DEAR HARRIETTE: At Christmas dinner, my dad called me out about my outfit in front of everyone. He told me that what I was wearing was completely inappropriate and that I should change immediately. I’m a grown woman, but I was absolutely humiliated by the way my dad spoke to me in front of friends and family. I’m not even sure why he still feels that he can talk to me that way. I haven’t spoken to him since the incident, and I’m not sure when I will speak to him again. When I do speak to him, what should I say? -- Dad Called Me Out

DEAR DAD CALLED ME OUT: You have triggered a memory for me. I remember going back to my very strict family home for the holidays wearing my hair curly and natural, kind of like a big ‘fro. My father told me that I could not sit down at the table with the family. He offered me a comb and told me to go comb my hair. I was so upset. I never came back to the table. And I didn’t go home to visit for a while. After I calmed down -- much later -- I realized that my conservative father, who had grown up under Jim Crow, only understood that you needed to conform in the way that you presented yourself in order to get ahead. He was harsh, but in his mind, he was giving me tough love that would protect me in the long run. I still do not agree with his method or his rejection of my natural hair, but I understand it better now.

I don’t know what you were wearing, but it sounds like it was not conservative. Your dad was trying to direct you to a safer version of yourself based on his value system and beliefs, which are grounded in his history.

After you calm down, talk to your dad. Tell him you were offended by how he addressed you at Christmas. Point out that no matter what his opinion is, it was disrespectful for him to call you out like that in front of others. Remind him that you are an adult and must make your own decisions. You might also acknowledge that you believe he meant well even if his delivery was hurtful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids will be learning remotely for the rest of the semester, and I’m extremely tired of them being at home all the time. I work from home as well, and most days I can hardly get through a meeting without having to tell my kids to quiet down. I am thinking of enrolling them in a new school where the classes are resuming in-person effective immediately. Is it selfish of me to do this? -- Back to School

DEAR BACK TO SCHOOL: If you can find a small school that has strict COVID-19 protocols and low outbreak numbers, yes, consider transferring your children there. It is optimal for children to be in school with other students. Unfortunately, COVID-19 is so insidious that it is hard to get away from it.

If you cannot enroll them in an in-person school, create a schedule with them that is strict and that has rewards. If they follow directions and remain quiet during your work hours, later they get to do something they enjoy -- play video games, play with you, watch a bit of TV, something that will inspire them to exercise discipline.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter’s teacher gives me way too much unsolicited advice. My daughter has good grades, she doesn’t misbehave regularly and she has never really been an issue for her teachers. Almost every time I come to pick my daughter up from school, her teacher feels the need to give me some sort of advice on what she believes would help my daughter be a better student. Because my child’s grades are completely fine, her advice is completely unnecessary and unwelcome. How should I handle this? -- Don’t Need Advice

DEAR DON’T NEED ADVICE: Rather than continuing to feel defensive and angry at this teacher, schedule a time to talk to her. Do your best to be calm and open to a positive dialogue. Ask the teacher why she sees the need to give you advice every day about your daughter’s education, especially given that she is a good student. Tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and that you think it is not necessary. Ask her to explain her rationale.

You describe your daughter’s grades as “completely fine.” I wonder if her teacher sees greater potential in her to reach further, to explore new ideas, to dream bigger. If that is the case, that could be good. But it may also be unnerving if it comes off as a criticism of you. If the teacher suggests that she thinks your daughter can reach higher than she is right now, consider that a great idea. Instead of feeling like the teacher is judging you, perhaps you can team up with her and come up with ideas that will motivate your daughter to do more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend still supports some of the most problematic musicians of all time. Some of my boyfriend’s favorite R&B artists have a lengthy history of abuse and sexual violence against women. I cannot support any artist who is a known abuser, but it doesn’t seem to faze him at all. He says that just because he doesn’t agree with their actions, it doesn’t mean that he can’t listen to their music. I’m thinking of having an in-depth discussion with him about why it’s wrong to support these musicians, but I don’t want to overreact. Am I overreacting? -- Stop Supporting Them

DEAR STOP SUPPORTING THEM: This is an age-old problem that is worth contemplating. Many of the most creative and successful people in the world have had a dark side that is often equally as bad as their greatness. Does that make their bad behavior forgivable? No. But it is common to discover that a beloved artist has a questionable history.

I believe you can have intense and thoughtful discussions with your boyfriend about his artists of choice. You can provide compelling arguments for why you do not support them, and he likely will counter with his ideas for why he likes them anyway. Will you come to a resolution? I doubt it. If you feel strongly enough, you may be able to come to a truce where he does not play the offensive artists within earshot of you. That would be a huge compromise.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I decided to limit the amount of contact that my family is allowed to have with me. Now that I am older, I realize how truly toxic they are. I want to be cordial with them, and I want them to know how much I love them, but cutting off their access to me means protecting my peace. I feel slightly guilty about this, but it’s been months since I’ve spoken to them, and I haven’t had even the slightest bit of drama in my life ever since. Am I doing the right thing? -- Family Ties

DEAR FAMILY TIES: Your experiment has shown you that staying connected to your family is not healthy for you, at least not right now. Trust that. You don’t have to write them off completely. But you also do not have to be entangled in their daily lives or whatever drama plagues you when you are in regular contact.

Evaluate what you have been doing with yourself during the time that you have been disconnected from them. How have you spent your time, and with whom? What has your state of mind been each day? To what can you attribute that state of mind? Continue this evaluation for a couple of weeks so that you can assess how you are living.

Next, decide with what frequency you will engage your family at all. For instance, will you call them once a quarter? Will you send them a card? Will you visit? Whatever you decide, observe how that interaction goes. It could be that once you decide you are going to control how much and how you interact with them, you will be able to hold on to your power more solidly and not get rocked when you do contact them. Continue to evaluate what works and how you feel as you establish a rhythm of some kind with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I found out that a co-worker of mine was still coming into work even after testing positive for COVID. We work at a restaurant, so it is very dangerous that she was handling other people’s food while ill. When I found out that she was positive, she told me that I needed to be understanding of the fact that she’s a single mother and that if she doesn’t come into work every day to earn her tips, she’ll have nothing. Should I report her? -- Working While Sick

DEAR WORKING WHILE SICK: Guess what? Thousands of employees all over the country are doing the same thing that your co-worker is doing -- because they need to work. Should you say something? Yes, I think you should, but you may want to approach it from a big-picture view. Suggest to your boss that they give employees rapid tests once a week to ensure their health and the well-being of their customers. Point out that you believe that people have been coming to work who are COVID-19 positive, and it concerns you. Keep it vague if you can, especially since you cannot prove your co-worker’s status. But make the main point that in order to keep the restaurant safe, the management needs to put safeguards in place.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)