DEAR HARRIETTE: My father recently passed away, and I have so many feelings about it. We had not been close for years. I tried to stay connected to him, but after he and my mom got divorced, he stopped talking to us. We went 20 years before speaking, and that was only for a moment.

When I got sick with COVID-19, my father reached out to me through my siblings, but we never saw each other. Now he has died, and I have learned all kinds of things about him, including that he and his girlfriend had many foster children. They were constantly taking care of other children, but he never took care of me or my siblings. I have also learned that he didn’t include us in his will or his pension. I feel hurt all over again. I can’t figure out why he didn’t love me. My heart aches. What can I do? -- Brokenhearted

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: First, I am so sorry for your loss. Even though you were not close to your father, the finality of his death has hit you hard. I imagine you always longed for him to reach out just one more time. Who knows what happened between your mother and him that caused their marriage to end and for him to be completely estranged from you and your siblings? I feel certain it was nothing that the children did. Sadly, children of broken homes often suffer the repercussions of broken hearts.

Instead of beating yourself up about what you could have done differently, ask for peace to move forward with your life. Welcome grace into your heart as you attempt to forgive your father for his shortcomings and draw upon your inner strength to live your life independent of him -- which you were already doing. If you can, also seek out a grief counselor who can help you through this tender time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm starting to think I may have a binge eating disorder. I’m 28 years old and just recently realized that my eating habits are extremely irregular and different from those around me. I have days where I eat everything in sight and days where I eat nothing at all. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, to be completely honest. I wasn’t even fully aware that I was doing it because it’s so normal for me. Is this something that I need professional help for? I just want to regulate my diet and be healthier from the inside out. -- Ready To Change

DEAR READY TO CHANGE: Congratulations on recognizing that you may have a problem. This is the first step toward recovery. Most people benefit from professional help when they are grappling with an eating disorder. Whenever you are facing down a behavioral issue, it’s good to get help and guidance to kick it. Seek out a therapist now.

Also look up binge eating disorders to learn more. There are many signs to look out for, from eating excessive amounts of food at one time to hiding or hoarding food in unusual places. Read more at the National Eating Disorders website, nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/bed. The wear and tear on your body from such a disorder can be real and long-lasting. Get help now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom's boyfriend is not a good guy at all. He's been arrested several times, and I think he currently has a warrant our for his arrest. My sister and I also recently found out that he has a child by another woman that he never told my mom about. My mom is in her late 50s and has never had the best of luck when it comes to men. I think that she's holding on to this guy out of desperation. I want her to realize that there's so much better out there and that she doesn't have to settle for this man. All he’s doing is dragging her down. What do I do? -- Dump Him

DEAR DUMP HIM: This is your mother’s life, not yours. Just as you might fail to change a girlfriend’s mind about a bad boyfriend, the same is likely to happen with your mother until the day she wakes up and realizes that this man isn’t good for her. I’m sorry to say that, but it’s probably true.

What you can do is encourage your mom to do things with you and your sister, with girlfriends and neighbors. Try to get her to expand her sphere so that she engages in activities that she finds fun and fulfilling independent of him. Don’t bad-mouth her man, but if she asks for input or mentions his bad actions, you can state your opinion. Be there to support her without judging her. 

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a woman who gossips way too much. We enjoy each other's company and have lunch together almost every day, but she just won't stop gossiping. I've tried to tell her several times that it's inappropriate for her to talk about our team members, but she won't listen to me. I have inherent issues with people who spend all their time talking about others. I find that this is affecting our relationship, and I don't want it to. How do I go about telling her how uncomfortable I feel about her gossiping? -- Change the Subject

DEAR CHANGE THE SUBJECT: You may have to change your patterns. It is unlikely that you will be able to get this woman to change her behavior. Think of a project or duty that you can take on as an urgent task that will prevent you from having lunch with her every day. Beg off from your lunches for a while, letting her know you have something you must do. This way you can separate from her, hopefully without becoming fuel for her gossip. But know that a person who gossips about others probably also talks about you when you aren’t around.

If your cooling-off session gives you peace, keep it up. When you dine with her again, change the subject when she starts in about others. Tell her you just don’t want to hear this negativity. You want peace and positivity while you eat. If she refuses to stop, stop eating with her for good. Expect to endure her verbal wrath. Just chalk it up to being part of the club.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has no idea how to dress. Whenever we go out, she wears something ridiculous or inappropriate and embarrasses me. Sometimes the outfits will be out of style, or they’ll make no sense whatsoever for the occasion or weather. It's really getting out of hand. I don't want us to stop doing things together, but I feel like I'm not a real friend if I don't tell her how she looks. I also don’t want to come across as a hater because I know how it would sound. What do I tell her? -- Truth Hurts

DEAR TRUTH HURTS: You call this person your best friend; now it’s time to show her what that means. Instead of privately fuming about her wardrobe choices, tell her that you are concerned that she often seems to miss it when it comes to dressing for the occasion. Tell her that a lot of these activities have unwritten dress codes -- not that she has to be a cookie cutter of others, but more that there are parameters that she may want to consider before getting dressed. Ask her if she is willing to talk about this with you. If so, gently give her some examples where you believe she missed in a big way -- and why. Especially when you thought how she dressed was inappropriate, explain what went awry until you are sure she understands it.

Also, know that your friend may just have a quirky personal style and doesn’t want to conform to whatever standards the moment calls for. If that ends up being her stance, you will need to figure out how to accept her for who she is, weird wardrobe and all, and stop being embarrassed. Let her be her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think a group of boys that I go to school with are stealing from the department store where I work. I think they do it on purpose when I'm working because they don't think that I will tell anyone. I have no solid evidence other than the fact that I've seen a few of them wearing things from my store that I don't remember them buying. They never buy anything when they’re in the store; they just linger. I don't want to get in trouble because my manager knows that I know them. I'm really good friends with this group, and I do not want any of them going to jail. What do I do? -- Tattletale

DEAR TATTLETALE: Your job is to alert your boss to your concerns. Be direct and tell them that you have no evidence of their stealing, but you are suspicious. Suggest that security watch them closely. Offer that this makes you very uncomfortable because you know them, but you believe your responsibility is to alert your boss to possible theft. Ask not to be involved in surveilling them since you are in the awkward position of knowing them at your school.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)