DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I might be staying with my girlfriend out of guilt. She’s done so much for me and helped me through such rough times in my life, but I do feel that the magic is gone. I’m scared that she doesn’t feel the way that I do and that our breakup will be much harder on her than me. What should I do? -- Guilty Boyfriend

DEAR GUILTY BOYFRIEND: You say that the “magic” is gone. What do you mean by that? What is missing now? You describe that your girlfriend helped you during difficult times. Now that your life is more stable, what do you feel you need and want? Sometimes when people survive a rough patch, they are ready to refresh their approach to life. That can mean doing it with the person who has been by your side for so long, or going solo. It is understandable that you are feeling guilty for not being sure about this relationship, especially since you say your girlfriend was pivotal in getting you to a better place. Before giving up, consider going to counseling.

First, talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. Thank her for all that she has done for you, and acknowledge that you aren’t happy right now. Invite her to go to counseling with you to see if you can sort things out. Give each other a chance to see if you can spark more “magic.” If not, you can choose to part ways, and it won’t be a shock to her because you will have been talking about your future together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m afraid my 30-year-old son is falling behind as an adult. When I was 30, I owned a house and was paying all my bills on my own. My son is not doing any of that. He still lives at home, for goodness’ sake! He works intermittently and mainly does little to nothing. When I get on him about building his life, he sulks. He doesn’t do chores and mainly stays in his room. I know it is not right to compare my son’s journey to my own, but I expected more from him at this age. How do I give him the push that he needs? -- Slacking Son

DEAR SLACKING SON: You are enabling your son by allowing him to live with you without working or contributing to the household. What you can do is set house rules that include housework and monthly financial contributions. If he doesn’t comply, evict him. Tough love may be the key to prompting him to turn the corner. You may want to get him psychologically evaluated before kicking him out to ensure that he isn’t suffering from depression or another mental health crisis. If he is, get him the help he needs. Otherwise, help him by establishing boundaries that require him to take action to own his life. Do not make comments about how different from yours his life has been. Stay focused on him. No comparisons.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt pulled me aside the other day to “lovingly” tell me that I’ve gained weight. I already knew that I was gaining weight, so I really didn’t need her to give me the news herself. Since we had that conversation, she’s been texting me with all sorts of diet and workout plans. I told her that I’m aware of my weight gain and don’t really need her advice, as I’m working on it myself.

It may seem like an overreaction, but it’s going to be a while before I want to speak to her again. Every time I talk to her, she finds a way to criticize me and make me feel bad about myself. Is it wrong to cut off my aunt altogether? -- Judgy Aunt

DEAR JUDGY AUNT: Some people show their love and concern by offering solutions to their loved ones’ problems. That seems to be what your aunt is doing. Her intentions may be good, but the impact is having a negative effect on you. Don’t get caught up in your aunt’s actions. You need to focus on taking care of yourself. How?

Stop responding to her. You can’t stop her from texting, but if you do not react at all to what she sends, chances are, eventually she will not reach out as much. When you see your aunt, tell her that you are working on yourself and you do not need her help. If she persists, sit down with her and lay it out. Tell her that her constant badgering about your weight is upsetting to you and not helpful for your weight-loss journey. Directly ask her to stop, then get up and move.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw on social media that the father of one of my childhood friends just passed away. My friend and I haven’t spoken directly in years, but we are Facebook friends. I regularly like his posts, and he likes mine. Occasionally, one of us will make a comment about something interesting that the other posts, but we haven’t tried to be in touch otherwise. I’m wondering if expressing my condolences on social media is enough. I feel like it would be nice to send his family a card or something, but I’m not even sure where they live. My family moved out of the neighborhood more than 20 years ago. Is it OK to send a message on social media? -- Condolences

DEAR CONDOLENCES: For better or worse, social media is a principal driver in personal communications these days. People find each other after long spells and stay in touch with the click of a mouse. And that’s OK. Sometimes, though, it can seem cold.

I suggest that for starters you write a note to your childhood friend in response to his announcement of his father’s passing. You may want to add a brief memory of the father in your note, something that will bring a smile to your friend’s face. You can also write a direct message that will be received personally by him and not seen by others. In that note, you may want to ask for his mailing address so you can send a personal card or gift.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: People often assume that my biracial son is adopted. I am white, and my son looks exactly like his father. Of course I feel offended -- I carried my child for nine months and can’t even get proper credit for it. Should I correct people every single time? Why would people even make such bold assumptions in this day and age? -- Offended Mommy

DEAR OFFENDED MOMMY: We live in a culture where people have become more and more strident and invasive with their thoughts and comments. Social media has pushed many people over the edge in terms of feeling empowered to say disrespectful things to others, and that has spilled out into everyday communication. I am sorry that you are experiencing this as you go about your life with your son. 

I want to say that for the most part, you should ignore people’s comments. Random people you encounter in the course of a day who make false assumptions do not deserve your time or attention. Learning not to react at all to those people will be beneficial to you and your son in the long run.

If you are engaged in conversation with someone who asks you about your son or who states an assumption about his parentage, you can decide whether you want to educate the person. Instead of being defensive, you can say, “This is my son, and I gave birth to him.” You can add, “Lucky him, he looks just like his dad” or something like that. Keep it upbeat. It is important for your son to witness a positive attitude in the face of these comments.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started dating someone new, and everything is going great. Next week will be our third official date, but we text each other fairly often, so it feels like I know him very well. My question is: When would be the best time to tell him that I may never want kids? I know that revelation could potentially ruin things, but I’m sure it would be better to get it out of the way in the early stages. Should I tell him as soon as possible? Or should I wait until we define the relationship? -- Don’t Want Kids

DEAR DON’T WANT KIDS: Do you have a clear vision of what you want for your life? That includes what work you want to do, where you want to live and what community and family means to you. Do you have a reason why you don’t think you want to have children? Think through your ideas for your future so that you can talk about them as you get to know this man.

Let your thoughts about having children come naturally as you talk. Be prepared to tell him why you have come to this decision and whether it is negotiable. I will tell you: I did not intend to have children, and I told my husband as much when we were dating. Although he was disappointed, we still got married. Ten years into our marriage, I ended up getting pregnant and having a child. For me, I am so glad that I was wrong. I know plenty of people who never have children and are perfectly content. I thought I was, too. My point: If you can, remain flexible and avoid drawing definitive lines in the sand. Time often reveals new insights.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)