DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom's boyfriend is not a good guy at all. He's been arrested several times, and I think he currently has a warrant our for his arrest. My sister and I also recently found out that he has a child by another woman that he never told my mom about. My mom is in her late 50s and has never had the best of luck when it comes to men. I think that she's holding on to this guy out of desperation. I want her to realize that there's so much better out there and that she doesn't have to settle for this man. All he’s doing is dragging her down. What do I do? -- Dump Him

DEAR DUMP HIM: This is your mother’s life, not yours. Just as you might fail to change a girlfriend’s mind about a bad boyfriend, the same is likely to happen with your mother until the day she wakes up and realizes that this man isn’t good for her. I’m sorry to say that, but it’s probably true.

What you can do is encourage your mom to do things with you and your sister, with girlfriends and neighbors. Try to get her to expand her sphere so that she engages in activities that she finds fun and fulfilling independent of him. Don’t bad-mouth her man, but if she asks for input or mentions his bad actions, you can state your opinion. Be there to support her without judging her. 

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a woman who gossips way too much. We enjoy each other's company and have lunch together almost every day, but she just won't stop gossiping. I've tried to tell her several times that it's inappropriate for her to talk about our team members, but she won't listen to me. I have inherent issues with people who spend all their time talking about others. I find that this is affecting our relationship, and I don't want it to. How do I go about telling her how uncomfortable I feel about her gossiping? -- Change the Subject

DEAR CHANGE THE SUBJECT: You may have to change your patterns. It is unlikely that you will be able to get this woman to change her behavior. Think of a project or duty that you can take on as an urgent task that will prevent you from having lunch with her every day. Beg off from your lunches for a while, letting her know you have something you must do. This way you can separate from her, hopefully without becoming fuel for her gossip. But know that a person who gossips about others probably also talks about you when you aren’t around.

If your cooling-off session gives you peace, keep it up. When you dine with her again, change the subject when she starts in about others. Tell her you just don’t want to hear this negativity. You want peace and positivity while you eat. If she refuses to stop, stop eating with her for good. Expect to endure her verbal wrath. Just chalk it up to being part of the club.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has no idea how to dress. Whenever we go out, she wears something ridiculous or inappropriate and embarrasses me. Sometimes the outfits will be out of style, or they’ll make no sense whatsoever for the occasion or weather. It's really getting out of hand. I don't want us to stop doing things together, but I feel like I'm not a real friend if I don't tell her how she looks. I also don’t want to come across as a hater because I know how it would sound. What do I tell her? -- Truth Hurts

DEAR TRUTH HURTS: You call this person your best friend; now it’s time to show her what that means. Instead of privately fuming about her wardrobe choices, tell her that you are concerned that she often seems to miss it when it comes to dressing for the occasion. Tell her that a lot of these activities have unwritten dress codes -- not that she has to be a cookie cutter of others, but more that there are parameters that she may want to consider before getting dressed. Ask her if she is willing to talk about this with you. If so, gently give her some examples where you believe she missed in a big way -- and why. Especially when you thought how she dressed was inappropriate, explain what went awry until you are sure she understands it.

Also, know that your friend may just have a quirky personal style and doesn’t want to conform to whatever standards the moment calls for. If that ends up being her stance, you will need to figure out how to accept her for who she is, weird wardrobe and all, and stop being embarrassed. Let her be her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think a group of boys that I go to school with are stealing from the department store where I work. I think they do it on purpose when I'm working because they don't think that I will tell anyone. I have no solid evidence other than the fact that I've seen a few of them wearing things from my store that I don't remember them buying. They never buy anything when they’re in the store; they just linger. I don't want to get in trouble because my manager knows that I know them. I'm really good friends with this group, and I do not want any of them going to jail. What do I do? -- Tattletale

DEAR TATTLETALE: Your job is to alert your boss to your concerns. Be direct and tell them that you have no evidence of their stealing, but you are suspicious. Suggest that security watch them closely. Offer that this makes you very uncomfortable because you know them, but you believe your responsibility is to alert your boss to possible theft. Ask not to be involved in surveilling them since you are in the awkward position of knowing them at your school.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad bought me a fake designer purse for my birthday. It was similar to a purse that I had wanted for a very long time, and I could tell that he was so proud that he was able to get it for me. However, I knew it was fake almost immediately. He's always asking why I never use it, and I just don't have the heart to tell him that I can't be seen with this purse. I even considered lying and saying that it was stolen. What do I do? -- Faux Bag

DEAR FAUX BAG: Your dad did the best he could with the resources that he has. I totally understand your objection to a fake version of the designer bag, but I hope you can see his perspective, too. He tried to make you happy. What you can do is wear the bag when you are with him. You can hang it back in your closet the rest of the time.

We are obsessed with labels in this country. As someone who grew up in the fashion industry, I understand the undue pressure that exists to have the right accessory and to be on trend. Sadly, this obsession we have with stuff, especially expensive designer stuff, can be to the detriment of relationships and bank accounts.

Show your father some gratitude and wear the bag proudly around him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think it’s time for me to take a little vacation by myself. I am in a relationship, but I really need my alone time. I've been considering this for a while, and I know that I want to go overseas. I plan on being gone for at least a week. How do I tell my partner that I would like to go on a vacation alone without seeming sketchy? We live together, so taking a vacation together wouldn't be super ideal for me. I don't want them thinking that I'm going away to go cheat on them or anything. -- Lone Traveler

DEAR LONE TRAVELER: Be upfront with your partner. The more open and honest you are, the easier it will be to accept your plan. Explain that you are a person who needs alone time. You have long wanted to take a trip by yourself. Now that things are opening up again, you want to plan a personal getaway. Make it clear that this has nothing to do with your relationship, that it’s about you and your need to be by yourself.

If you are asked about the implications of this solo travel on your relationship, be clear about what it means for you -- and what it does not. If it’s true, make the point that cheating isn’t even a thought. Instead, you need to be able to explore, clear your head and just be. You believe this will help you to be more fully present in your life and in your relationship when you return.

Be prepared to talk about it until your partner gets comfortable. Know that this is not so unusual. People figure out all kinds of ways to live their lives. There is no one way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)