DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad and I haven’t always had the best relationship, but now that I am older, I am starting to realize the importance of having a father figure in my life. We’ve been reconnecting lately and starting to mend our relationship, but we’ve been doing it privately because I am afraid that our reconnecting would hurt my mother. She was never able to forgive him for a lot of things he did in the past -- including being an absentee father. I’ve forgiven him, and I think she should, too. What should I do? -- Dad Issues

DEAR DAD ISSUES: Your budding relationship with your father is wonderful. And you should definitely continue to nurture that bond and get to know him. You should also be able to do so publicly if you like. He is your father, after all. But what you cannot do is put a burden on your mother by trying to get her to have a relationship with him. What happened between the two of them is very different from what happened between you and him. Marriages can be complicated and messy. Whatever occurred that hurt your mother so deeply is up to her to face.

What you can do is let her know how grateful you are that you are able to develop a new bond with your father. You can let her know that you do not want this to hurt her feelings. You should also be thoughtful about it. While you may see your father publicly, do not create scenarios where the two of them have to be in the same space unless and until your mother is comfortable with that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends don’t seem to be happy for me about my engagement. I can’t imagine why. My fiance is a really great guy. He’s nice to my friends and shows them nothing but love whenever they’re around. We got engaged on Valentine’s Day, and the proposal was a total surprise. When I told them about it, their reactions weren’t at all what I expected. They immediately had questions and concerns and started asking why they weren’t invited to the surprise proposal. It was just the two of us! No one was invited. What do you think could be making them act this way? -- Surprise Engagement

DEAR SURPRISE ENGAGEMENT: Sometimes friends feel threatened when one member of the group gets serious about a relationship, because the friend dynamics often change. You probably will have less time to spend with them, because very naturally you are devoting more time to your fiance. You cannot promise that this won’t happen, by the way, because it probably will. What you can do is assure them that you love them and express that it is important to you that they get to know him. Don’t dwell on their comments about not being invited to the engagement.

Sit down with your friends. Remind them of how close you have been for so long. Tell them that while your life is changing, your love for them is not. Ask them why they seem to be so upset. Listen to see if they have any legitimate concerns. Then invite them to be happy for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband’s new wife completely crossed the line with me the other day. She took my daughter to get her hair “trimmed” and brought her back with about 4 inches of her real, natural hair cut off. My daughter insists that she wanted her hair short, but as you can imagine, I was completely blindsided. I’ve had no issues with my ex-husband’s wife up until this point. My daughter likes her, and she seems to be a nice woman. However, now I am completely furious that she thought she had the right to make such a bold decision on my daughter’s behalf. My daughter is 6 years old and isn’t allowed to make decisions like that without asking me. My ex-husband knows this. What should I do? -- Haircut

DEAR HAIRCUT: Go directly to your husband’s new wife. Ask to speak to her, and express your concerns. Do your best to stay calm and clear. You want to maintain your power in this situation, and emotion will drain you of that.

Tell her how disappointed and upset you are that she had your daughter’s hair cut without your permission. Point out that a haircut is a big deal in your eyes, and your ex knows that and knows that you would not appreciate this violation of your jurisdiction. Acknowledge that for the most part, you two have a positive rapport, and you know that your daughter and she get along. You would like for that to continue. For that to happen, she must honor your authority and check in with you before even mentioning major changes to your child.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece posts the most inappropriate pictures on social media. She is only 17 and posts revealing pictures of herself on Instagram, Twitter, etc. It attracts the WRONG type of attention. The main problem is that her own parents don’t see an issue with it! I’ve asked her dad (my brother) several times if he’s privy to the things she posts, and he said he doesn’t think it’s his business. I can respect giving her the right to make her own decisions, but this is dangerous. She could attract pedophiles. Her mother and I do not have the type of relationship where I would feel comfortable mentioning it to her, but I feel that something must be done. I want the best for my niece, and I fear she doesn’t have anyone to tell her right from wrong. Should I just back off? Or should I say something to her myself and take matters into my own hands? -- Aunty Problems

DEAR AUNTY PROBLEMS: Your niece is at a vulnerable age that has only been exacerbated by the confines of COVID-19. Social media has become even more important as an outlet for teens. And teenagers at her age are often pushing the envelope in terms of exploring their identity and flirting with the unknown.

You are right to be concerned. The best thing you can do is to develop a closer relationship with your niece so that she trusts you and will listen -- at least sometimes. Do not chastise her. That will get you blocked from her social media accounts. Instead, talk to her about her life, her choices and how she spends her time. If you see something egregious, you might ask her about it -- but without judgment. Get her to talk about her posts and how people have responded. Then you can let her know that you are worried that she may be putting herself in a vulnerable position -- something she should think about.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in the heart of Atlanta (close to the airport) in a small apartment. When my friends fly into the city for the weekend, they will usually ask to stay at my home, even though my space is small and it will inconvenience me. I am seriously considering charging them to stay at my place as often as they do; for obvious reasons, I am hesitant to ask. My friends live in D.C., LA and Florida, so their flights will often connect in Atlanta. I understand that it’s convenient for them, but I would feel more comfortable if they paid to use my space and amenities. Do you think this is too extreme? What would you suggest I do? -- Hartsfield Hotel

DEAR HARTSFIELD HOTEL: Rather than requiring that your friends pay you for the privilege of staying at your home, which could ring wrong, just tell them no. “No” is a complete sentence. You do not have to agree to serve as a hotel for your friends. Instead, you can welcome them to visit you occasionally when the purpose of their visit is to be with YOU.

If they say that they really can’t afford to stay at a hotel and they want to come there and spend time during their layover, explain that it is inconvenient for you -- and costly. If they continue to press, this is when you can request some kind of fee for replenishing your amenities and cleaning your house. That seems fair.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend’s firm belief in certain conspiracy theories is starting to make me resent her. She and I have been together for about a year now; when we first met, COVID-19 was just beginning to spread. She told me at the height of the pandemic that she thought the virus was caused by 5G phone signals (which is ridiculous), and at first I would laugh it off. Now, a year later, I’ve lost two relatives and a close friend to COVID. She still insists that COVID is some sort of conspiracy, even after watching me grieve because of it. Her theories are offensive and harmful, and I don’t know how to approach the situation without causing a huge fight. How should I approach this? I don’t want us to break up. -- COVID Conspiracy

DEAR COVID CONSPIRACY: You need to have a real and raw conversation with your girlfriend. Apart from her conspiracy theory beliefs, she has shown herself to be insensitive to you and your family’s losses. Tell her that this hurts your feelings and has to stop. Further, point out that her extreme views make you uncomfortable.

You can agree to talk about anything with your girlfriend, but I encourage you both to do your research and come with fact-based information, not oft-repeated theories. There is a lot of research out there about COVID-19, what it is and how it affects human beings. You may want to share what you have learned with her, from reputable sources. But in the end, you will have to decide if you can live with someone who fundamentally doesn’t share your values. Sometimes things can be overlooked -- not always.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)