life

Reader Doesn’t Like Best Friend’s Music

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 13th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I truly don’t like my best friend’s music. I’m a very honest person. Every time he asks me for feedback on a new song he’s dropping, I give it to him and I tell the truth; usually, I don’t like it. He thinks that I'm “hating” or being negative on purpose, but the truth is that I just don’t care for his music. I think he can do a lot better, and the music he comes out with is annoying and mediocre. Everyone else around him says that his music is great, but I think they’re just not keeping it real with him. I am scared that he can’t handle my blatant honesty and he’s going to write me off as a hater. What should I do? -- Music Critic

DEAR MUSIC CRITIC: You have stated your case to your friend. Stop repeating yourself. If he asks you again for your opinion on his music, resist bad-mouthing it. Instead, give him credit for sticking with it and following his dream.

For the sake of your friendship, the next time he asks for your opinion, you might want to refuse.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 13, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 13th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Nowadays, when I chat with my friends and family, I can’t help but talk about my job all the time. I can feel people around me getting annoyed, but I can’t help it. It’s the most interesting part of my life and pretty much the only thing that I do with my time. My question is, what else would I even talk about? I don’t date anymore, and since COVID-19 hit, I stopped going anywhere or doing anything besides work -- so what should I do? I don’t want to become the boring, work-obsessed friend, but I literally have nothing else going for myself. I have tried asking about my friends and their jobs when we chat, but the question always comes back to me. What should I do? -- Work-Obsessed

DEAR WORK-OBSESSED: You are the doing best you can. Give yourself a break. You can attempt to listen more, as you say you are doing. Continue to ask people about their lives and experiences. Generally, people do like to talk about themselves.

When it comes to your turn to talk, talk about what you care about. If that’s your work, so be it. If you choose, you can admit that right now, work is all you have. You pray that when things open up and you are able to be back out in the world, you can find a partner or cultivate new friendships. It’s OK for you to be yourself and talk about your life as it is. Just make sure you do not monopolize the conversation. No matter what the topic, you don’t want to take up too much oxygen. Pay attention to the flow of communication. Ask a question when it seems like it’s time for the conversation to change.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Neighbors Leave Stinky Trash in Common Area

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 12th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a townhome between two other townhomes. I have the kindest and most mild-mannered neighbors ever. They aren’t loud or rude, and they always say hello -- sometimes they will even stop by with gifts!

The only problem with my neighbors is that they consistently leave their trash on their front porch, and the smell is awful. The way that our homes are set up, their porch is pretty much my porch. The only thing that separates our front yards is a flimsy gate. When they leave their trash on the porch, I can see and smell it. It’s gotten to the point where I can smell it from inside my home! I don’t want to keep having to ask them to remove it; I’ve left them a few notes before and that has changed nothing. I am not the only neighbor to complain about this. Is getting our landlord involved too harsh? -- Throw It Out

DEAR THROW IT OUT: Contact the landlord immediately. Just because you like your neighbors doesn’t mean you have to put up with this unhygienic practice. Speak to the landlord about the situation. Make it clear that the stench is wafting into your home, and it needs to be addressed right away. Stay on top of the landlord to ensure that it is handled.

If your neighbors get mad at you, remind them that you asked them many times to handle it. You like them, but not their trash.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 12, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 12th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband got my kids a dog without asking me first. While I am angry for a number of reasons, the main reason is that my kids are not responsible enough to care for an animal. It’s been two weeks, and I’ve already had to feed the dog myself because the kids and my husband forget. My options here are to give away the dog or care for it all by myself, and since I’m a working mom with two kids and a husband, I have decided on the former. I think my best option would be to do it while the kids are at school. I warned them that if they can’t care for the dog, I’ll have no option but to get rid of it. They have not been consistent about walking, feeding or cleaning up after the dog since I told them that. Am I making the right choice by giving away the dog while they are at school? What else could I do? -- Out of Options

DEAR OUT OF OPTIONS: Your frustration is understandable. You should speak to your husband one more time about the dog and make it clear to him that the dog is his responsibility. If he refuses to take over the care of the dog, it does make sense to find a home where the dog can be properly cared for.

People consider their dogs family. You want to treat all family members with respect and proper attention. If your family cannot do that and you do not have the capacity to make it happen by yourself, do the research and find a home that can love this dog.

Most towns have animal shelters. You can also contact the ASPCA, a well-respected organization that rehomes animals every day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Brother and Friend Fight About Job Performance

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 11th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine hired my older brother as security for an event she was hosting, and apparently he did a horrible job. According to her, he was drinking on the job, wasn’t paying close attention to the guest list and let people into the event who were not supposed to be there. She called me and told me that she thinks it’s necessary to dock his pay. While I don’t necessarily think it’s right to pay him less than the agreed-upon amount, I support her decision because he should’ve done a better job. There is now tension between the two of them because he sincerely believes that he didn’t do anything wrong. He says he worked longer than he initially agreed to work and didn’t drink anything with alcohol in it. I don't know who to believe or how to make them resolve this issue. How do I help them resolve this, and how do I avoid taking sides? -- Caught in the Middle

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: You need to stay out of this entirely. Even supporting her decision to dock his pay is more than you should have done because you were not there, you were not involved and they need to handle this themselves.

Speak to each of them. Express your disappointment that things didn’t go smoothly. Let them know that you do not want to be in the middle. Tell them that they need to resolve this matter independent of you.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for March 11, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 11th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agreed to let my friend run the social media aspect of my company. I was very specific when explaining to her what her duties would be. I created content templates for her, gave her a posting schedule and gave her every possible resource she could need, but she is still falling short.

Running my website isn’t something she volunteered to do out of the kindness of her heart; she needed a paying job, and I was ready to hire her. I had many other applicants to choose from when hiring her, and she promised me that she was the best person for the job. Some days her posts will be way behind schedule, and some days she simply won’t post anything at all. I think at this point my only option is to find someone else. Do you think that this will ruin our friendship? -- Hired My Friend

DEAR HIRED MY FRIEND: You have experienced something that is all too common. Hiring friends to work for you can easily backfire. I have learned that when hiring people, you must follow the same rules and guidelines with friends as with people you don’t know. People need to prove that they are the best; they cannot just say it and expect you believe it.

Now your friend works for you. Talk to her about what is working and what is not. Be clear about what you need in order for her to continue to do this job. Outline the requirements and deadlines clearly so that she understands what she must do. Explain that if she is unable to fulfill those duties, you will need to replace her.

You can let her know that you care about her as your friend and hope that your friendship will remain intact, but you cannot keep her if she cannot do the job efficiently. Be kind and clear. That’s the best way of preserving your relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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