DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend has been looking for a new job for a while, and she finally got a job as a server at a high-end bar and restaurant. The problem is that she wasn’t totally honest with me about what kind of job it actually is. I researched the place and found out that the waitresses are required to wear really revealing outfits. I know how hard it was for her to get this job, but I'm really not comfortable with it. I also wish she had been more honest with me about it from the very beginning. What do I do? -- Deceived

DEAR DECEIVED: Your girlfriend probably didn’t tell you the details of her job because she was afraid you would react exactly as you have. The job market is tough right now for many people, and, sadly, that has meant that some people have had to compromise in terms of the jobs that they felt they had to accept. That has meant looking outside of their fields of study, interests or aptitudes at times. In your girlfriend’s case, the compromise seems to be about values -- at least from your perspective.

Rather than being mad at her, look at it for what it is: She needed a job. Talk to her about it with compassion. You can tell her you are disappointed that she didn’t confide in you. Ask her if the environment is safe. Find out if sexual favors are expected or if there’s any whiff of impropriety there. Admit that this job makes you uncomfortable. But as long as it's safe, offer to support her while she figures things out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a problem with the way my new boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend. There was no grand gesture, and it was way too casual for my liking. I did say yes because at the time I was very happy that he even asked me, but now I'm second-guessing. I wish that he had made a bigger deal of it. There was nothing exciting or grand about the way that he asked me. Is it even worth mentioning to him? Should I just get over it and move on? -- Need Effort

DEAR NEED EFFORT: What was missing in your boyfriend’s request? Think about what is upsetting you. Was your boyfriend not romantic enough? What exactly did he say and do? It could be that he realized he really wants to be with you and it felt natural and right, so he said it. That may seem simple, but it’s direct. Some people are like that. It could be that he’s awkward and shy or unceremonious and straightforward.

You need to figure out what is making you disappointed and decide if you can live with that, because your boyfriend probably thinks he made an appropriate gesture. If you really like him, you can introduce him to the ways you like to enjoy special moments. Be ready to accept, however, that he is not a man of grand gestures. That can be OK, too, as long as you figure out how to balance his manner with your expectations.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the mother of a beautiful and talented 23-year-old daughter. I have always wanted her to date and marry someone who was established, educated and of Christian faith. My daughter recently told me that she has started a relationship with a 28-year-old department store worker. He did not go to college, he is not a faithful Christian and he does not have his priorities set for establishing a career. I don't want to discourage my daughter from being with the person she wants to be with, but I want her to realize that she can date somebody with more to offer. What do I do? Do I continue to support her dating a man who is going nowhere? -- Skeptical

DEAR SKEPTICAL: Tread lightly here, Mom. Your daughter is at the age where she needs to claim her independence, even as -- if you are lucky -- she still values your opinion. If you put your foot down about wanting her to stop dating this man, you may end up pushing her right into his arms. Instead, talk to her. Ask her what qualities she wants in a partner. Ask her what she has dreamed her partner would be like, what attributes he might have, what values she would appreciate. Get her into the headspace of thinking about her future. Then you can ask her if the man fits her image of the man she desires to be her life partner.

The fact that he works in a department store does not have to be a dealbreaker. There are all kinds of jobs in the world. Sometimes a partner can be great without being ambitious. What’s more important, from my perspective, is whether he shares her values. I’m not sure what you mean about him not being a faithful Christian, but they should explore what is important to them spiritually, culturally, morally, financially -- everything. Encourage her to have those talks with him, which will help her learn if he is someone she’s just having fun with now, or if he might be “the one.”

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started a new job, and there are over 75 employees working at the company. It seems to be the culture of our workplace to hit Reply All to every single email. I am bombarded with a huge number of emails daily because of Reply All. My co-workers email one another about everything from the important to the mundane. I am sick of it! How do I ask my co-workers to stop including me in their emails without coming across as rude? -- Reply All

DEAR REPLY ALL: Going against the culture you have just entered may feel like swimming upstream against a rough tide, and it may not work. Instead of attempting that, why not ask your co-workers to label things “urgent” or “time sensitive” when they need a direct response from you? Point out that you find conversations confusing and difficult to follow when you are included on so many emails that do not apply to you. By asking for clarification so that you can be sure to do your job well, you introduce the idea of streamlining communication without calling out anybody for their inefficient practices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My two best friends and I go out to dinner every Friday night. We started this tradition after I got a huge promotion at my job and treated everyone to dinner. This happened several months ago.

Both of my friends have their own jobs and make good money. The problem is that they still expect me to pay the bill every time we go out for our Friday dinners. I don't do it every time, but they always suggest. It makes for an awkward evening when they consistently suggest that I handle the bill. When I asked them why they always think that I should cover them, they said that it's because I have the highest-paying job. They also say that we pay for each other all the time, and it's not a big deal. It is a big deal because I've never asked them to pay for anything I do, and I always handle my own tab. I'm thinking I may want to stop the Friday dinner tradition altogether. What should I do? Why do you think they keep doing this? -- Split the Check

DEAR SPLIT THE CHECK: You set the standard when you started this tradition by treating everyone. You will have to change it, or else it will remain awkward. You can tell them that it feels uncomfortable now when you guys go out because you realize that the expectation is that you should pay. Remind them that you paid that first time because you were celebrating and wanted to treat them all. Now that it’s just your time together, you do not want to be obligated to pay for everyone. You believe it should be shared. Tell them you don’t want this to be awkward for anybody, which is why you want to talk it out now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday was in early March. On the night of my birthday, a good friend of mine decided to take me out to dinner. I wasn't feeling very good that night, so I asked her if she could take me home early. She dropped me off back at my house, and I asked her to text me when she got home. Later, I found out that she got into a horrible car accident about an hour after dropping me off. She messed up her spine pretty badly.

I'm having a really hard time facing her and facing the guilt that I'm feeling. I’m feeling guilty because if she hadn't come to see me that night, maybe she would not have been in a car accident. She could've been killed, and that is also very hard to think about. I have no idea what to say to her or how to be there for her. I fear that she may resent me for avoiding her. What should I say? What should I do? -- Guilty Conscience

DEAR GUILTY CONSCIENCE: Not reaching out to your friend and doing anything you can to support her is what should make you feel guilty -- not the fact that she left you and had the accident. Push past your discomfort, and think about her. You called her a good friend. Now it’s time for you to step up and be exactly that. She needs you. Be there for her.

Visit her. Apologize for not being there sooner. Don’t go into your feelings of guilt. That’s about you. The focus needs to be on her now. Tell her how sorry you are that this happened, and ask how you can help her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)