DEAR HARRIETTE: I interviewed a number of dynamic people for a project recently. I could hire only one person. I was telling a friend about my experience, and she asked me if I would refer the people I hadn’t hired to her. This put me in an awkward situation. The job I had to offer was very specific and different from what my friend needs. Perhaps someone might work for her, though.

Something about my friend asking rubbed me the wrong way. What I realize is that every time I go through an interviewing process, this same friend wants to take her pick from my group. I spend a lot of time and effort soliciting talent for my projects. My friend told me that she only wants to interview people who have already been vetted by people she knows. She admitted that she wants me to do the work for her. I take offense to that. Should I refer her to the candidates who might be good for her, despite me being miffed at her for mooching? -- Freeloader

DEAR FREELOADER: If you truly believe you have met a candidate who would be good for your friend, don’t keep that information to yourself. Share. But what you can do in the future is stop talking about the machinations of your interview process. Your friend has told you hers. She waits to hear what her friends and colleagues have learned about people and picks from their rejects. If you don’t want her to do that anymore, stop talking about what you do and who you’ve met. What you don’t tell her, she won’t know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I decided to lay off the booze for a month. We had been drinking too much all last year. While it was fun, we knew we were overdoing it. Anyhow, for all of January we went cold turkey. It was good for us. But then we immediately started drinking again when February started. And we overdid it. We both drank a lot and woke up hungover. It was awful. Does that mean we are alcoholics? -- CAN’T STOP DRINKING

DEAR CAN’T STOP DRINKING: You can decide for yourself or with a medical professional as to whether you are alcoholics. What you have clearly identified is that you like to drink and that in the past you have drunk too much. Why not go back to your January plan and stop drinking again? Follow the idea of one day at a time. Decide that today you will not have a drink. Get through today, then go for tomorrow. If you aren’t interested in stopping completely, give yourself a day of the week when you can have a drink. Decide in advance what that day will be and how much you are allowing yourself to consume. Do this with your girlfriend so that you can support each other.

If it is too difficult to drink in moderation, you may have a drinking problem. If you feel you need help to stop, get it. You can visit Alcoholics Anonymous online to get started at aa.org.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I did one of those popular diets for the month of January, and I am so mad. I did it because I need to lose weight; sitting around at home during COVID-19 and eating whenever I want to has not helped me at all. But starving myself for a month didn’t help either. My stomach was constantly upset, and I didn’t even lose much weight. I did notice what my cravings are because my patterns were disrupted. But still, I’m left in the same position that I started in: I need to lose weight. What should I do? -- Need To Lose

DEAR NEED TO LOSE: Go get a physical from your doctor. Figure out the status of your health, and ask for a referral to a nutritionist. You can work with this person to assess your current eating habits and consider healthier options. You should also incorporate exercise into your daily routine. Don’t let the effect of the interminable quarantine make you unhealthy. Incorporate a few modifications into your daily life, and track your success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I don’t have any friends. When I was out and about, working and socializing, it felt completely different. I was always the belle of the ball, so to speak. My work was very social, and I knew a lot of people who acted like they wanted to be around me. Now that we can’t go anywhere, I realize that most of those people have disappeared. I have one girlfriend who I have talked to consistently over all these months. The rest -- poof! When I have reached out to some of the people I thought were my friends, it fell flat. Should I just let them go? I feel like such a loser. -- No Friends

DEAR NO FRIENDS: My mother used to say that you were lucky if you could count your friends on one hand. That’s all you need. Many people are acquaintances. Few are true friends. If you have one good friend, hold onto her -- especially after the world opens up again. Don’t take her for granted. The others are part of your social circle. Don’t be mad at them. Just realize who they are and the purpose they serve in your life. The mistake that many people make is attempting to turn relationships into something that they are not.

Use this reflective time to assess your relationships. Who fits into what category? If you identify anyone outside of your one friend who could be a true friend, decide to cultivate that bond. Be attentive, and let that person know how much you value him or her in your life.

When you are clear about the roles that people play in your world, you can manage your feelings and expectations better. It will be easier for you to know who can keep a secret, who gives great advice, who is good for a night on the town, who is a great connector, etc. Being aware in this way will make you a winner!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since the pandemic started, my husband has been working at home. He still has his job, thank God, but he hardly ever goes in. I’m so worried that he will end up losing his job. He is already a senior citizen. I can’t imagine what he will do if he has to look for work. He has been taking real estate investing courses, but I can’t envision him doing that successfully. My husband is not a salesman in any way. He refuses to speak up at work to say he is available for an assignment. In real estate, you have to hustle. It’s all about being assertive and putting yourself out there. I know my husband means well, but I think it’s unrealistic for him to believe that he will be able to grow a real estate business when he lacks the people skills that go with it. How can I encourage him to make a responsible choice without hurting his feelings? I’m scared to death that we will end up with nothing if he continues down this path. I work, by the way, but I don’t make enough money to take care of the both of us. -- Supporting My Man

DEAR SUPPORTING MY MAN: Tread lightly. Since your husband has chosen a second career, you don’t want to dash his hopes. Instead, encourage him to role-play with you. What will he be doing if he is in real estate? Ask him to practice on you. How will he pitch to a potential buyer? What would a day look like? Encourage your husband to talk through all of the details of this new line of work so that he can see for himself what it will look like. Let him discover through these conversations whether he believes he has the aptitude for it. Additionally, talk to him about retirement and how you will be able to manage as a family. Do not give up. Keep the conversation going so that you can get to the topics that must be discussed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was going through some boxes and things, trying to organize my house, and I came across some old love letters that I had written to a man I used to date many moons ago. While we dated way before I met my husband, I bet that these letters would be disturbing for him to find. I kept them for so long because of the nostalgia. I really loved this man. I think that I should dispose of them, but I’m finding it hard to do. What do you think? -- Letting Go

DEAR LETTING GO: Put yourself in your husband’s shoes. How would you feel if you came across some of his old love letters? It’s time to shred them, burn them or otherwise safely dispose of them. Live in the present. It’s safer and can be more fulfilling.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)