DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 20-year-old college student, and my mom recently got engaged to her boyfriend of two years. She’s been a single mom for pretty much my entire life, and I'm nervous about her taking this next step. Her boyfriend seems cool, but I really don't know him all that well since they started dating while I was away at school. I want her to be happy; however, I'm also insecure about losing our closeness. My mom and I are best friends. It's been just the two of us for so long. How can I be more accepting of this change? -- Mom and Me

DEAR MOM AND ME: Your mother’s relationship is only one of two significant changes that you are facing right now, even if you don’t realize it. You are becoming an adult, and you need to step fully into that, which means that you need to be able to be independent of your mother, even as you stay close to her. Interestingly, the fact that she is soon to be married may be a good thing for both of you. Why? Because both of you need to discover how to be independent of each other. Chances are, your mother went through something like this when you went away to college. Becoming an empty nester can be devastating to some parents, especially when they are very close to their children.

Instead of worrying, make a decision to welcome this man into the family, to be happy for your mother and to remain close to her. Talk to your mother about your feelings. Perhaps she will share some of hers, as well. Yes, your relationship will change, but that was going to happen anyway. Welcome the changes, and choose to enjoy the journey.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a Black man living in Columbus, Ohio. My girlfriend -- who is white -- and I have been together for three years and are now discussing marriage, but my parents seem to feel uneasy about this. I asked my fiancee if her parents, being white, were comfortable with us being married. They said they were. But for some reason, my parents aren't quite comfortable with the idea. When I pressed them on it, they said that there’s no way a white woman would be able to fully understand me for who I am, especially in a post-Trump America. I disagree, but I don’t want there to be strife between our families. What do you think I should do? -- Family Feud

DEAR FAMILY FEUD: Sadly, we live in a country that is still plagued by racism. Even so, many mixed-race couples marry and build beautiful lives together. For conditions to be optimal, it would be great if your families got along with each other and with the two of you. Your parents can have their skepticism. Rather than arguing with them about their beliefs, focus on building your life with your fiancee. Talk through all of your issues and concerns. Be open about race, discrimination and social justice issues. Figure out where each of you stands on the hot topics of the day -- and where your values lie. You will have to stand up to plenty more people than your parents, so test it out to see how strong the two of you are in your beliefs and willingness to fight for your life together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend was housesitting for me while I went out of town for a few weeks to visit family. One of the most important tasks I gave her while watching my house was to take care of my houseplants. My plants are very large and require proper care and sunlight, or they will quickly start to wither and die.

When I got back, my plants were extremely wilted and looked as if they had not been watered at all. My tallest plant, which my great-aunt gave me before she passed away -- was pretty much dead. This plant was the most important thing to me because I promised my aunt that I would take care of it when she started to get sick.

I'm furious with my friend. She knows how much these plants meant to me, and I have no idea if she even tried to take care of them. I know it may seem like I'm overreacting, but I am very upset with her carelessness, and now I can't help but feel differently toward her. I know that this is not worth losing a friendship over. How do I address this with her? -- Plant Mom

DEAR PLANT MOM: Talk to your friend. Tell her how disappointed you are that her plants were not watered and are almost dead. Ask her what happened. Be specific. Ask her why she did not do the most important task that you gave her. While there is no legitimate excuse not to honor the agreement, listen to what she says.

You also need to look at yourself and your decisions. You asked this friend to housesit with the most pressing job being to water your plants. Did you have any indication that she has a green thumb or any consciousness about plants? Some people do not pay attention to plants. This may be hard for you to believe, but it’s true. It seems that you did not choose well when it came to having this task fulfilled. You are actually equally if not more to blame for this mishap because you asked the wrong person to do the job. You can forgive your friend -- and yourself -- for what happened. Next time, choose more wisely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in love with a man for the past 30 years -- from a distance. The timing was always wrong for us to be together, mainly because he is a bit of a player. I never totally waited for him. I got married and had a family, but he has stayed in my heart as “the one.” I know it’s horrible, but it’s true. Anyhow, recently he called us “spiritual husband and wife” and told me that he loves me more than any other woman in his life. What am I supposed to do with that? Saying these words doesn’t give us the kind of relationship that I have always wanted. It kind of makes me mad. He declares these things without accepting any responsibility or role in demonstrating this love. I don’t know what to do. I’m still married, though not particularly happily. But I don’t think this guy would be there for me like I need, even if I did leave. -- Not Enough

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: You need to let go of this man. Stop letting him pull your strings. It’s not fair for him to have your heart from a distance. Stop giving it to him. Focus on the life you have chosen. Right now, you are not being fair to your husband or yourself. It is not possible to find happiness in this way. Life is not a game, even if he seems to be playing one.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've known the man who I am currently “seeing” for three years. We’ve never been in a relationship before -- we’ve always just been long-distance friends. It is almost as if we are pen pals. We met through social media.

My friend has always lived in a different state, and it wasn't until the end of last year that we finally got to meet in person. It was so wonderful, but he told me that even though he loved and enjoyed our time together, he's been in a long-distance relationship before and it did not go well, so he doesn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship with me. Despite this, we speak much more frequently now and have basically continued on with a relationship without actually having the titles of boyfriend or girlfriend. I feel that I've made up my mind that this is who I want to be with, but he still has reservations about being with me. Do you think that I'm wasting my time? -- Long Distance

DEAR LONG DISTANCE: If you want this relationship to be different, you have to request it and be willing to walk away if you can’t have it. Tell this man that you want more than talking; you want him to be your partner. Talk about what that might look like. How often can you see each other? Would either of you ever consider moving to the other’s town? Find out what he wants and if you are part of that plan. If you are unwilling to keep doing what you are doing, you may have to stop talking to him for a while. Perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder, and he will come around to trying to figure out with you if you can be together. If not, let him go and create space for someone who wants to be more than a modern-day pen pal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I drink too much, I bite my nails. I honestly don’t think about it until the morning when I see that my hands are all jacked up. It happened again recently, and I realize that I must be drinking too much in general. I’m not really aware of it until I see my hands. I do have a lot of stress, but this is not good. How can I control myself? -- Drink Too Much

DEAR DRINK TOO MUCH: Thank your body for giving you a warning sign of your behavior. It’s amazing how the body works. Your nail biting is your indicator of when you are drinking too much. In the light of day, you have to make a decision. I recommend that you go online to Alcoholics Anonymous (aa.org) and sign up for a virtual meeting. One spot of good news during COVID-19 is that you don’t have to get out of your house to get support. Log on, find a meeting and go. You will hear people talk about their battles with drinking -- without judgment. You can listen and also talk about your life. This engagement may help you to examine your choices differently and drum up the courage to stop drinking. Give it a try.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)