DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend has been looking for a new job for a while, and she finally got a job as a server at a high-end bar and restaurant. The problem is that she wasn’t totally honest with me about what kind of job it actually is. I researched the place and found out that the waitresses are required to wear really revealing outfits. I know how hard it was for her to get this job, but I'm really not comfortable with it. I also wish she had been more honest with me about it from the very beginning. What do I do? -- Deceived
DEAR DECEIVED: Your girlfriend probably didn’t tell you the details of her job because she was afraid you would react exactly as you have. The job market is tough right now for many people, and, sadly, that has meant that some people have had to compromise in terms of the jobs that they felt they had to accept. That has meant looking outside of their fields of study, interests or aptitudes at times. In your girlfriend’s case, the compromise seems to be about values -- at least from your perspective.
Rather than being mad at her, look at it for what it is: She needed a job. Talk to her about it with compassion. You can tell her you are disappointed that she didn’t confide in you. Ask her if the environment is safe. Find out if sexual favors are expected or if there’s any whiff of impropriety there. Admit that this job makes you uncomfortable. But as long as it's safe, offer to support her while she figures things out.