DEAR HARRIETTE: I lied on my resume to get my new job, and now I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I’ve been winging it every day since I started. The money I’m making now is far too good to walk away from, and I really enjoy what I do, but every day I’m afraid that someone is going to notice that I don’t belong here. Should I stay until I figure it out? Should I tell a work colleague? -- In Too Deep

DEAR IN TOO DEEP: If you are not exaggerating and you literally do not know what you are doing, now is the time to ask for help. Have you made friends with any of your colleagues? If you have a trusted confidant, talk to that person. Do not reveal that you lied. Instead, point to what you do not understand and ask for guidance on how to handle that task. If you are sincere in your request and ready to jump in and learn, you may get a pass.

Independently, start reading about the work that you do. Go to YouTube University, as many fondly call it, to learn everything you can about how to do your job. Be proactive. That may end up being your saving grace.

If you are confronted by a manager or someone else who seriously questions your capabilities, you may have to confess that you are in over your head. Declare that you want to be good at your job and are doing all that you can to get up to speed -- and you need help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend talks way more than she listens. I feel like we are constantly talking about her issues, and she rarely cares about what's going on in my life. We both had job interviews on the same day, and afterward we talked about her interview the entire time -- she didn't even ask about mine. Is this a friendship worth holding on to? -- One-Sided Friend

DEAR ONE-SIDED FRIEND: How often do you call your friend on her selfishness? Now is the time to clearly let her know what you have observed. Tell her that you have noticed a pattern in your relationship that you do not appreciate -- that she does all the talking and rarely seems to care about what you are going through. Give her concrete examples, such as the debrief after your job interviews. Have two more examples handy so that she can’t write that one off as an anomaly.

Then, tell her what you want. Ask her to listen to you when you talk. Request that she not interrupt or change the subject when you are attempting to get a point across. Tell her that the way she can actually be your best friend is to listen more and talk less.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband often buys new items for the household (appliances that will benefit everyone in the house) but presents them as gifts to me. He doesn’t understand that buying a new washer and dryer is not a gift for me if we will both benefit from the appliance. How do I get him to understand why this isn’t acceptable? -- Bad Gifts

DEAR BAD GIFTS: Your husband’s gesture is not unusual, nor is your reaction to it. When a household needs appliances in order to function, they often become a gift because they can be pricey and take extra effort and money to procure. Yet, an appliance is not the same thing as a personal gift for you.

Be gentle as you attempt to make this point. Thank your husband for buying the appliance that the family needs. Point out that you appreciate him making this purchase for the home, but that it is not the same as getting something special just for you. Tell him you would appreciate something that is not tied to housework or the overall functioning of the home when he gives you a gift. You wish he would do something more personal for you.

Give him ideas. For me, it could be as simple as a bouquet of flowers, an invitation for dinner at a local restaurant, tickets to a performance by an artist I love, tickets to a film I am interested in, a scarf in my favorite color or a bottle of perfume.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a terrible falling-out with my previous boss. She treated me horribly, and we parted on a bad note. I was respectful and loyal to her for the entire time I worked with her, but we don’t speak anymore.

She is the only boss I've ever had. Is it wise for me to keep her as a reference on my resume? I don’t have any other reference to use. -- Need Reference

DEAR NEED REFERENCE: I always say that endings are more important than beginnings because the reverberations of endings last a long time. Ideally, you want to close out relationships so that both parties feel good about each other when they walk away.

If you need this woman’s reference, it sounds like you need to mend that relationship somehow. You need to find it in your heart to forgive her for her bad behavior and to recognize what happened at the breaking point. Then reach out to her. Ask to see her in person. If possible, gauge how she is doing and what is happening in her business. Tell her you are sorry that things ended the way they did. Remind her that she was your first boss, and therefore, she will always hold a special place in your life. Then be direct and ask her if she will write you a letter of recommendation, as you are looking for a new job and would appreciate her support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Veterans Day! To all of you who have served in the United States military, we thank you for your service to our country. Most Americans have someone in their family who has served in the military. For many, it is a badge of honor to do so. Now is the time to focus on family members and loved ones who have served and pause to acknowledge them.

I was recently reminded of the deep sentiment that can come from serving in this way. My family and I spent the two summers of COVID-19 living in the back house of friends who reside in a historically African American beach community in the Hamptons in New York. There’s tremendous legacy there, including our host, Mr. Bill Pickens, known as the unofficial mayor of Sag Harbor Hills. Uncle Bill, as all fondly call him, served in the military. Indeed, he spent time in Japan, long enough to become fluent in the language and later help to create a foundation to support American-Japanese relations. Uncle Bill proudly put on his fatigue-green military jumpsuit one Sunday afternoon and regaled us with stories of time gone by. He was a proud member of the U.S. military and of his community. He savored each moment. We lost Uncle Bill Sept. 27, on his 85th birthday.

I remember him now as we recall all of our veterans. It is a sacrifice to serve in this way, to put yourself in harm’s way to protect our country. It also can be incredibly rewarding. Through this service, you learn what honor means. You learn how to put your country first. You learn how to embrace the ideals upon which this country was founded.

At Uncle Bill’s funeral, which was attended by hundreds of people who all took care to wear masks and stay safe, taps was performed. It took me back to my own father’s funeral some 20 years ago. My dad served in the Army during World War II, when he was a lieutenant. At interment, we heard taps and a 21-gun salute, all part of the pageantry of a veteran’s funeral and a powerful way of sending off a soul.

On Veteran’s Day 2021, we celebrate all the brave Americans who have offered their lives in service -- both those who are among us and those who have passed. We give thanks for your commitment to our country. While imperfect, the United States holds the ideal that we all deserve to be protected and free. As we contemplate what freedom looks like today, let us think of those who have fought for it and offer our gratitude. Let’s also pay attention to the veterans who are in need. The trauma that some veterans experience while in service can be harrowing. We must not forget them after they come home. For more information on how to support veterans who are in need, go to mentalhealth.va.gov.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)