DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently become good friends with a girl whose boyfriend and I used to date. We all went to the same college, so it isn’t a strange coincidence that we know each other, but the thing is, I have a feeling that it still makes her uncomfortable. Sometimes we’ll be chatting, and she’ll ask me random questions about my past relationship with her boyfriend. She’ll ask me about the things we used to argue about or if he was ever unfaithful to me. I have completely moved on from that relationship, and now I’m very happy with someone else, but I just wonder if she has some type of hidden agenda with me. I really like her, and I don’t want to make things weird. My other friends think it’s strange that she would even want to know the details of my short-lived relationship with her long-term boyfriend. What do you think? -- Friends or Foes

DEAR FRIENDS OR FOES: You have to establish boundaries with this new friend. Tell her you can understand that she would be curious about the relationship you had with her current boyfriend, but there is nothing to tell. You dated briefly a long time ago, and you haven’t looked back since. You do not want to talk about your past relationship because there’s really nothing to talk about. Don’t answer if she asks again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t enjoy spending time with my boyfriend’s friends. My boyfriend is much older than me, and while I love him dearly, I knew immediately when we began dating that we had nothing in common. He grew up being fed from a silver spoon; he’s a trust fund baby who wanted for nothing. I grew up with nothing. I love the fact that we come from completely different backgrounds and have been able to show each other so much.

My boyfriend is so humble and kind that you would never guess he was raised as a spoiled rich kid, but his friends embody everything that I’ve always resented about the rich. They have no respect for the working class. They have nothing better to discuss than the newest sports cars and real estate. He spends so much time with them that if I were never around them, I would probably rarely see my own boyfriend. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend that I don’t like his friends because I fear that would be the beginning of the end. What should I do? -- Rich Friends

DEAR RICH FRIENDS: Relationships are rarely just between two people. Normally they include others -- especially friends and family. The fact that your boyfriend loves spending time with people you can’t stand means something. Can you live with it? You have to think about that. Over time, many couples reconfigure their friend groups. Is that something you two might do? You won’t find out if you don’t talk to him about your feelings and concerns. Don’t judge his friends. Just share your discomfort and let him know that you want to figure out a way for both of you to have your friends, create new friends and build a life together that includes people who respect you both. This is something that you will figure out over time -- if you can bridge the divide of age and class. Honestly, this is one of the toughest challenges in a relationship. You must talk it through and figure out what values you share and how you two decide to go forward. Otherwise, it will be one-sided and unsatisfying.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a recent college graduate. I was one of the few who were lucky enough to find work immediately after college -- and in the middle of the pandemic. I moved back in with my mother after graduating, and because I made a good amount of money, I started to help her with the bills. I pay half of the rent and half of the utilities. I appreciate my mother letting me live here, but I really want to save up so I can live on my own. I don’t want her struggling to pay rent in my absence, but I would be so much happier just living with a roommate for possibly a lot cheaper. How can I start a life of my own without leaving my mother with too much rent? -- Mom as Roommate

DEAR MOM AS ROOMMATE: As you are building your life, you have to manage all of your affairs. Naturally, you would never want to leave your mother in the lurch. Instead, talk to her about a plan. Let her know that you will be moving in a particular amount of time. Suggest that she scale back and move herself to a more affordable home or get another roommate. Your mother managed when you were not paying part of the rent. She can likely figure it out again, even if it requires downsizing. Help your mother construct her own plan of action. Keep her informed of your schedule. Do your best to eliminate surprises around your move. This will help with the transition.

If you can give her any money to lessen her load after you move, do so. Your mother sacrificed a lot for you to get where you are today. Don’t forget her as you blossom.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend repeatedly chooses his friends over me. He is good friends with my friend’s husband, “Alex,” but Alex isn’t a very good person. He mistreats my friend, “Sarah,” constantly, and they are in the middle of a pretty confusing divorce. I will at times vent to my boyfriend about how poorly Alex treats Sarah.

Yesterday, Sarah was furious with me because of information that got back to Alex by way of my boyfriend, who doesn’t seem to understand why he cannot run back to his friends about things I’ve told him in confidence. I don’t want to feel like I can’t vent about my life to someone I’m in a relationship with. What should I do? How can I make him understand? -- Him or Me

DEAR HIM OR ME: You are being naive to think that you can vent to your boyfriend about his good friend’s behavior. It is too much to ask that he keep this information secret. You have to draw the line as to what you share with him. Talking about your friend’s divorce has to be off-limits. Apologize to your friend for crossing the line. Promise that you won’t do that again.

Regarding your boyfriend, let him know how uncomfortable you are with his lack of prioritizing your relationship. Tell him what you want, and ask him to show up in ways that will be supportive of your bond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have been inseparable for the past 10 years. We’ve seen each other through relationships, breakups and many ups and downs. I’m currently single, but my best friend has been dating a guy for a few months, and she’s already head over heels in love with him. Whenever he’s around me, he becomes incredibly chivalrous and borderline flirty with me. My friend doesn’t pay it any mind and thinks of it as him just being charming, but I think he’s beginning to cross the line. I’ve even gone so far as to tell my best friend that I find him a little icky, but she got quite defensive. I think she’s blinded right now, but I don’t want her to get played; if this is how he acts in front of her, I can only imagine what he does behind her back. What should I say to her? Should I say anything at all? -- Not Charmed

DEAR NOT CHARMED: When people are swooning for each other, they often cannot see what’s in front of them. Stop trying to warn your friend about this man. Just pay attention. Whenever he does or says something to you that you find inappropriate, call him on it. Tell him you don’t think it’s funny or cute when he flirts with you. Tell him to stop when he seems to be going overboard. Make your points in front of your girlfriend so she can see and hear you when you reprimand him.

If the day comes when he does hurt your friend’s feelings, don’t rub her nose in it. “I told you so” should not be part of the conversation. As a friend, you can help her go through it. You can point out behavior that you consider to be suspicious. Suggest that she watch out for that in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 34-year-old mother of two. In January, I started the “Dry January” challenge (30days of no alcohol). I am now going into my third month of being alcohol-free, and I’m loving the results! My skin looks better, I’m hangover-free and I’ve saved quite a bit of money. My fear is that when the city opens up again, I will be able to hang out with friends, go to happy hour and ultimately go back to being a social drinker. How can I maintain sobriety yet still hang out with my friends and be the life of the party? My friends love to drink, and many of our social gatherings are centered around alcohol. -- Sober Friend

DEAR SOBER FRIEND: Congratulations on nearing 90 days of sobriety. That is a huge accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself. You have to decide what you want. If your sobriety is at the top of the list, then you need to evaluate how you intend to proceed moving forward. “People, places and things” are what you need to watch out for as you build upon your sobriety. Putting yourself in the company of a group of people you used to drink with at a drinking establishment is setting yourself up for failure, especially in the early days of your sobriety.

You may want to think of other activities you can do with your friends that do not involve drinking. Also, tell them about your sobriety and ask for their support. What some people in your position do is order nonalcoholic beverages when they are hanging out with drinkers. That can be risky, though.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)