DEAR HARRIETTE: My two best friends and I go out to dinner every Friday night. We started this tradition after I got a huge promotion at my job and treated everyone to dinner. This happened several months ago.

Both of my friends have their own jobs and make good money. The problem is that they still expect me to pay the bill every time we go out for our Friday dinners. I don't do it every time, but they always suggest. It makes for an awkward evening when they consistently suggest that I handle the bill. When I asked them why they always think that I should cover them, they said that it's because I have the highest-paying job. They also say that we pay for each other all the time, and it's not a big deal. It is a big deal because I've never asked them to pay for anything I do, and I always handle my own tab. I'm thinking I may want to stop the Friday dinner tradition altogether. What should I do? Why do you think they keep doing this? -- Split the Check

DEAR SPLIT THE CHECK: You set the standard when you started this tradition by treating everyone. You will have to change it, or else it will remain awkward. You can tell them that it feels uncomfortable now when you guys go out because you realize that the expectation is that you should pay. Remind them that you paid that first time because you were celebrating and wanted to treat them all. Now that it’s just your time together, you do not want to be obligated to pay for everyone. You believe it should be shared. Tell them you don’t want this to be awkward for anybody, which is why you want to talk it out now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday was in early March. On the night of my birthday, a good friend of mine decided to take me out to dinner. I wasn't feeling very good that night, so I asked her if she could take me home early. She dropped me off back at my house, and I asked her to text me when she got home. Later, I found out that she got into a horrible car accident about an hour after dropping me off. She messed up her spine pretty badly.

I'm having a really hard time facing her and facing the guilt that I'm feeling. I’m feeling guilty because if she hadn't come to see me that night, maybe she would not have been in a car accident. She could've been killed, and that is also very hard to think about. I have no idea what to say to her or how to be there for her. I fear that she may resent me for avoiding her. What should I say? What should I do? -- Guilty Conscience

DEAR GUILTY CONSCIENCE: Not reaching out to your friend and doing anything you can to support her is what should make you feel guilty -- not the fact that she left you and had the accident. Push past your discomfort, and think about her. You called her a good friend. Now it’s time for you to step up and be exactly that. She needs you. Be there for her.

Visit her. Apologize for not being there sooner. Don’t go into your feelings of guilt. That’s about you. The focus needs to be on her now. Tell her how sorry you are that this happened, and ask how you can help her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a loudmouth neighbor who has been remarkably quiet recently. She told me that she got cancer and was going to have to undergo treatment. My guess is that this is why she has gone radio silent. I see her husband and son from time to time; when I ask them how she’s doing, they are pretty tight-lipped, but I can tell that things aren’t so good. I like this woman even though she can be a pain in the neck. I would like to do something for her, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds. She loves to cook and would sometimes share dishes she had made with me. Do you think it would be good to make her a special dish? -- Reaching Out

DEAR REACHING OUT: It’s good that you have noticed your loud neighbor’s radio silence. And yes, it would be good to do something to let her know you are thinking about her. You can get a lovely card and write something nice to her wishing her a speedy recovery. You can send her flowers -- preferably ones that are not fragrant, in case she has sensitivities around smell.

I would not send her food unless her family says it’s a good idea. When people are undergoing cancer treatment, their eating habits and abilities are often compromised. Whatever you send could go to waste. When you see her family, be sure to ask them to say hello for you. You can also ask them if they need anything.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a somewhat heated debate with a client the other day because she made a big mistake that was embarrassing for my company. Later, I realized that while she definitely made a mistake, so did I. In the moment, I cut her down, really admonishing her for the mistake she made. When I realized that I was wrong, too, I said nothing. Should I go back and have a debrief and point out what went wrong on both sides? -- Post Mortem

DEAR POST MORTEM: Stepping back after a project ends to discuss what worked and what didn’t can be very helpful. In a situation like this where both sides made mistakes, it can be enlightening and healing for everything to be on the table. This helps to stop the finger-pointing and support learnings for the future.

I highly recommend including an apology there, too. If you were intense in the moment when you noticed the mistake -- one that may have been more inflamed than the moment called for -- say you are sorry for the way you reacted to the mistake. Also, very clearly admit what you did wrong as well so that you do not appear to be diminishing your role in the problem. Being honest and direct about the good and bad of a situation helps frame you as a trustworthy ally and leader. Owning your mistakes is a sign of strength and integrity.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband remarried a little while ago, and they eventually had a child. He and I share two kids from our marriage.

My oldest is starting to realize that the new child is getting a lot more attention than he did from his dad growing up. My oldest is in his late 20s now, so it seems kind of random for him to be harping on this the way he is. He will often compare his experiences with his father to the experiences that his youngest half-sibling is getting. I feel that it's not my place to address the resentment he's feeling toward his father. I really think that the two of them could benefit from a sit-down. Is it even my place to facilitate this? How can I make that happen? -- Hard Conversations

DEAR HARD CONVERSATIONS: I think it’s OK for you to start the conversation with your son. The reality is that your ex-husband had this child much later in life than when he had your son. I’m sure he has learned a lot from his past and is working to be a more attentive father this go-round. Yes, that may be hurtful to your son, but it is likely what is happening. It would be great if your son could recognize that he does not need to be in competition with his younger sibling. This is just a new time in the family’s life.

Recommend that he reach out to his dad to talk. Instead of complaining about how much attention this new child is getting, why not ask his dad to rekindle their bond? Even though your son is older, he still needs his dad. He should say that to his father and ask him to make time to connect. That will likely work much better than making his dad feel guilty for loving his baby too much.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know nothing about my birth parents. I was adopted when I was a newborn and was told very little about my biological mom and dad. I'm now in college and old enough to find myself getting more and more curious. I mentioned my birth parents to my adoptive mom and dad, and they said if I really wanted to talk about it, we could, but seemed clearly uninterested in willingly giving me information about them. I want to know more about my birth parents, but I don't want to upset my mom and dad. I also don't want to go behind their backs to find out more information because I don’t want to betray their trust. What should I do? -- Happily Adopted

DEAR HAPPILY ADOPTED: It is natural for you to be curious and perfectly normal to want to learn more. Tell your parents that you do want to learn more about your birth parents. Assure them that you love them, but this is a natural curiosity, and you would appreciate their help in pointing you to the adoption agency and any other information they have.

You can also start the process on your own. Child Welfare Information Gateway is the government agency that can help you start your research: acf.hhs.gov/cb/faq/adoption7.

If possible, include your parents in your exploration to the extent that they feel comfortable. This may help them know that you aren’t going behind their backs. You just want to know.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)