DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids love animals, and after watching “Black Panther,” I became interested in the history of cats in Africa. I thought it was interesting that they were regarded as sacred creatures because they kept pests out of homes. With us living near a wooded area, it is always a task to keep pests from invading our patio and feeding on my plants, so I decided to face my lifelong fear of cats and adopt one. It’s been about a year now; the cat has been no trouble, not to mention the free pest control and mental benefit for me in facing my fear. The only problem is that my mother will not come inside our home anymore because she views cats as evil. Should I get rid of the cat? -- Recovering Scaredy-Cat

DEAR RECOVERING SCAREDY-CAT: What a creative way to come to love cats! I’m glad your experience and research led you to a good relationship with felines. I do understand that cats can be intimidating to some people because they are such independent and sensitive creatures.

What you need now is a combination of compassion for your mother and one more high dose of creativity. No, you should not get rid of your cat for your mother. What you can do potentially is to put your cat in a separate room or crate while your mother is there, so that the two of them do not need to interact. If you choose the closed-in option, introduce your cat to it well in advance of your mother’s arrival so that it doesn’t look at it as a punishment, but more as a cozy place for a nap.

Another option might be to ask a neighbor to cat-sit when your mother visits. This works if they have an established rapport so that the cat feels safe.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I fell out with each other because there have been numerous situations where I found out she was speaking negatively about me to our mutual acquaintances. I decided to end the friendship because I just don't believe I can trust her anymore. During our friendship, she formed a relationship with my kids, and now that we don't speak anymore, she still wants to see them. She's called my mother to try to see them and has even showed up to my home unannounced. She thinks the demise of our friendship shouldn't mean she can't see my kids, but I disagree. What do you think? -- Ex-BFF

DEAR EX-BFF: There are times when I stand up for the rights of the rejected friend. This is not one of them. You severed that relationship because your friend was bad-mouthing you. She crossed a line that automatically means that she is cut off from your children. What if she decides to bad-mouth you to them? Further, why in the world would she think that she should be able to interact with them after being disrespectful to you?

I believe you need to have a talk with your ex-BFF to find out what’s going on in her head. Ask her why she thinks you should allow her to engage in any way with your children after the things she has said about you. Have her explain herself. Press her to come clean about why she said what she did, why she thought it was OK to break your trust and why you should give her access to your children. Hear her out, then be direct and clear with your reaction to whatever she says.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 19 years old, and I just found out the guy I’ve been dating for the past few months is 31. I knew he was older, maybe 25, but not in his 30s. He works at a warehouse, where he’s been for 10 years, and he’s an aspiring recording artist. I’m going to school, working full time and just got my first apartment on my own. So I’m just starting out, while he just recently got out of a previous relationship and is living with his mother. It seems like he’s starting over. Are we compatible? -- Young GF

DEAR YOUNG GF: As you begin your life as a young adult, take a pause and evaluate what you want for your life. I’m a big believer in lists. Write down your professional goals and aspirations. Be specific. Write down your life goals, too. Include the qualities you want in a partner, where you want to live, when you want to own a home, when and if you want to have children, even salary goals. Think big. If you could have anything you wanted, what would that be?

Now, consider your current partner. What does he want? What has occurred in his life that has either sidetracked him or otherwise derailed his dream? Is he satisfied with his life today? What is his plan for living on his own? What does he hope to accomplish with his musical career? Is he satisfied with his warehouse gig as long as he can pay his bills and pursue his art? Are you comfortable with what he wants for himself?

Next, talk to your boyfriend about your goals and dreams -- and his. Talk through what you want so you can figure out whether you two can be a long-term match. Be honest. Don’t stay if it doesn’t feel right.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son graduated from high school last year, and after submitting college applications, visiting campuses, etc., he has expressed to me that he does not feel that college is for him. When I ask him what he wants to do in life, he says he wants to be successful, but he has no plan for how he will pursue success. He is working now and applying to different jobs that would pay him more, but I would like for him to further his education so that he has more opportunities as well as a broader social experience. I’m torn between supporting his decision or continuing to push him to go to college. -- Pro-College Mom

DEAR PRO-COLLEGE MOM: I strongly believe in the value of a college education, yet I have also seen students waste a lot of time and money going to college before they are ready to apply themselves. Perhaps your son should pursue the working world for now. Maybe you can convince him to take a few classes at your local community college or technical school. There are a lot lucrative jobs that require some technical training but may not need a college degree. The best thing you can do for your son is to encourage him to think about his dreams for his life and to figure out how to manifest them. There are many roads to success. Help him to figure out his!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am tired of arguing with my husband about every little thing. I began to notice that just about every conversation that we have is an argument. If I say something, he almost always challenges me. I don’t like waking up to arguments. Because we are still working from home, I am seeing a pattern that I don’t like. I started paying closer attention and noticed that just about every time he speaks to me, it is judgmental, negative or dismissive.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I would stop talking to him. That’s what I have done. For the most part, I say virtually nothing to him. I keep my distance. I say good morning when I see him. I pass by him without talking. I say "excuse me" if I need him to move. Rarely do I say anything else. That has brought me much less negativity, but it’s super-awkward, and I think it’s hard on my daughter being in the middle of what may seem like a standoff -- one I doubt my husband even sees. I have asked my husband to go to counseling in the past, and he has refused. Should I ask him again? I worry that it will cause a fight. -- Standoff

DEAR STANDOFF: The existence that you and your husband are living right now is not healthy -- as you know -- and it is not sustainable over time. It is not healthy for you or your daughter. So, yes, you need to say something to your husband. Ideally, you should talk when your daughter is not around. Ask him if he has noticed your silence. Do know that he could be oblivious. Either way, tell him that you made the decision to stop talking to him because he is so consistently unkind to you. Tell him that you do not want to live like this and that you believe you two need help. Ask him once again to go to counseling with you.

If he refuses, schedule counseling for yourself anyway. You need professional help in standing up for yourself and making healthier choices about how to live. Eventually, you two will need to address the ways you interact if you are to preserve your marriage. Marriage should not feel like a prison sentence. It should be infused with joy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for about five years now. I have always kept a separate savings account with what my mother used to call “mad money” that I could use for shopping or anything I want. My husband lost his job a few months ago, and I am tempted to use that money to pay bills. But I worry that now this money is the only savings we really have. I think I should pretend like I don’t have it at all unless we find ourselves in dire circumstances. I have been able to add some hours at work, and my husband is looking for another job. Do you think I should use my savings for groceries? -- Mad Money

DEAR MAD MONEY: If you are able to ignore that small pot of money right now and live off of the resources you are bringing in, do that. Now is a time of struggle for your family. The struggle will not likely ease significantly if you empty the one stash of cash that you have. I do think you should consider it differently, as an emergency fund rather than a “fun” fund.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)