DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend told his mother one of my biggest secrets. The two of them are very close, but I’m deeply upset with him for repeating something I asked him to never share. I feel deeply betrayed and embarrassed. At first I felt angry enough to consider a breakup, but I’ve since calmed down. Would I be overreacting if I never told him another secret again? What would the correct response be? -- Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: The problem with secrets is that too often that confidence is betrayed. There always seems to be someone to confide in, even when you have promised to keep something to yourself. Witness your boyfriend and his mother.

Talk to your boyfriend and make it clear to him how upset you have been about his betrayal. Be sure he understands that this violation of trust makes you question whether it is safe to talk to him about your innermost feelings and your most tender stories. Admit that you are doubting whether you can confide in him anymore. Ask him why he chose to share this secret with his mother after you explicitly asked him not to.

Ultimately, you will have to weigh each situation to decide what you share with your boyfriend. Whenever you reveal something private to anyone, there is a chance that it will be shared with others. Sometimes it is more important to say it anyway. You will have to decide when the revelation is more important than the secrecy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I subleased an apartment from my friend who had to move unexpectedly. Her cousin and I are splitting the sublease as roommates. I recently found out that her cousin hasn’t been paying as much as I have for rent. I’m upset because I’m a full-time student, so the rent has been a challenge for me. Should I confront them about this? My friend was doing me a favor by letting me move in because I simply couldn’t afford on-campus housing anymore, but I feel taken advantage of. -- Subleasing

DEAR SUBLEASING: Unfortunately, you probably have no rights here. You can check with a lawyer or with housing court, but I doubt they can offer relief. Did you sign a lease, for starters? Very often when people sublease, it is done under the table, so to speak.

While what your friend did -- lopsidedly dividing the rent -- was not fair, in your eyes, you may not be able to change anything. You can appeal to her humanity. Tell her that you just learned that her cousin is paying less than you are paying. Point out that it is a stretch for you to pay the amount you agreed to, given your student status. Ask her if she would consider rebalancing the amount you pay.

If you really cannot afford to pay this rent, you may want to look for another home. If the sublet is off the books, bringing it up to the landlord could result in everybody getting evicted. If it is legal, it means you two agreed on particular rental amounts, and that would be binding.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom owes me a lot of money, but she keeps trying to guilt me every time I ask for it back. I’ve been helping my mom pay rent since I was 18 years old; now I’m almost 24. I can’t afford my own place, but I can afford to help out. She asks for help with a lot of things -- aside from rent -- and I always feel obligated to say yes, but she usually promises that she will pay me back. I haven’t seen a dime from her in years, but she keeps asking for more. What should I do? -- Pay Me Back

DEAR PAY ME BACK: My guess is that your mother has asked you to help pay rent all these years because she needed your assistance. Out of guilt, she didn’t completely tell you the truth -- she needed you to support the family budget. I recommend that you consider the money you have contributed to your household a contribution that will not be repaid. It will help you to stop keeping score.

Looking at this moment and the future, you can adopt a different approach. Thank your mother for allowing you to live with her now that you are an adult. Tell her you need to manage your finances so that eventually you can live on your own. Let her know how much you can contribute monthly to the household, and stick to that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks, but earlier this year she completely forgot my birthday. She still hasn’t said anything about it, and it’s been more than eight months. Is it petty of me to not acknowledge her birthday because she didn’t acknowledge mine? She isn’t throwing any type of celebration, so it would be easy enough to act like I genuinely forgot. -- Friend Forgot Birthday

DEAR FRIEND FORGOT BIRTHDAY: It is past time for you to let this go. Chances are your friend has zero recollection of missing your birthday. Is that hurtful? Clearly it is for you. But you have held a grudge about this for nearly a year. That is long enough. Instead, forgive your friend for forgetting, for being distracted, for missing your birthday -- for whatever the reason may have been. Let that go. And, of course, wish her a happy birthday since you do remember.

Yes, one’s birthday can be considered one’s most special day -- or not. Life happens. Whatever caused your friend to miss celebrating you on your big day does not mean that you should snub her in retaliation.

I have a friend from high school. Our practice is to reach out and say happy birthday every year, even if we don’t speak otherwise. I recall a few years ago when I did not hear from this friend, and I admit that it hurt my feelings. I did not say anything. Some months later, he reached out to apologize for not contacting me on my big day. I appreciated it, but it also made me realize that I did not nor should not need his validation of my day to feel complete. Instead, I decided to focus on enjoying my day in the moment and basking in whatever acknowledgment comes my way. This approach has made me much happier. Try it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gets obsessed with different ideas and then goes down the rabbit hole with them, often spending exorbitant amounts of money to learn more about whatever they are. Plus, he traps me into extended moments when I have to listen to him drone on and on about something that does not interest me. When he drinks while on one of these tears, it’s unbearable. Then he repeats himself a thousand times and gets mad when I want to step away. I get that he is into these things, but I do not want to be subjected to his whims. How can I get him to keep his weirdness to himself? And how can I get him to stop spending so much money on things that make no sense? We really don’t have enough for him to waste it. -- On a Whim

DEAR ON A WHIM: This is tricky. If you want to get him to curb his spending, you will need to spend some time listening to him and trying to make sense of his passions. When your husband is sober, ask him to explain to you why he believes he should make a significant investment in whatever the current idea is. Listen to learn if there is any value in what he believes. Acknowledge what makes sense. Otherwise, he will think you are simply dismissing him and will not listen to your advice. After you hear him out, remind him of where you as a family have allocated resources. Ask him how you will be able to pay for particular repairs with savings or whatever you have earmarked the money for if he diverts significant amounts to his passion. Do your best to get him to think about this in a practical way. Get your finances in control before backing off from the discussion.

When you feel that your husband is being reasonable, let him know that you understand that he has many passions. You want him to have permission to enjoy his whims (to an extent), but you also need to have your space. He needs to know that you do not always want to engage in these passions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The employee who trained me to fill her position before she resigned was completely unorganized. She didn’t keep accurate records of anything. Should I tell my boss about what she didn’t do? I don’t want to cause any issues between them, but I do not want to be blamed for what the last person failed to do. -- New Hire

DEAR NEW HIRE: You must speak to your boss immediately about the state of the files that you now manage. With the intention of full disclosure and a cry for help, ask to spend some time with your boss to review some important topics. Point out what the previous employee did not provide, and ask what is important to track down and what your boss may know from memory or process. Ask for their patience as you sort through paperwork. Let them know that you are sharing this information because you realize that there may be some hiccups until you establish better systems.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)