life

Freelancer Wants To Fit in With Company Culture

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 18th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have spent most of my working life doing freelance projects with small businesses. Recently, I have been working with a big corporation, and I have been having difficulties. On one hand, they like my creative ideas and vision a lot. But I haven’t figured out their processes yet, and I always seem to be late. I’m noticing that they are getting frustrated with the way that I work. This is tough because I have been able to help them break through on some strategy work that has been extremely helpful to them. Yet I sense that they are tired of needing to consider my approach. How can I fall in line with their ways and remain a fresh and vital member of the team? -- Teamwork

DEAR TEAMWORK: Talk to your supervisor and express your concerns. Ask for advice on how to best meld with their systems while keeping your edge. Be upfront about how much you enjoy working with them and how you believe that your unique approach has been helpful to them, but you also recognize that your way may be wearing some people down. Ask for feedback and input.

Also, play closer attention to their deadline schedule. To the best of your ability, present your ideas within their timeframe so that there is no reason for compromise on either side.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 18, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 18th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two teenagers and a husband, and often I feel like I’m the only one contributing to the upkeep of our household. My kids work hard at their studies, but when they aren’t doing schoolwork, they are playing video games or sleeping. My husband is working only part-time now due to COVID-19, so he has a lot of time on his hands that he mostly uses for watching TV or sleeping. My job has ramped up, and I’m usually on Zoom calls until 7 or 8 p.m. I don’t think it’s fair for me to have to cook dinner after I end my calls if they have been chilling for hours. Same goes for cleaning up, doing laundry, etc. Sometimes I get so mad because I need a break, too. I know that the lion’s share of work in a household often falls on the mom, but it’s not fair. And right now, it’s overwhelming. I need a break. How can I get my family to step up? -- Help Me

DEAR HELP ME: Call a family meeting, and point out your frustration and your need for everyone to participate in the work of the home. Take them through what happened in the previous week, each day. Point out what each family member did or didn’t do all day. Note how you were left caring for everyone’s needs while they did not pitch in.

Create a schedule for the family, and post it on your refrigerator. Put initials beside each duty, and invite everyone to help. If they don’t, stop doing everything for them. See how they react when there is no meal, no clean clothes, no maintenance.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Wonders How To Support Grieving Parent

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 17th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine just lost her son on Valentine’s Day to a random, senseless act of violence. I am completely devastated for her, and I can’t even begin to imagine how she’s feeling. I’ve watched her son grow up; he was kind of like a nephew to me.

I know that nothing I can say can heal or soothe her pain, but I need a bit of guidance. She’s understandably quieter than usual, so I cannot necessarily tell what she needs from me. Sometimes I don’t know if she wants distance or wants me to stay around and be there for her. My instinct is to stay close and never leave her completely alone. Do you know the best way to deal with someone who is experiencing this type of grief? Distance or close proximity? -- Helpless Friend

DEAR HELPLESS FRIEND: I’m so sorry to learn of your friend’s loss. What she is going through is incredibly difficult, and there is no prescription for how she should handle her grief -- nor how you can support her. Your question is a great one because chances are, there are times when your friend needs distance and other times when she needs loved ones close by. Since you are not psychic, you cannot know for sure which moment you are in. Naturally, this is a difficult time for you, too.

I recommend that you stay close -- but from a distance. Text her regularly, but don’t always ask how she’s doing. Send her thoughtful things, like uplifting quotes, funny memes, links to programs you think she might enjoy, an audiobook that seems like it would make her smile, photos of the two of you enjoying yourselves together, etc. Keep in touch. Call her occasionally. Invite her to go with you for a walk or a drive. Ask her if she needs anything. She may say little, but I’m sure she will appreciate your attentiveness.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 17, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 17th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a strong suspicion that my co-worker stole money from me. I’m a waitress, and I left money in my apron one day when I took it off in the bathroom and left it in the stall. When I remembered, I rushed back to the bathroom, but of course it was too late. My apron was there, but the money was gone. There were only three of us working, and I saw the co-worker I suspect enter the bathroom at around the same time that I was exiting. It is possible that it wasn’t her, but there’s an even stronger possibility that it was her. I don’t want to accuse her of something she didn’t do, but I need to know. I have a growing animosity toward her because I suspect that she stole from me. What should I do? -- Missing Cash

DEAR MISSING CASH: I wish you had asked immediately if anyone had noticed cash in the bathroom. You could have said that you left your apron in there, and when you returned to get it, your tips were missing. You even could have asked this person directly if she took your money. Since time has passed, you are less likely to have anyone admit to the theft.

You have to let it go. You cannot prove who took your money. Harboring anger toward this woman is eating at you. That sentiment will not help you or your opinion about work. In the future, keep your money on your person at all times.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

New Boyfriend and Ex Have Same Name

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 16th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a really nice guy a few weeks ago, and we’ve been getting along really well. We’ve been on a couple of dates, we text all the time and I’m starting to really like him. There’s just one problem that I really cannot seem to get past: He has the same first name as my ex-boyfriend. Their name is kind of on the uncommon side, so this is a strange coincidence. I don’t know how far things can really go with someone who inadvertently makes me think of my ex-boyfriend whenever I talk to him. I want to tell him what my issue is, but I don’t know what to say or what he would even be able to do about it. How can I fix this problem? Am I overreacting? -- Same Names

DEAR SAME NAMES: If you truly like this new guy, tell him the truth. A lot of couples call each other by other names. Tell him you want to call him something different so that when you talk to him, it is he alone who comes to mind. If he has a nickname from his family, consider that. Or come up with a nickname together that you can call him. In time, the name thing may not matter, but in these early days, it may help to create a bridge to him and away from your ex.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 16, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 16th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My oldest son landed a great job in the same city that my parents, who are in their 70s, live in. They’ve been gracious enough to let him move in with them until he finds a place of his own. My concern is that my son is not being very cautious about their health. My parents are in the high-risk group for COVID and have not yet received the vaccine. My son is in his mid-20s, so I’m sure that he wants nothing more than to go out, have fun and meet new people, but I need him to take others into consideration as well. I’m scared my parents will be exposed or infected with the virus, and it will be my son’s fault. I have no way to regulate what he does and where he goes. What should I do? -- High-Risk

DEAR HIGH-RISK: Talk to your son about his habits and comings and goings. Ask him directly about how often he socializes, if and when he wears a mask, and how cautious he is being around his grandparents. If your son is unwilling to delay his fun for the sake of his grandparents’ health, you have a problem.

Speak to your parents. Find out from them how they feel about your son’s behavior. Ask specific questions about what they are observing. Evaluate what they have said, and help them to make a decision. They may need to ask your son to leave if he is not being safe enough. If they cannot do it, step in yourself and let your son know that he has to move out immediately.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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