DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m really afraid to get the COVID-19 vaccine. I was born in the late ‘60s, and I’ve witnessed firsthand how the medical community misdiagnoses, tricks and leads the Black community astray. I know that at some point I will need it -- and I don’t want to side with anti-vaxxers -- but I’m frightened. Do you think that I am justified in being afraid of getting the vaccine, or am I being irrational? I don’t believe statistics -- I know numbers can be fixed. -- On the Fence

DEAR ON THE FENCE: You are not alone in your skepticism about getting the COVID-19 vaccine -- particularly as a Black person. It is true that in the past, there have been many egregious acts by the medical community with regard to people of African descent, most notable among them being the Tuskegee Study, a 40-year study of African American males with untreated syphilis who were led to believe that they were being treated. For more on the history of how Blacks have been discriminated against regarding healthcare, read health.com/condition/infectious-diseases/coronavirus/covid-vaccine-black-distrust.

Based on all that I have read about the COVID-19 vaccines, this is a different story. Because of the advanced technology and capabilities in modern medicine, vaccinations have been developed in record time and are being administered to all races and ethnicities in the American population. To be fair, statistics show that Black and brown neighborhoods are getting access to vaccinations more slowly than predominantly white communities, but they are getting them. And the staggering death rate is diminishing.

Given that Black people have contracted COVID-19 at higher rates than whites throughout much of the United States, it is important to get protection against this deadly disease. That’s my opinion after extensive reading. To learn more about the vaccination for older African Americans and people of color, read AARP CEO Joann Jenkins’ thoughts at bit.ly/38TuZIe. General information about the vaccines can be found here: bit.ly/3lusiC3.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel that I’m losing control of my schedule because of my best friend. She understands how busy I am with my new job, yet she insists that I dedicate all of my free time to her. I honestly don’t think she realizes that she does this because it is just part of her personality. She naturally infringes on other people's time and helps herself to whatever she wants in all circumstances. For example, on my birthday she assumed that she and I would have the entire day to hang out, when in actuality I had other plans. If she had bothered to ask if I had other plans in the first place, she would’ve known that. How do I deal with this? -- Bossy Best Friend

DEAR BOSSY BEST FRIEND: In order for you to take control of your world, you have to speak up for yourself. That includes anticipating your best friend’s expectations. You probably knew that your best friend would want to spend your birthday together. You could have told her in advance that you had planned a full day, and she would be able to participate in part of it. Or perhaps you could have invited her to celebrate with you on another day. You have to control your life. You do so by managing your relationships.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently become good friends with a girl whose boyfriend and I used to date. We all went to the same college, so it isn’t a strange coincidence that we know each other, but the thing is, I have a feeling that it still makes her uncomfortable. Sometimes we’ll be chatting, and she’ll ask me random questions about my past relationship with her boyfriend. She’ll ask me about the things we used to argue about or if he was ever unfaithful to me. I have completely moved on from that relationship, and now I’m very happy with someone else, but I just wonder if she has some type of hidden agenda with me. I really like her, and I don’t want to make things weird. My other friends think it’s strange that she would even want to know the details of my short-lived relationship with her long-term boyfriend. What do you think? -- Friends or Foes

DEAR FRIENDS OR FOES: You have to establish boundaries with this new friend. Tell her you can understand that she would be curious about the relationship you had with her current boyfriend, but there is nothing to tell. You dated briefly a long time ago, and you haven’t looked back since. You do not want to talk about your past relationship because there’s really nothing to talk about. Don’t answer if she asks again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t enjoy spending time with my boyfriend’s friends. My boyfriend is much older than me, and while I love him dearly, I knew immediately when we began dating that we had nothing in common. He grew up being fed from a silver spoon; he’s a trust fund baby who wanted for nothing. I grew up with nothing. I love the fact that we come from completely different backgrounds and have been able to show each other so much.

My boyfriend is so humble and kind that you would never guess he was raised as a spoiled rich kid, but his friends embody everything that I’ve always resented about the rich. They have no respect for the working class. They have nothing better to discuss than the newest sports cars and real estate. He spends so much time with them that if I were never around them, I would probably rarely see my own boyfriend. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend that I don’t like his friends because I fear that would be the beginning of the end. What should I do? -- Rich Friends

DEAR RICH FRIENDS: Relationships are rarely just between two people. Normally they include others -- especially friends and family. The fact that your boyfriend loves spending time with people you can’t stand means something. Can you live with it? You have to think about that. Over time, many couples reconfigure their friend groups. Is that something you two might do? You won’t find out if you don’t talk to him about your feelings and concerns. Don’t judge his friends. Just share your discomfort and let him know that you want to figure out a way for both of you to have your friends, create new friends and build a life together that includes people who respect you both. This is something that you will figure out over time -- if you can bridge the divide of age and class. Honestly, this is one of the toughest challenges in a relationship. You must talk it through and figure out what values you share and how you two decide to go forward. Otherwise, it will be one-sided and unsatisfying.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a recent college graduate. I was one of the few who were lucky enough to find work immediately after college -- and in the middle of the pandemic. I moved back in with my mother after graduating, and because I made a good amount of money, I started to help her with the bills. I pay half of the rent and half of the utilities. I appreciate my mother letting me live here, but I really want to save up so I can live on my own. I don’t want her struggling to pay rent in my absence, but I would be so much happier just living with a roommate for possibly a lot cheaper. How can I start a life of my own without leaving my mother with too much rent? -- Mom as Roommate

DEAR MOM AS ROOMMATE: As you are building your life, you have to manage all of your affairs. Naturally, you would never want to leave your mother in the lurch. Instead, talk to her about a plan. Let her know that you will be moving in a particular amount of time. Suggest that she scale back and move herself to a more affordable home or get another roommate. Your mother managed when you were not paying part of the rent. She can likely figure it out again, even if it requires downsizing. Help your mother construct her own plan of action. Keep her informed of your schedule. Do your best to eliminate surprises around your move. This will help with the transition.

If you can give her any money to lessen her load after you move, do so. Your mother sacrificed a lot for you to get where you are today. Don’t forget her as you blossom.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend repeatedly chooses his friends over me. He is good friends with my friend’s husband, “Alex,” but Alex isn’t a very good person. He mistreats my friend, “Sarah,” constantly, and they are in the middle of a pretty confusing divorce. I will at times vent to my boyfriend about how poorly Alex treats Sarah.

Yesterday, Sarah was furious with me because of information that got back to Alex by way of my boyfriend, who doesn’t seem to understand why he cannot run back to his friends about things I’ve told him in confidence. I don’t want to feel like I can’t vent about my life to someone I’m in a relationship with. What should I do? How can I make him understand? -- Him or Me

DEAR HIM OR ME: You are being naive to think that you can vent to your boyfriend about his good friend’s behavior. It is too much to ask that he keep this information secret. You have to draw the line as to what you share with him. Talking about your friend’s divorce has to be off-limits. Apologize to your friend for crossing the line. Promise that you won’t do that again.

Regarding your boyfriend, let him know how uncomfortable you are with his lack of prioritizing your relationship. Tell him what you want, and ask him to show up in ways that will be supportive of your bond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)