DEAR HARRIETTE: I decided to limit the amount of contact that my family is allowed to have with me. Now that I am older, I realize how truly toxic they are. I want to be cordial with them, and I want them to know how much I love them, but cutting off their access to me means protecting my peace. I feel slightly guilty about this, but it’s been months since I’ve spoken to them, and I haven’t had even the slightest bit of drama in my life ever since. Am I doing the right thing? -- Family Ties

DEAR FAMILY TIES: Your experiment has shown you that staying connected to your family is not healthy for you, at least not right now. Trust that. You don’t have to write them off completely. But you also do not have to be entangled in their daily lives or whatever drama plagues you when you are in regular contact.

Evaluate what you have been doing with yourself during the time that you have been disconnected from them. How have you spent your time, and with whom? What has your state of mind been each day? To what can you attribute that state of mind? Continue this evaluation for a couple of weeks so that you can assess how you are living.

Next, decide with what frequency you will engage your family at all. For instance, will you call them once a quarter? Will you send them a card? Will you visit? Whatever you decide, observe how that interaction goes. It could be that once you decide you are going to control how much and how you interact with them, you will be able to hold on to your power more solidly and not get rocked when you do contact them. Continue to evaluate what works and how you feel as you establish a rhythm of some kind with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I found out that a co-worker of mine was still coming into work even after testing positive for COVID. We work at a restaurant, so it is very dangerous that she was handling other people’s food while ill. When I found out that she was positive, she told me that I needed to be understanding of the fact that she’s a single mother and that if she doesn’t come into work every day to earn her tips, she’ll have nothing. Should I report her? -- Working While Sick

DEAR WORKING WHILE SICK: Guess what? Thousands of employees all over the country are doing the same thing that your co-worker is doing -- because they need to work. Should you say something? Yes, I think you should, but you may want to approach it from a big-picture view. Suggest to your boss that they give employees rapid tests once a week to ensure their health and the well-being of their customers. Point out that you believe that people have been coming to work who are COVID-19 positive, and it concerns you. Keep it vague if you can, especially since you cannot prove your co-worker’s status. But make the main point that in order to keep the restaurant safe, the management needs to put safeguards in place.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is extremely upset that I’ve opted out of going to Miami for her birthday. We were set to go at the end of the month, but because of the new COVID variant, I decided to cancel my flight. We’ve had these plans for months, but I don’t want to get sick. My friend thinks that I’m using COVID as an excuse to flake on her. What should I do? -- Canceling Plans

DEAR CANCELING PLANS: COVID-19 has disrupted everyone’s life in one way or another. Like your friend, I believe we all thought we would have this disease and its side effects in the rearview mirror by now. Sadly, that is far from the truth. I spoke to a doctor who said that we are all going to have to figure out how to live with the disease, meaning we must take COVID-19 into account in every decision we make. This is an individual choice that should be rooted in the facts.

As of this printing, the state of Florida was facing an increase of more than 900% in COVID-19 outbreaks. Thousands of flights have been canceled, and there is no clear sense of when the numbers will drop significantly. This surely is a good reason to give you pause before jumping on a plane to go to Miami. I am not saying, “Don’t go.” I am saying, "Make smart choices for yourself and stick by them."

While you cannot predict what the numbers will be in a couple of weeks, you do know that the outbreak will still be pervasive. Talk to your best friend. Let her know how much you want to spend time with her around her birthday, but you have to make a decision based on your health and your research.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought a good friend of mine a very expensive bracelet a few years ago. Giving her the bracelet meant a lot to me because I knew how badly she wanted it. The other day I saw a picture of her sister wearing the exact same bracelet. My feelings are really hurt. How could she give away a gift that I bought specifically for her? I don’t even really know her sister. Should I confront my friend about this? -- Regifting

DEAR REGIFTING: I know how tough that must have been for you to see your gift on someone else’s wrist, even if it was your friend’s sister. However, you need to leave that alone. Gifts are not supposed to come with strings. You gave your friend the bracelet because she longed for it. Clearly, she valued it. Giving it to her sister or just letting her sister wear it (you don’t know the circumstances surrounding that photo) means that it is special to her. You know she loves her sister. Whatever the reason is that she passed it along -- temporarily or permanently -- once the gift left your fingers and transferred to your friend’s, you no longer had any right to it or possession of it. Do your best to accept that it is currently being enjoyed!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the nanny to two young children whom I absolutely love, but I don’t love their parents. I think that the parents can be neglectful. I don’t really like the way that they speak to me, their children or to others. The mother is especially rude. My attachment to the kids is what keeps me at the job. The job is enjoyable because I love spending time with them. I’m afraid I’m not doing what is right for me, but what is right for the kids. Is it time for me to go? How do I know when it’s time to move on? -- Love Being a Nanny

DEAR LOVE BEING A NANNY: Why do you think the mother is so rude? Can you figure out what’s going on with her? Is there a way for you to establish a better rapport with her? Try that before you walk away. For the good of the children, it would be healthy if you and the parents could have a more respectful relationship. Otherwise, the children will believe that the behavior that they witness is OK. In terms of neglect, tactfully remind the parents of the tasks that you think are important for them to fulfill. Get creative with this. Put sticky notes on the fridge or in the children’s rooms. See if you can encourage more attentiveness in a nonjudgmental way.

If nothing works and you continue to feel demeaned by the parents, it is time for you to plan your exit. Do nothing rash. If you are with an agency, let them know it is time to move on -- and why. If you are independent, put out your feelers at schools and in neighborhoods densely populated with families. Be mindful not to bad-mouth these people. Just say it is time for you to move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Sarah” accused our mutual friend's husband, “Ted,” of cheating back in 2019. Sarah alleged that her sister accidentally matched with Ted on a dating app. Ted's wife, “Anne,” didn’t believe Sarah or her sister. At the time, Anne gave me great reasons as to why she didn’t believe that Ted was cheating, so I believed her. I was on Anne’s side until recently. I found out new details about the dating app situation, and now I believe that Ted was 100% cheating. Should I tell her about this? It’s been years now, so maybe they’ve talked it out privately. I don’t want to create any issues. -- New Details

DEAR NEW DETAILS: Stay out of it. It was convoluted during the first go-round, and it will not be simpler now. Even when affairs are obvious, people often do not believe that they are real if they aren’t ready to face the truth. Hopefully, your friends have sorted through their issues -- those that precipitated the alleged affair in the first place. If not, pointing out the lie is not going to cause that to happen.

Don’t put yourself in the middle of a mess that you cannot control, properly address or resolve. No good will come of it. Instead, give them space to live their lives. If something comes down the pike that makes it obvious that new transgressions are currently in play, that’s when some of this can be revisited. It is not your place to take on these sins of the past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)