DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom gets upset every time she hears I make my son wash the dishes. She insists that it is just not a job a boy should be doing, and that only girls should wash dishes. I don’t want to raise my son to think this way, but I don’t want to be disrespectful to my mom. How should I approach her about disagreeing with her beliefs? -- Boys Wash Dishes, Too
DEAR BOYS WASH DISHES, TOO: Now that you are a mom, you have to make it crystal clear to your mother that you appreciate her and all that she taught you, but now it is your turn to be the parent. Tell her that you are grateful for her guidance. Much of it you do follow, but on some points, you differ. Make it clear to her that you believe that boys should participate in household maintenance. Tell her you do not agree with her philosophy that housework should be reserved for girls. Moreover, ask her not to say such things around your child. You are the mother in his life, and your rules will be followed.
If your mother does share her beliefs with your son, which is likely, be prepared to talk to your son and let him know that you and your mom differ on certain principles of how men and women should live in the world. Point out that you love your mother, but in some instances you do not follow her guidance. Be sure to explain why so that your son doesn’t just view your divergence as defiance. One day he will likely disagree with some belief you espouse. Your actions and explanations today will serve as the backbone of his words and actions in the future.