DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I recently received a note from good friends of ours stating that they are having an in-person wedding for their daughter, but because of COVID-19, we are not invited. They added that if we want to give a gift from the registry, here is the link. I thought that was awfully tacky. I get that we must do things differently because we want to be safe, but how do you not invite someone to a wedding and then ask for a gift? What do you think about that? -- Registry Only
DEAR REGISTRY ONLY: I can imagine that this communication felt insulting to you, even though I’m sure it was not intended in that way. Families are scrambling to try to figure out how to celebrate their loved ones as they begin their new lives together. Even without COVID-19, it was hard to determine whom to invite and whom to leave out. Now the guest list is much shorter as we attempt to preserve people’s health. What’s off-putting is the direct request for gifts.
It would have been better for them to send a notification that the couple is getting married and provide an address for those who want to send a card or a gift. Better still would have been the hybrid option of having the wedding live-streamed so that everyone could watch. Then it’s easier to share registry information.
Saying you are not invited but you can give anyway is a bit insensitive, to say the least. My recommendation is, if you care about the couple getting married and want to support them, send a gift anyway. But it’s also perfectly fine to wish them well and move on.