everything that is happening in your life.

Look around. Notice the good things. For example, I recently received devastating news about a longtime friend. As the tears streamed down my face, I turned my head slightly and noticed the magnificent sunrise filling my window. I paused for a few moments and allowed myself to watch the day unfold before me. It was beautiful. And savoring those few moments lifted my spirits. Pay attention to moments in nature that can stir your spirit. Welcome them. Do not feel guilty for recognizing and celebrating small or large victories, even in the midst of sorrow. Both grief and joy can exist at the same time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become a binge-watching fool. No lie. I will sit down and start watching a film or series on TV and not get up for hours or even what feels like days on end. The only work I get done happens at my computer in front of the TV. When I tell myself to do chores, they don’t get done because I would have to get up and step away from the TV. I know this sounds crazy, but it started during quarantine, and it hasn’t ended. How can I take back my life and get things done? -- Addicted To TV

DEAR ADDICTED TO TV: You would be amazed to hear how many people are sitting in chairs just like you all over this country, glued to the unique set of attractions being offered to each individual by a computer algorithm. Creepy, I know, but it’s real.

The good news is that you can break free of this sticky addiction and reclaim your life. One comfortable transition can be to turn away from watching your favorite show and start listening to music on the music channels many TV packages include now. If you start playing music that makes you move, you can listen, dance and sing while also cleaning or cooking.

You can also set limits on TV time for yourself. For example, you will not turn the TV on before a certain number of chores have been completed or before a particular hour. Figure out your parameters, and go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)