DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the mother of a beautiful and talented 23-year-old daughter. I have always wanted her to date and marry someone who was established, educated and of Christian faith. My daughter recently told me that she has started a relationship with a 28-year-old department store worker. He did not go to college, he is not a faithful Christian and he does not have his priorities set for establishing a career. I don't want to discourage my daughter from being with the person she wants to be with, but I want her to realize that she can date somebody with more to offer. What do I do? Do I continue to support her dating a man who is going nowhere? -- Skeptical

DEAR SKEPTICAL: Tread lightly here, Mom. Your daughter is at the age where she needs to claim her independence, even as -- if you are lucky -- she still values your opinion. If you put your foot down about wanting her to stop dating this man, you may end up pushing her right into his arms. Instead, talk to her. Ask her what qualities she wants in a partner. Ask her what she has dreamed her partner would be like, what attributes he might have, what values she would appreciate. Get her into the headspace of thinking about her future. Then you can ask her if the man fits her image of the man she desires to be her life partner.

The fact that he works in a department store does not have to be a dealbreaker. There are all kinds of jobs in the world. Sometimes a partner can be great without being ambitious. What’s more important, from my perspective, is whether he shares her values. I’m not sure what you mean about him not being a faithful Christian, but they should explore what is important to them spiritually, culturally, morally, financially -- everything. Encourage her to have those talks with him, which will help her learn if he is someone she’s just having fun with now, or if he might be “the one.”

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started a new job, and there are over 75 employees working at the company. It seems to be the culture of our workplace to hit Reply All to every single email. I am bombarded with a huge number of emails daily because of Reply All. My co-workers email one another about everything from the important to the mundane. I am sick of it! How do I ask my co-workers to stop including me in their emails without coming across as rude? -- Reply All

DEAR REPLY ALL: Going against the culture you have just entered may feel like swimming upstream against a rough tide, and it may not work. Instead of attempting that, why not ask your co-workers to label things “urgent” or “time sensitive” when they need a direct response from you? Point out that you find conversations confusing and difficult to follow when you are included on so many emails that do not apply to you. By asking for clarification so that you can be sure to do your job well, you introduce the idea of streamlining communication without calling out anybody for their inefficient practices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My two best friends and I go out to dinner every Friday night. We started this tradition after I got a huge promotion at my job and treated everyone to dinner. This happened several months ago.

Both of my friends have their own jobs and make good money. The problem is that they still expect me to pay the bill every time we go out for our Friday dinners. I don't do it every time, but they always suggest. It makes for an awkward evening when they consistently suggest that I handle the bill. When I asked them why they always think that I should cover them, they said that it's because I have the highest-paying job. They also say that we pay for each other all the time, and it's not a big deal. It is a big deal because I've never asked them to pay for anything I do, and I always handle my own tab. I'm thinking I may want to stop the Friday dinner tradition altogether. What should I do? Why do you think they keep doing this? -- Split the Check

DEAR SPLIT THE CHECK: You set the standard when you started this tradition by treating everyone. You will have to change it, or else it will remain awkward. You can tell them that it feels uncomfortable now when you guys go out because you realize that the expectation is that you should pay. Remind them that you paid that first time because you were celebrating and wanted to treat them all. Now that it’s just your time together, you do not want to be obligated to pay for everyone. You believe it should be shared. Tell them you don’t want this to be awkward for anybody, which is why you want to talk it out now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday was in early March. On the night of my birthday, a good friend of mine decided to take me out to dinner. I wasn't feeling very good that night, so I asked her if she could take me home early. She dropped me off back at my house, and I asked her to text me when she got home. Later, I found out that she got into a horrible car accident about an hour after dropping me off. She messed up her spine pretty badly.

I'm having a really hard time facing her and facing the guilt that I'm feeling. I’m feeling guilty because if she hadn't come to see me that night, maybe she would not have been in a car accident. She could've been killed, and that is also very hard to think about. I have no idea what to say to her or how to be there for her. I fear that she may resent me for avoiding her. What should I say? What should I do? -- Guilty Conscience

DEAR GUILTY CONSCIENCE: Not reaching out to your friend and doing anything you can to support her is what should make you feel guilty -- not the fact that she left you and had the accident. Push past your discomfort, and think about her. You called her a good friend. Now it’s time for you to step up and be exactly that. She needs you. Be there for her.

Visit her. Apologize for not being there sooner. Don’t go into your feelings of guilt. That’s about you. The focus needs to be on her now. Tell her how sorry you are that this happened, and ask how you can help her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a loudmouth neighbor who has been remarkably quiet recently. She told me that she got cancer and was going to have to undergo treatment. My guess is that this is why she has gone radio silent. I see her husband and son from time to time; when I ask them how she’s doing, they are pretty tight-lipped, but I can tell that things aren’t so good. I like this woman even though she can be a pain in the neck. I would like to do something for her, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds. She loves to cook and would sometimes share dishes she had made with me. Do you think it would be good to make her a special dish? -- Reaching Out

DEAR REACHING OUT: It’s good that you have noticed your loud neighbor’s radio silence. And yes, it would be good to do something to let her know you are thinking about her. You can get a lovely card and write something nice to her wishing her a speedy recovery. You can send her flowers -- preferably ones that are not fragrant, in case she has sensitivities around smell.

I would not send her food unless her family says it’s a good idea. When people are undergoing cancer treatment, their eating habits and abilities are often compromised. Whatever you send could go to waste. When you see her family, be sure to ask them to say hello for you. You can also ask them if they need anything.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a somewhat heated debate with a client the other day because she made a big mistake that was embarrassing for my company. Later, I realized that while she definitely made a mistake, so did I. In the moment, I cut her down, really admonishing her for the mistake she made. When I realized that I was wrong, too, I said nothing. Should I go back and have a debrief and point out what went wrong on both sides? -- Post Mortem

DEAR POST MORTEM: Stepping back after a project ends to discuss what worked and what didn’t can be very helpful. In a situation like this where both sides made mistakes, it can be enlightening and healing for everything to be on the table. This helps to stop the finger-pointing and support learnings for the future.

I highly recommend including an apology there, too. If you were intense in the moment when you noticed the mistake -- one that may have been more inflamed than the moment called for -- say you are sorry for the way you reacted to the mistake. Also, very clearly admit what you did wrong as well so that you do not appear to be diminishing your role in the problem. Being honest and direct about the good and bad of a situation helps frame you as a trustworthy ally and leader. Owning your mistakes is a sign of strength and integrity.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)