DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a loudmouth neighbor who has been remarkably quiet recently. She told me that she got cancer and was going to have to undergo treatment. My guess is that this is why she has gone radio silent. I see her husband and son from time to time; when I ask them how she’s doing, they are pretty tight-lipped, but I can tell that things aren’t so good. I like this woman even though she can be a pain in the neck. I would like to do something for her, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds. She loves to cook and would sometimes share dishes she had made with me. Do you think it would be good to make her a special dish? -- Reaching Out

DEAR REACHING OUT: It’s good that you have noticed your loud neighbor’s radio silence. And yes, it would be good to do something to let her know you are thinking about her. You can get a lovely card and write something nice to her wishing her a speedy recovery. You can send her flowers -- preferably ones that are not fragrant, in case she has sensitivities around smell.

I would not send her food unless her family says it’s a good idea. When people are undergoing cancer treatment, their eating habits and abilities are often compromised. Whatever you send could go to waste. When you see her family, be sure to ask them to say hello for you. You can also ask them if they need anything.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a somewhat heated debate with a client the other day because she made a big mistake that was embarrassing for my company. Later, I realized that while she definitely made a mistake, so did I. In the moment, I cut her down, really admonishing her for the mistake she made. When I realized that I was wrong, too, I said nothing. Should I go back and have a debrief and point out what went wrong on both sides? -- Post Mortem

DEAR POST MORTEM: Stepping back after a project ends to discuss what worked and what didn’t can be very helpful. In a situation like this where both sides made mistakes, it can be enlightening and healing for everything to be on the table. This helps to stop the finger-pointing and support learnings for the future.

I highly recommend including an apology there, too. If you were intense in the moment when you noticed the mistake -- one that may have been more inflamed than the moment called for -- say you are sorry for the way you reacted to the mistake. Also, very clearly admit what you did wrong as well so that you do not appear to be diminishing your role in the problem. Being honest and direct about the good and bad of a situation helps frame you as a trustworthy ally and leader. Owning your mistakes is a sign of strength and integrity.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband remarried a little while ago, and they eventually had a child. He and I share two kids from our marriage.

My oldest is starting to realize that the new child is getting a lot more attention than he did from his dad growing up. My oldest is in his late 20s now, so it seems kind of random for him to be harping on this the way he is. He will often compare his experiences with his father to the experiences that his youngest half-sibling is getting. I feel that it's not my place to address the resentment he's feeling toward his father. I really think that the two of them could benefit from a sit-down. Is it even my place to facilitate this? How can I make that happen? -- Hard Conversations

DEAR HARD CONVERSATIONS: I think it’s OK for you to start the conversation with your son. The reality is that your ex-husband had this child much later in life than when he had your son. I’m sure he has learned a lot from his past and is working to be a more attentive father this go-round. Yes, that may be hurtful to your son, but it is likely what is happening. It would be great if your son could recognize that he does not need to be in competition with his younger sibling. This is just a new time in the family’s life.

Recommend that he reach out to his dad to talk. Instead of complaining about how much attention this new child is getting, why not ask his dad to rekindle their bond? Even though your son is older, he still needs his dad. He should say that to his father and ask him to make time to connect. That will likely work much better than making his dad feel guilty for loving his baby too much.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know nothing about my birth parents. I was adopted when I was a newborn and was told very little about my biological mom and dad. I'm now in college and old enough to find myself getting more and more curious. I mentioned my birth parents to my adoptive mom and dad, and they said if I really wanted to talk about it, we could, but seemed clearly uninterested in willingly giving me information about them. I want to know more about my birth parents, but I don't want to upset my mom and dad. I also don't want to go behind their backs to find out more information because I don’t want to betray their trust. What should I do? -- Happily Adopted

DEAR HAPPILY ADOPTED: It is natural for you to be curious and perfectly normal to want to learn more. Tell your parents that you do want to learn more about your birth parents. Assure them that you love them, but this is a natural curiosity, and you would appreciate their help in pointing you to the adoption agency and any other information they have.

You can also start the process on your own. Child Welfare Information Gateway is the government agency that can help you start your research: acf.hhs.gov/cb/faq/adoption7.

If possible, include your parents in your exploration to the extent that they feel comfortable. This may help them know that you aren’t going behind their backs. You just want to know.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has been really depressed lately and is gaining a lot of weight as a result. I've noticed him eating a lot and not exercising at all. It's been gradual; since last November, he’s been slowly gaining more and more weight. I think losing our great-aunt may have triggered this depression. They were very close, and he really hasn’t been the same since she died. I’m concerned for his health and his happiness. Losing control of his weight may worsen his depression. How can I intervene without upsetting him or making him feel bad? -- Intervening

DEAR INTERVENING: The combination of losing your great-aunt and the impact of a yearlong quarantine has likely doubly impacted your brother’s health. This has been a tough year for many. It can be hard to notice the effect of this time on the human spirit and body. Your brother probably hasn’t even noticed how he has changed. Of course you want to tread lightly, but you also should take the risk of making him slightly uncomfortable in order to get him to wake up.

One thing you can do, if you have time, is invite your brother to do things with you that get him moving. Ask him to take a walk in the park. You could also coax him into participating in exercise challenges with you where you both commit to moving your bodies several days a week, even if you are not in the same place. Becoming his accountability partner can help him -- and you -- to become more fit as you are connected around a shared healthy living goal.

Talk to him directly about how he’s feeling, and point out your concerns. Tell him you do not mean to hurt his feelings or make him feel uncomfortable, but you have noticed that he seems depressed and has put on a lot of weight. Tell him you are concerned about him. Recommend that it could be good for him to see a counselor to process his thoughts and feelings. Recommend that he get a physical and possibly see a nutritionist, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The subdivision I live in has had two separate robberies this year. I've always been very anti-gun, but now I'm starting to think that a gun may be a viable option. I was raised anti-gun, so it’s just a morality thing, but I need to take the correct measures to protect myself. My home has a great security system, but I do live alone. How can I protect myself without abandoning my morals? -- Anti-Gun

DEAR ANTI-GUN: Having a gun will not likely protect you from a home invader because you are not trained in how to use it. Apart from your anti-gun sentiment, you need to be practical. I would upgrade your home security system and talk to the neighborhood association about hiring security guards or creating a neighborhood watch. You can hold on to your moral compass and work with your community to try to make your neighborhood safer.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)