DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband drinks, he gets nasty -- and he drinks a lot. Worse still, the next day he doesn't remember what he did or said the night before. I feel like this behavior only got worse while we were home for so long due to COVID-19. I have had enough. I’m tired of him cursing at me, telling me I don’t know anything, screaming and then telling me I’m crazy for saying he’s screaming. It really is out of control. Plus, we have started hanging out with other people of late, and he has embarrassed me around them. It’s bad enough for him to berate me privately, but now he has done it in front of witnesses. What can I do to get him to stop? When he is sober, he is kind and sometimes funny, but he has no recollection of that other side. -- Dr. Jekyll

DEAR DR. JEKYLL: If possible, use your smartphone to record your husband -- discreetly! -- the next time he is drunk and out of control. When your husband is sober, show him the footage so that he can see how he behaved. Being a witness to his own behavior may help to open his eyes. It can be a conversation starter as well. You can use it to point out that not only does his behavior turn negative, but he seems to have no memory of it. That should be cause for alarm.

Ask your husband to stop drinking and to seek out help to deal with whatever his emotional issues are that trigger the negativity toward you. Tell him you are tired of being treated this way. It must end now. Be prepared to establish consequences if your husband does not change.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has been looking for a home for months and has finally found an affordable studio apartment. He’s excited to move into his own place, and I’m happy for him, but I’m nervous about the neighborhood that he will be living in. I’ve heard bad things about that neighborhood my whole life, and I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him. How can I ensure my brother's safety in this sketchy new neighborhood? He’s already signed the lease; is it too late to convince him to back out? -- Worried Sister

DEAR WORRIED SISTER: Call your brother and tell him you need to talk. Express your concerns for his safety in this new neighborhood. Acknowledge how happy you are that he took the initiative and found a place to live, but note that you worry about whether this place is safe. Ask him if he walked around and checked out the area. Encourage him to get the full picture of how the neighborhood is now, given that it has long had a bad reputation.

Please know, however, that even in some “sketchy” neighborhoods, if you treat your neighbors well, they will often look out for you. Rather than trying to convince your brother to break his new lease, encourage him to create bonds with the people who live near him so that he can become a protected and vital new resident.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I might be staying with my girlfriend out of guilt. She’s done so much for me and helped me through such rough times in my life, but I do feel that the magic is gone. I’m scared that she doesn’t feel the way that I do and that our breakup will be much harder on her than me. What should I do? -- Guilty Boyfriend

DEAR GUILTY BOYFRIEND: You say that the “magic” is gone. What do you mean by that? What is missing now? You describe that your girlfriend helped you during difficult times. Now that your life is more stable, what do you feel you need and want? Sometimes when people survive a rough patch, they are ready to refresh their approach to life. That can mean doing it with the person who has been by your side for so long, or going solo. It is understandable that you are feeling guilty for not being sure about this relationship, especially since you say your girlfriend was pivotal in getting you to a better place. Before giving up, consider going to counseling.

First, talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. Thank her for all that she has done for you, and acknowledge that you aren’t happy right now. Invite her to go to counseling with you to see if you can sort things out. Give each other a chance to see if you can spark more “magic.” If not, you can choose to part ways, and it won’t be a shock to her because you will have been talking about your future together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m afraid my 30-year-old son is falling behind as an adult. When I was 30, I owned a house and was paying all my bills on my own. My son is not doing any of that. He still lives at home, for goodness’ sake! He works intermittently and mainly does little to nothing. When I get on him about building his life, he sulks. He doesn’t do chores and mainly stays in his room. I know it is not right to compare my son’s journey to my own, but I expected more from him at this age. How do I give him the push that he needs? -- Slacking Son

DEAR SLACKING SON: You are enabling your son by allowing him to live with you without working or contributing to the household. What you can do is set house rules that include housework and monthly financial contributions. If he doesn’t comply, evict him. Tough love may be the key to prompting him to turn the corner. You may want to get him psychologically evaluated before kicking him out to ensure that he isn’t suffering from depression or another mental health crisis. If he is, get him the help he needs. Otherwise, help him by establishing boundaries that require him to take action to own his life. Do not make comments about how different from yours his life has been. Stay focused on him. No comparisons.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt pulled me aside the other day to “lovingly” tell me that I’ve gained weight. I already knew that I was gaining weight, so I really didn’t need her to give me the news herself. Since we had that conversation, she’s been texting me with all sorts of diet and workout plans. I told her that I’m aware of my weight gain and don’t really need her advice, as I’m working on it myself.

It may seem like an overreaction, but it’s going to be a while before I want to speak to her again. Every time I talk to her, she finds a way to criticize me and make me feel bad about myself. Is it wrong to cut off my aunt altogether? -- Judgy Aunt

DEAR JUDGY AUNT: Some people show their love and concern by offering solutions to their loved ones’ problems. That seems to be what your aunt is doing. Her intentions may be good, but the impact is having a negative effect on you. Don’t get caught up in your aunt’s actions. You need to focus on taking care of yourself. How?

Stop responding to her. You can’t stop her from texting, but if you do not react at all to what she sends, chances are, eventually she will not reach out as much. When you see your aunt, tell her that you are working on yourself and you do not need her help. If she persists, sit down with her and lay it out. Tell her that her constant badgering about your weight is upsetting to you and not helpful for your weight-loss journey. Directly ask her to stop, then get up and move.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw on social media that the father of one of my childhood friends just passed away. My friend and I haven’t spoken directly in years, but we are Facebook friends. I regularly like his posts, and he likes mine. Occasionally, one of us will make a comment about something interesting that the other posts, but we haven’t tried to be in touch otherwise. I’m wondering if expressing my condolences on social media is enough. I feel like it would be nice to send his family a card or something, but I’m not even sure where they live. My family moved out of the neighborhood more than 20 years ago. Is it OK to send a message on social media? -- Condolences

DEAR CONDOLENCES: For better or worse, social media is a principal driver in personal communications these days. People find each other after long spells and stay in touch with the click of a mouse. And that’s OK. Sometimes, though, it can seem cold.

I suggest that for starters you write a note to your childhood friend in response to his announcement of his father’s passing. You may want to add a brief memory of the father in your note, something that will bring a smile to your friend’s face. You can also write a direct message that will be received personally by him and not seen by others. In that note, you may want to ask for his mailing address so you can send a personal card or gift.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)