DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom owes me a lot of money, but she keeps trying to guilt me every time I ask for it back. I’ve been helping my mom pay rent since I was 18 years old; now I’m almost 24. I can’t afford my own place, but I can afford to help out. She asks for help with a lot of things -- aside from rent -- and I always feel obligated to say yes, but she usually promises that she will pay me back. I haven’t seen a dime from her in years, but she keeps asking for more. What should I do? -- Pay Me Back

DEAR PAY ME BACK: My guess is that your mother has asked you to help pay rent all these years because she needed your assistance. Out of guilt, she didn’t completely tell you the truth -- she needed you to support the family budget. I recommend that you consider the money you have contributed to your household a contribution that will not be repaid. It will help you to stop keeping score.

Looking at this moment and the future, you can adopt a different approach. Thank your mother for allowing you to live with her now that you are an adult. Tell her you need to manage your finances so that eventually you can live on your own. Let her know how much you can contribute monthly to the household, and stick to that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks, but earlier this year she completely forgot my birthday. She still hasn’t said anything about it, and it’s been more than eight months. Is it petty of me to not acknowledge her birthday because she didn’t acknowledge mine? She isn’t throwing any type of celebration, so it would be easy enough to act like I genuinely forgot. -- Friend Forgot Birthday

DEAR FRIEND FORGOT BIRTHDAY: It is past time for you to let this go. Chances are your friend has zero recollection of missing your birthday. Is that hurtful? Clearly it is for you. But you have held a grudge about this for nearly a year. That is long enough. Instead, forgive your friend for forgetting, for being distracted, for missing your birthday -- for whatever the reason may have been. Let that go. And, of course, wish her a happy birthday since you do remember.

Yes, one’s birthday can be considered one’s most special day -- or not. Life happens. Whatever caused your friend to miss celebrating you on your big day does not mean that you should snub her in retaliation.

I have a friend from high school. Our practice is to reach out and say happy birthday every year, even if we don’t speak otherwise. I recall a few years ago when I did not hear from this friend, and I admit that it hurt my feelings. I did not say anything. Some months later, he reached out to apologize for not contacting me on my big day. I appreciated it, but it also made me realize that I did not nor should not need his validation of my day to feel complete. Instead, I decided to focus on enjoying my day in the moment and basking in whatever acknowledgment comes my way. This approach has made me much happier. Try it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gets obsessed with different ideas and then goes down the rabbit hole with them, often spending exorbitant amounts of money to learn more about whatever they are. Plus, he traps me into extended moments when I have to listen to him drone on and on about something that does not interest me. When he drinks while on one of these tears, it’s unbearable. Then he repeats himself a thousand times and gets mad when I want to step away. I get that he is into these things, but I do not want to be subjected to his whims. How can I get him to keep his weirdness to himself? And how can I get him to stop spending so much money on things that make no sense? We really don’t have enough for him to waste it. -- On a Whim

DEAR ON A WHIM: This is tricky. If you want to get him to curb his spending, you will need to spend some time listening to him and trying to make sense of his passions. When your husband is sober, ask him to explain to you why he believes he should make a significant investment in whatever the current idea is. Listen to learn if there is any value in what he believes. Acknowledge what makes sense. Otherwise, he will think you are simply dismissing him and will not listen to your advice. After you hear him out, remind him of where you as a family have allocated resources. Ask him how you will be able to pay for particular repairs with savings or whatever you have earmarked the money for if he diverts significant amounts to his passion. Do your best to get him to think about this in a practical way. Get your finances in control before backing off from the discussion.

When you feel that your husband is being reasonable, let him know that you understand that he has many passions. You want him to have permission to enjoy his whims (to an extent), but you also need to have your space. He needs to know that you do not always want to engage in these passions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The employee who trained me to fill her position before she resigned was completely unorganized. She didn’t keep accurate records of anything. Should I tell my boss about what she didn’t do? I don’t want to cause any issues between them, but I do not want to be blamed for what the last person failed to do. -- New Hire

DEAR NEW HIRE: You must speak to your boss immediately about the state of the files that you now manage. With the intention of full disclosure and a cry for help, ask to spend some time with your boss to review some important topics. Point out what the previous employee did not provide, and ask what is important to track down and what your boss may know from memory or process. Ask for their patience as you sort through paperwork. Let them know that you are sharing this information because you realize that there may be some hiccups until you establish better systems.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was hired to work on a short-term project for a company that had hired me previously. It seemed like everything turned out pretty well. I was asked for honest feedback about the project, and I gave it. That included pointing out things that I thought the company could do better to ensure positive results for the particular effort underway. They thanked me, but I never heard from them again. I have followed up to see if everything turned out well -- crickets. It’s too soon to expect my check, so I’m not worried about that so much. But it’s weird for a client to disappear so abruptly. Is there anything else I can do? -- Cold Shoulder

DEAR COLD SHOULDER: When you do receive payment, write back with a thank-you email expressing your gratitude for working with the company again. State that you hope the project was a success. And let them know that you would be happy to work with them again whenever they need support. That’s all you can do.

If you do not receive your payment in a timely manner, reach out to the party that hired you and ask when you can expect payment. If you still get no response, go to the accounts payable department to follow up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is finishing high school and has expressed that what’s most difficult for her is her social life. Her friends seem to constantly be in some kind of conflict. The latest is that one young lady was dating a young man from another school who was abusive. My daughter was so upset when she told me, especially because she didn’t know how to help her friend. She was mad at her and called her stupid for getting involved with this guy in the first place -- even though he did seem like a good guy in the beginning.

I had a similar experience when I was in college. I feel like I should tell her about what happened to me. My “good guy” ended up beating me up. I know now what my role was in this and how he duped me. Should I tell her? Relationships are complicated, and many people get tripped up. Is it bad for me to tell my daughter that I was abused when I was younger? -- Secret

DEAR SECRET: Your daughter is at the right age to learn about what happened to you at about the same time, especially since you have processed your experience and can speak honestly about what happened while also sharing the lessons you have learned. Your goal should be to help your daughter understand that relationships can be hard to navigate. She should not judge her friend. They all should look out for warning signs of abusive tendencies.

As she prepares to go to college and build an independent life, your daughter needs to look with even greater scrutiny at others to see if their values match hers before she allows anyone to get close to her. To learn more about warning signs of an abusive relationship, go to: ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)