DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine just lost her son on Valentine’s Day to a random, senseless act of violence. I am completely devastated for her, and I can’t even begin to imagine how she’s feeling. I’ve watched her son grow up; he was kind of like a nephew to me.

I know that nothing I can say can heal or soothe her pain, but I need a bit of guidance. She’s understandably quieter than usual, so I cannot necessarily tell what she needs from me. Sometimes I don’t know if she wants distance or wants me to stay around and be there for her. My instinct is to stay close and never leave her completely alone. Do you know the best way to deal with someone who is experiencing this type of grief? Distance or close proximity? -- Helpless Friend

DEAR HELPLESS FRIEND: I’m so sorry to learn of your friend’s loss. What she is going through is incredibly difficult, and there is no prescription for how she should handle her grief -- nor how you can support her. Your question is a great one because chances are, there are times when your friend needs distance and other times when she needs loved ones close by. Since you are not psychic, you cannot know for sure which moment you are in. Naturally, this is a difficult time for you, too.

I recommend that you stay close -- but from a distance. Text her regularly, but don’t always ask how she’s doing. Send her thoughtful things, like uplifting quotes, funny memes, links to programs you think she might enjoy, an audiobook that seems like it would make her smile, photos of the two of you enjoying yourselves together, etc. Keep in touch. Call her occasionally. Invite her to go with you for a walk or a drive. Ask her if she needs anything. She may say little, but I’m sure she will appreciate your attentiveness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a strong suspicion that my co-worker stole money from me. I’m a waitress, and I left money in my apron one day when I took it off in the bathroom and left it in the stall. When I remembered, I rushed back to the bathroom, but of course it was too late. My apron was there, but the money was gone. There were only three of us working, and I saw the co-worker I suspect enter the bathroom at around the same time that I was exiting. It is possible that it wasn’t her, but there’s an even stronger possibility that it was her. I don’t want to accuse her of something she didn’t do, but I need to know. I have a growing animosity toward her because I suspect that she stole from me. What should I do? -- Missing Cash

DEAR MISSING CASH: I wish you had asked immediately if anyone had noticed cash in the bathroom. You could have said that you left your apron in there, and when you returned to get it, your tips were missing. You even could have asked this person directly if she took your money. Since time has passed, you are less likely to have anyone admit to the theft.

You have to let it go. You cannot prove who took your money. Harboring anger toward this woman is eating at you. That sentiment will not help you or your opinion about work. In the future, keep your money on your person at all times.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a really nice guy a few weeks ago, and we’ve been getting along really well. We’ve been on a couple of dates, we text all the time and I’m starting to really like him. There’s just one problem that I really cannot seem to get past: He has the same first name as my ex-boyfriend. Their name is kind of on the uncommon side, so this is a strange coincidence. I don’t know how far things can really go with someone who inadvertently makes me think of my ex-boyfriend whenever I talk to him. I want to tell him what my issue is, but I don’t know what to say or what he would even be able to do about it. How can I fix this problem? Am I overreacting? -- Same Names

DEAR SAME NAMES: If you truly like this new guy, tell him the truth. A lot of couples call each other by other names. Tell him you want to call him something different so that when you talk to him, it is he alone who comes to mind. If he has a nickname from his family, consider that. Or come up with a nickname together that you can call him. In time, the name thing may not matter, but in these early days, it may help to create a bridge to him and away from your ex.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My oldest son landed a great job in the same city that my parents, who are in their 70s, live in. They’ve been gracious enough to let him move in with them until he finds a place of his own. My concern is that my son is not being very cautious about their health. My parents are in the high-risk group for COVID and have not yet received the vaccine. My son is in his mid-20s, so I’m sure that he wants nothing more than to go out, have fun and meet new people, but I need him to take others into consideration as well. I’m scared my parents will be exposed or infected with the virus, and it will be my son’s fault. I have no way to regulate what he does and where he goes. What should I do? -- High-Risk

DEAR HIGH-RISK: Talk to your son about his habits and comings and goings. Ask him directly about how often he socializes, if and when he wears a mask, and how cautious he is being around his grandparents. If your son is unwilling to delay his fun for the sake of his grandparents’ health, you have a problem.

Speak to your parents. Find out from them how they feel about your son’s behavior. Ask specific questions about what they are observing. Evaluate what they have said, and help them to make a decision. They may need to ask your son to leave if he is not being safe enough. If they cannot do it, step in yourself and let your son know that he has to move out immediately.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s mother has been nice enough to let me rent out a room in her home. I’ve been staying with them for a few months now, and I pay only a few hundred dollars each month for rent -- a great deal considering I live in Los Angeles.

The only issue is my friend’s older brother does not clean up after himself at all. We have to share a bathroom, and he leaves it a complete mess every time he uses it. I’ve cleaned the bathroom by myself way too many times. I’ve asked him if he could at least keep the countertop clean; he promises that he will, but he never does. I can’t continue to live in filth. What should I do? -- Clean It Up

DEAR CLEAN IT UP: This may be a grin-and-bear-it experience. Clearly, your roommate’s mother has not required that he keep the bathroom clean. Otherwise, it would be. You can continue to ask him to do his part, but he has already demonstrated what his inclination is.

What you may consider doing is collecting his belongings and putting them in his room, including the toiletries that get strewn on the counter. But basic cleanliness may not be part of his routine, and you may not be able to get him to step up his hygienic practices. Bottom line: For the discounted rent, you may have to live with this inconvenience. Save your money so that you can move as soon as you are able.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been considering getting grief counseling to help me cope with the recent loss of my dog. I’ve had my dog since I was about 13 (I’m now 28), so this loss is hitting me hard. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend or a family member. I’m a little worried that it may seem a bit extreme to some people, but I know it could be helpful to me and my current mental state. I’ve had no experience with therapy or any type of counseling in the past, so I’m not sure what to expect or how to go about this. Do you think that grief counseling is a good idea for someone in my situation? Should I just wait it out? I’ve never experienced a loss quite like this before. -- Grieving

DEAR GRIEVING: Your grief is real. Treat it as such.

Start by researching a professional grief counselor who can help you through your feelings of loss. Avoid talking about your grief with friends or family members who are not compassionate. Not everyone can be there for you during this tender time. Don’t make the mistake of attempting to turn an unwilling loved one into a thoughtful listener. Be intentional about how you handle your grief.

Most important is for you to allow yourself to experience whatever you are feeling. I know friends who have held funerals for their pets, and select friends attended. Others have immediately gotten another pet to help reduce the pain of loss. Still others have suffered in silence. Choose the way forward that brings you the most comfort. Grief counseling could be your perfect solution.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)