DEAR HARRIETTE: One of the reasons I fell in love with my girlfriend was her unwavering support for her friends and colleagues. She seemed to be everyone's biggest cheerleader no matter what, and I loved this about her. Now that we are officially together, I'm starting to feel a little different about that supportive quality. She shows the same type of love and supportiveness toward other men -- including some I’m not particularly fond of. I think that kind of thing is a little inappropriate when you’re in a relationship. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- Too Supportive
DEAR TOO SUPPORTIVE: Define what you mean about "support" of these male friends. Has your girlfriend said or done anything that crosses the line of intimacy with these men? What exactly is upsetting you? What do you not like about these men?
Be as clear as possible in your evaluation. I say this because you seem to be holding a double standard for your girlfriend. If her manner is to be supportive to her friends and colleagues, that does not mean only to female friends. If she has male friends and colleagues, it seems natural that she would cheerlead for them too. You need to dig deep to figure out what's bothering you. Are these men taking advantage of your girlfriend? Do you believe that any of them like her as more than a friend? Does your girlfriend seem interested in any of them?
If your jealousy is unfounded, you will need to stand down and just let her be herself, which includes being supportive of her male friends. If someone seems to be challenging your relationship, step up and talk to your girlfriend about it.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)