DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend lives in East Los Angeles, and I live in the Valley. Whenever we hang out, she usually suggests that we do things on her side of town because the Valley “doesn’t have a nightlife scene.” I don't mind taking the drive every once in a while, but most of the time she wants to drink. Because of the drive I have to make, I don't get to drink with her. I don’t think that this is fair, but I don’t want to make it into a big issue. How can we compromise? -- Meet Halfway

DEAR MEET HALFWAY: It’s smart that you are thinking hard on this one. Drinking and driving is dangerous, as you know, and Los Angeles has very strict penalties for those who break the rules. Even more, you want to be safe.

Talk to your friend and tell her what your concern is. You do not always want to be the one who can’t hang out. Do your research to learn if there are any fun places in your neighborhood where she might want to visit. Invite her to try one of them. You may also consider doing sleepovers on the nights that you do hang out. For safety, think about going to your friend’s house, dropping off both cars and getting a car service to take you to the bar. Sleep at her house and then drive home sober the next day. The same could work when you go out in the Valley.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going out more to social events for work and with friends. It’s still kind of scary to be around people, though. People start out wearing masks but inevitably take them off, especially if there are food and drinks being served. All the events I have attended required proof of vaccination and a photo ID, so I know the establishments are trying to keep people safe. I still keep my distance, though, and I don’t shake hands. I offer my elbow or just kind of bow my head in acknowledgment. Some people are quick to lean in and want to hug and kiss. How can I get people to keep their distance in these public settings? -- Step Back

DEAR STEP BACK: Your stance and overall posture can help you to get others to keep their distance. Do not reach out toward them or lean in to be available for any type of embrace. Offer your elbow and say this is how you are comfortable greeting people right now. Literally step back when you notice someone coming in for a physical greeting. Cross your arms over your chest or clasp your hands behind your back. Do what you must to block people who are coming in too close for your comfort.

When the crowd swells, stay on the perimeter so that you can breathe and make a quick exit, if needed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have not been getting along very well for some time now. Recently, I noticed that he changed the password on his cellphone. He has never done this before in the nearly 30 years we have been married. My guess is he did it because I questioned him about a “friend” he has been spending time with who I think is inappropriate. I knew he was seeing her more than he admitted because I saw messages from her on his phone a while back. I didn’t tell him what I saw, though. Do I confront him now about the locked phone? About this woman again? What should I do? Even though we haven’t been close recently, I’m not ready to give up on us. -- Unlock His Heart

DEAR UNLOCK HIS HEART: The locked phone and the surreptitious engagements with this woman are an indication of something bigger going on that you two need to address. Are you ready to have a serious conversation with your husband? Being married for 30 years is not an insurance policy for your future. If you want your marriage to survive, you have to fight for it.

Ask your husband to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with you. Bring up some positive highlights of your life together -- from back in the day and any you can think of from recent times. Point out that your relationship has been distant and rocky, and you are concerned. Tell him that you want the two of you to choose to work on your marriage and add some spark back into your lives.

I spoke to the legendary actress Ruby Dee, who was married to Ossie Davis for more than 50 years, about the secret to a long, happy marriage. She told me that one partner always has to want to work for the marriage. If neither wants it, there’s no chance for survival. Declare that you want your marriage to work, and ask your husband to recommit as well. You should also ask him if he is willing to walk away from whatever extramarital bonds he is forming in order to give your marriage a chance.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend was drinking the other day and told me something that he didn’t mean to. I mentioned it to him today, and he was immediately shocked that he would share a secret like that with me. I’m a little offended that he didn’t initially trust me enough to tell me and had to be inebriated before he could share it with me. I don’t keep secrets from him. Am I right to be offended? -- Keeping Secrets

DEAR KEEPING SECRETS: People have different thresholds for what they keep to themselves. It’s not going to help you to be offended by the fact that your friend withheld information from you. Instead, assure him that his secret is safe with you and that he can trust you no matter what is happening in his life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event the other day -- for the first time in nearly two years -- and I saw some people I know there. One friend posted pictures from the event on social media. She included several shots of me that simply are not flattering. She caught me in one shot where my butt is up in the air. I think I was leaning down to pick something up off the floor. In another shot, I’m eating food and you can see me chewing. And in another, I just don’t look good. I can’t imagine why she would have chosen these shots. All the pictures of her look great. I’m thinking she didn’t look closely at the ones of me. I want to ask her to take down my pictures. Do you think that’s going too far? -- No More Photos

DEAR NO MORE PHOTOS: We live in a social media world, and that sometimes -- or often -- means that people are snapping photos of you and posting them without your permission. If you are in a public place, technically people can take pictures of you and everybody else who is there. You may not have a legal leg to stand on here.

But you didn’t ask that. Of course you should reach out to your friend. Tell her how nice it was to see her at the event. You can reminisce about whatever stood out for you during the gathering. Then pivot and tell her you saw the photos she posted on social. Directly tell her that you do not think that the photos she posted of you are flattering. Tell her what you do not like about them, and ask her to take them down. If she has other photos that are more flattering, perhaps she can replace the photos in question with those, or simply exclude you from the posting. Be clear and strong with your request, but know that she may not comply.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s dog died, and she is devastated. She is a single woman in her late 40s. Most of her friends have kids. She had her dog. She has decided to host a funeral for the dog. I think that’s a bit extreme, but it’s what she wants to do. She and I are pretty close, but I don’t know how I feel about this. Do you think I should go to the funeral? -- Doggy Service

DEAR DOGGY SERVICE: You are right. Some people think of their pets as their children. Losing them can be a deeply sorrowful experience, and hosting a service to honor them has proven to be helpful for some pet owners. You don’t have to understand your friend’s motivations in order to support her.

I recommend going to the funeral. Be there for your friend. Let her know that you care about her and that you are sorry that she is in mourning. Be reverent and respectful, even if you don’t quite understand the gravity of her pain. That’s what good friends do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)