DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a virtual meeting at my job the other day, and someone made a racist comment about a fellow co-worker who was not on the call. I was shocked that this person made the comment, but it was almost worse that nobody said anything about it. I didn’t speak up either. I am in a junior position and was afraid that if I said something, my job might be in jeopardy. But I’m still mad about it. A few people have been texting about it, but that isn’t going to change anything. Do you think I should say something to my boss? He didn’t make the statement, but he has the power to address the situation. I want to be an ally, but I don’t really know how. -- Becoming an Ally

DEAR BECOMING AN ALLY: Too often, when people make rude, racist or misogynistic statements in front of others, those assembled freeze or otherwise fail to acknowledge what was said. That is considered being a bystander in a situation where allyship is needed. People need to build the courage to speak up. Otherwise, no lessons will be learned, and hurtful statements will continue to be made. Sometimes the moment calls for people to stand in harm’s way in order to bring light to a wrong.

It is not too late for you to act. Yes, speak to your boss and revisit what happened. Ask your boss if he thinks it was wrong and if he would address it. If the answer is no, go to human resources and report the situation. If you have a diversity, equity and inclusion office, you can also report this incident there.

If you have a relationship with the offender, you can also speak directly to that person and share that what was said offended you and that you hope they will not say such things again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'd like to find ways to be less critical of myself. It seems that lately all I do is think of the ways that I’m inadequate. I’m constantly comparing myself to my peers and co-workers, and I recognize that that’s a problem. I’m not sure how to solve this. I fear that I’ve been doing it subconsciously for so many years that it’s ingrained into my personality. What should I do? -- Self-Critic

DEAR SELF-CRITIC: Now is a perfect time for you to start creating a formal list of your attributes. What are you good at? What are your accomplishments -- over time and this week? Count little victories as well as larger ones. Some of the best successes, by the way, come out of problem-solving. So think about what you have been able to overcome. Write it all down. Decide that you will look at yourself in the mirror every single day and profess your love to yourself. Say, “I love you just the way you are!” Say it with joy and resonance. Even on days when you are feeling low, stand in front of that mirror and call forth your personal greatness.

When you start doubting yourself, go back to the mirror and point out every great thing that you see. Even if you start out critical, look hard until you see something to celebrate. It could be the twinkle in your eye, the curl of your hair. Find something. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been waiting for months to go visit my family. We live in different states, and the rules have been so strict around COVID-19 that we have not been able to see one another. Now that my husband and I are fully vaccinated, we want to make the trip -- especially because we have elderly family members we haven’t seen for far too long. I work from home, so it’s no issue for me when we get back. My husband has to go into an office for his job. We just learned that some family members have not been vaccinated yet. How can we be sure that we won’t have to quarantine for two weeks when we return? -- Taking a Trip

DEAR TAKING A TRIP: The good news is that many states are beginning to lift their travel restrictions as more and more people get vaccinated. What you must do is check the restrictions that are in place for your state and wherever you are traveling. Also, there may be specific rules for traveling by plane or public transportation versus your own vehicle. This article may help: bit.ly/3uWXP3j.

Continue to follow CDC health protocols even though you are vaccinated, including wearing a mask when around your family if they haven’t been vaccinated. I would wear a mask around your elders, even if they have been vaccinated, out of an abundance of caution; wash your hands constantly; keep your distance. As the experts say, we are not out of the woods yet, so be vigilant. But it’s wonderful that you will get to see your family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: So many people have invited me to get together with them. They are calling these gatherings vaccination parties. I totally get it. I want to see my friends, too. But I’m still skittish. I am fully vaccinated now, but I have seen reports of people who are fully vaccinated getting COVID-19. I even heard of a seemingly healthy man who died of it after he got the vaccine. I don’t want to risk it. How can I not seem like a scaredy-cat? My friends keep calling. -- Afraid to Party

DEAR AFRAID TO PARTY: Being cautious is smart in my book. But it is also important to stay informed. The rules against being with other people have relaxed significantly since vaccinations have started. Guidelines suggest that you can gather in small groups with other vaccinated people without wearing masks and without being 6 feet apart. But medium and large in-person gatherings are not recommended. Find out how many people are supposed to be part of the gatherings in question. Confirm that only vaccinated people will be in attendance. Make your decision on a case-by-case basis.

Here are the clearly delineated guidelines from the CDC for vaccinated people: bit.ly/32euvsv.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started talking to a guy during quarantine, and now he wants to take me out. We got close -- from a distance -- over this past year. We even had phone sex. It was fun, given the circumstances. I feel safe with him, or as safe as you can when you haven’t physically spent time together.

Because we have established intimacy on the phone and over Zoom, I think he is going to want to actually be physically close soon. I’m scared to death in part because actual intimacy is something I haven’t had in a whole year, and also because even though I feel like I know him, this also feels really new. How can I talk to him about this so that things don’t get awkward? I am nowhere close to ready to have actual sex with him, but I do want to get together. -- Real Life

DEAR REAL LIFE: Be honest with him. Acknowledge how much fun you have had this past year, getting to know him virtually. Tell him that you are excited about getting together with him in person. Admit, though, that you are a bit nervous. Developing a virtual relationship feels different from cultivating a bond in person. Admit that you are concerned about taking things too fast. Tell him that you want to take it slow and get to know each other in person. You may not have to mention sex at all. If you think it’s necessary, tell him that you don’t want to be intimate with him yet. You want to wait until it feels right.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have been friends for almost 25 years. We managed to stay close when I went away to college, but when I returned, I realized that our relationship has not been as fruitful. When we hang out, I don't feel valued; I feel insignificant, like my concerns, emotions and ideas are unimportant, and that her issues are somehow worse and her views are more important. I'm feeling so burdened and irritated. How can I break up with my friend? -- Outgrowing Friends

DEAR OUTGROWING FRIENDS: Before you walk away from this lifelong friendship, speak up. Tell your friend that you want to get together to have a heart-to-heart. Be open and honest with her. Explain that you are not feeling valued in your friendship. Give her examples of how you two talk and how she seems to focus on herself to the exclusion of you. Be very specific when you illustrate what hurts your feelings or irritates you. It sounds like she is not a good listener and that she is self-centered. Do your best to outline what you want in your friendship. Make clear points about what would make you happy to get from her.

There is a good chance that your friend doesn’t realize that this is what she is doing. Give her a chance to change her ways. If she does not or cannot change, you don’t necessarily have to break up with her. You can simply spend less time with her. You can be less available to engage, get together or talk.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)