DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a touring musician and always on the go, so it’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship. Recently, I’ve been spending time with someone I really like. We have great talks. I enjoy her company, and I never get tired of her. The only issue is that she’s not as physically attractive as the women I normally go for. That’s a big deal for me because I make a lot of public appearances, and I don’t think she would fit in. Should I tell her how I feel? If so, how do I do it without hurting her feelings? -- I’m Into Her
DEAR I’M INTO HER: Do NOT tell her this. I understand what you are saying, but I am here to tell you something that you already know deep down inside: Superficial things do not last. How your girlfriend looks matters a lot less than who she is and the quality of your relationship.
What you can address is how she presents herself publicly. Since you are constantly getting your picture taken, perhaps she needs to dress a certain way to be photo-ready. Share the standards around presentation. Dress codes are normal in life. Just do not talk about her actual looks.
You must come to terms with this because otherwise she will feel the disapproval or shame or whatever it is that you are feeling about her physical self. You have to deal with your feelings and attitude. Yes, she looks different, but you care about her for who she is, not how she looks. If you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be with her.