DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend told me he doesn’t own a suit or dress shoes because he has never needed them. I suppose this makes sense in theory, but I just can’t understand why a grown man wouldn’t own any formal clothing. Even my 15-year-old brother owns a suit. Is this a red flag? -- Buy a Suit

DEAR BUY A SUIT: Rather than thinking of this as a red flag, recognize it as a lack of exposure. This says to me that, up until now, your boyfriend has not gone anywhere that has required formal attire. For many people, formal dress is introduced early when attending religious services. These days, though, many spiritual homes allow people to dress informally, so even if he did go to a spiritual service, a suit may not have been a requirement.

What you can do is learn about your boyfriend’s upbringing and his world. What has been important to him and his family? What has he been exposed to? What is he interested in? Also talk to him about your life and what you find important.

As you get to know each other better, talk to him about where you want to go and what you want to do, along with your understanding of how you should present yourself in these different circumstances. In that context, let him know where a suit, tie and dress shoes are required or preferred. The range of opportunities is broad, by the way -- from a formal restaurant to a professional office to a civic organization’s annual gala to a social organization’s annual meeting, and plenty in between. If you open your boyfriend’s eyes to these opportunities without judging him, you will discover whether he is interested in participating and dressing the part.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine recently became a mother, and I couldn’t be happier for her. I love spending time with her and her new baby; it’s beautiful to see this new side of her. I have no problem listening to her talk about her baby and how in love she is with being a mom, but these days that’s really all she talks about. I definitely don’t want to tell her to stop talking about her child so much, but I don’t think she hears herself. Sometimes I just want to have girl time and not mom time. What should I do? -- Too Much Mom Talk

DEAR TOO MUCH MOM TALK: If the baby is still very young, it may be hard for your friend to separate her friend thoughts from baby thoughts. Over time, it becomes easier for new moms to loosen up and think about themselves and their friends more.

That said, you can tell your friend that you miss being able to talk to her about friend stuff. Invite her for a girls’ night out if she can have someone else watch her child. During that activity, encourage her to talk about other things and to listen to what you are going through. What may be easiest for her at first is to be an attentive listener. She may not have much else to contribute in the beginning because her world has been consumed by her child. If she can lean in, listen and chime in to respond to your life, that may be enough for now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just saw a post on social media from a woman I worked with years ago. Unlike me, she looks even healthier after the pandemic, social isolation and slothfulness that defined the past year-and-a-half for me. This woman is at least 75, and she looks 50. She had on a bathing suit, and her legs looked tight and lean. OK, yes, I am jealous. I feel like I never want to go outside again. I can hardly get into my bathing suit. How can I stop feeling jealous of people who were more disciplined than I was and make the decision to get healthier? -- Envious

DEAR ENVIOUS: Instead of wishing you were in your friend’s situation, jump-start your life. Consider her as inspiration rather than proof that you are a failure. Seeing her can serve as motivation. If she can be that tight and together at her age, so can you. You just have to take action. It absolutely is not too late for you to come up with a plan that will get you healthier.

My recommendation is that you start with your health professionals. Make an appointment with your internist for a complete physical. You want to get clear on what health issues you may have as well as your overall state of being. Ask for a referral to a nutritionist. What you eat is essential to how healthy your body can become. Work with the nutritionist to create an eating plan that you will follow. Set weight and fitness goals that correspond to timelines. This will help keep you accountable to yourself. Create a calendar that reflects daily, weekly and monthly goals. Engage your calendar every day. This will help keep you on track. If possible, secure an accountability partner who will work out with you, talk to you and help keep you on course.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was close friends with a girl a couple years ago, but since then we’ve drifted. She hangs out with different people now and rarely does anything with me. It feels like I’m always the one asking if she wants to catch a movie. She never even asks about my day anymore. I’m sad because we used to have so much fun together. I’m not sure if she’s feeling the same or even how to restart the friendship if we both wanted to. Any advice? -- Distant Friends

DEAR DISTANT FRIENDS: You actually do know that this friend has drifted away from you and is not interested --right now, anyway -- in spending time with you. It is just hard for you to accept. There’s a saying that we have some friends for a reason, others for a season and a few for a lifetime. Sounds like this friend’s season with you has passed. As painful as that may be, it is time for you to let go. Pressuring her to hang out with you, when she has demonstrated that you are not her priority, will not get her to change her mind. Sadly, that behavior probably reads as annoying or even desperate to her.

Lick your wounds and move on. When you open your eyes to other potential friendships, that’s when you may notice someone who wants to be in your company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I quit a job on the first day of training. It was a restaurant job. The environment was so stressful and awful I could just tell it wasn’t going to work out. The same day that I quit, I received a slew of hateful text messages from an unknown number; I’m assuming it was the girl who trained me. Should I go and say something to her? Now it has been a week, and the messages have subsided, but that was really creepy. I didn’t say anything rude to the people when I quit. I just knew it wasn’t right for me, so I told them that I wouldn’t be coming back. -- Quit During Training

DEAR QUIT DURING TRAINING: I’m sorry that you were besieged with such a negative response after you quit your training. It must have been hard to walk away from the job in the first place. Even though you knew it wasn’t a good fit, it was still an opportunity, and you put effort into it. But that is probably what your trainer was feeling too: namely, that she put in a lot of effort, and you didn’t give her a chance. Perhaps she was upset because your departure made her feel like she failed. Who knows?

The good news is that the negative texts have ended. You should save them for now, in case anything else flares up down the road, but do not dwell on them. I should add: If the texts were so offensive that you think the restaurant should know about them, you can share them with management. Otherwise, just keep them in case you need them down the line.

The bigger question for you is about how you handle stress and where you should look for work given your personality and tolerance for intensity. Restaurants typically are high-stress environments. What other interests do you have? Look for a field that better matches your personality and capabilities, and give whatever you choose a chance -- definitely more than one day next time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is having a hard time getting over his ex-girlfriend. I believe he’s holding on to some hope that they will get back together, but to me it’s quite obvious that she’s moved on. I don’t want him to set himself up for even more heartbreak. How can I help my friend come to terms with reality? -- Time To Move On

DEAR TIME TO MOVE ON: Until your friend opens his eyes to his own reality, you likely don’t stand a chance at getting him to see things differently. Rather than attempting to convince him of where his ex stands, encourage him to do other things. You can invite him to hang out with you or with a group of friends. You can check in with him regularly and just talk. This is a time when it may be wise to tell him stories about your life and adventures or positive things about other people -- to get his mind off his ex. Avoid saying anything negative about his ex. Do your best not to talk about her at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)