life

Reader Excited By Prospect of Tubman $20 Bill

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 12th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that Biden is in office, he is busting out so many new things already. One that I found interesting was his movement to put Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill. This was originally put into motion by President Obama, and now that Biden is President, I think it is noble that he is continuing this goal despite the effort being slowed down by President Trump. I think it’s a great plan that will be a daily reminder for Americans, but what can we really expect this to change for our futures? Have you given any thought to what this really means to people here on the ground? What difference, if any, do you see it making? -- Hero Tubman

DEAR HERO TUBMAN: Whenever a person is being considered to be put on the face of money, it’s a big deal because it happens so rarely. It is a symbolic gesture designed to highlight the contributions of the person to American culture. What might that mean, particularly about Harriet Tubman? Known as the Conductor, Tubman was a pivotal figure in American history. Born an enslaved woman, not only did she escape, but she returned countless times to lead others to freedom. Her courage, resilience and tenacity are inspiring for anyone. Seeing her face on American currency may inspire someone to look her up and learn about a part of American history that is rarely discussed openly. The more people learn about the fullness of our culture, the better off we all will be.

That said, many people do not pay attention to the faces on our currency or to the monuments in our parks. Imagine if we all did a little research to learn whose images we are honoring and what they say about who we are as a people!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 12, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 12th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my home, my job and where I live. What I don’t love is my landlord. I live in a college town, so often there are students looking for housing. Most tenants in this area are here for only a year or so and then leave. Because of this, my landlord told me that he gives tours of his units often. I signed a one-year lease, but I plan on being here for a couple of years with this new job.

My landlord emails me late at night to tell me that early in the morning he is coming to give a tour. He is supposed to give a 24-hour notice, but it's usually like a six-hour heads-up, which is very inconvenient for me. I approached him about this, telling him that showing my apartment -- during COVID-19 and when I have little interest in moving next year -- is inconsiderate. But he thinks he is within his rights. I don’t want to leave, but he is not respecting my boundaries. What should I do? -- Knocking Landlord

DEAR KNOCKING LANDLORD: Because of COVID-19, you may be able to push back successfully. It is unhealthy to bring random people into your home at all, let alone on an ongoing basis. Use the health argument to say that you do not want anyone entering your home who is not someone you have invited. If he continues to refuse, ask if you can extend your lease in exchange for being left alone. Or you may want to take him to court. Learn your rights and find out how you can file to protect your health. At the very least, you may want to have an attorney contact your landlord. Given that the CDC is recommending that people not even visit with their families indoors, you stand a good chance of keeping random apartment hunters out -- for now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Family Treats Sick Reader Like a Pariah

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 11th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I came down with a stomachache and sore throat recently, most likely based on something that I ate. But my stomach hurt so bad that I went to the doctor. Because I had had a fever one night when the pain was extra bad, the doctor made me get a COVID-19 test before I could do anything else. I waited for three days for it to come back, at home with my family. I already didn’t feel well, and then everybody started acting like I was going to kill them. My family accused me of making them ill because I went to the grocery store and maybe I exposed them to the virus. My friends scolded me for not being careful enough when I have gone outside -- which is hardly ever. I go to the grocery store and for walks occasionally just to stretch my legs, always wearing a mask. I didn’t appreciate how hostile they were. Anyway, I just got the results back -- NEGATIVE. But I’m still mad at how my loved ones treated me. Should I say something or just get over it? -- COVID Insanity

DEAR COVID INSANITY: People are scared. From medical professionals to the people living in your house, there is legitimate fear about contracting COVID-19. Especially now, when the death toll is well over 400,000 in the United States and the variants in England and South Africa threaten to be more contagious and more deadly, people are worried. You got the brunt of that worry.

I suggest letting it go that your family reacted intensely. Continue to be vigilant in wearing your mask, keeping your hands clean and maintaining distance. Don’t slack off on any of the basic protocols. And make an appointment to figure out what is wrong with you if the symptoms haven’t subsided.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 11, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 11th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to get so frustrated with one of my longtime friends. It seems like the only time he reaches out to me is when he needs something. If he thinks someone could use my advice or he wants me to help somebody do something, he’s Johnny-on-the-spot. I wish he would just call to check on me and see how I’m doing. I have figured out that he thinks that he is showing his love for me by creating these relationships. I’ve had enough. How can I get my point across that I want all of these favors to stop? -- Enough

DEAR ENOUGH: Speak directly to your friend. Tell him that you want to be able to talk occasionally when the time is right, but you do not have the bandwidth to manage all the people he sends your way. Tell him you miss him -- not the basket of folks he constantly leaves at your doorstep. Acknowledge that you believe he does this because he appreciates you. Tell him that what you want from him is him -- not them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Isolation Taking a Toll on Reader’s Mood

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 10th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am always fussing these days. At work, everybody seems on edge, and I am, too. At home, my husband and I seem to go at it about the littlest things. It’s all too much. Being cooped up for a whole year without the normal ways that we could blow off steam is taking its toll on my mood -- and it’s not just me. Everybody around me seems to be affected. I don’t want to be stuck in this bad mood. What can I do? -- No More Bad Mood

DEAR NO MORE BAD MOOD: Good for you for calling out how you feel and noticing that it may be bigger than just a momentary thing. Many people are feeling tense right now. It has been a very long time that we have been either quarantined or dramatically limited in the ways in which we can engage others. And human beings need to be together, while too much togetherness, like your situation at home, can also feel stifling.

Some folks dream about things going back to normal, but as the great spiritual adviser Iyanla Vanzant recently told me, we have to accept “the now.” The past is just that: past, gone. Whenever the pandemic truly passes and the world opens up again, things will be different, and there’s no going back. So your attitude needs to change. I’ve started getting flowers at the grocery store and putting them on my desk. I practice remembering to be kind when I talk to everyone, including the people in my house. I choose more often to start every engagement with positive words and a smile. Try these simple ways of claiming joy.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 10, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 10th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m no writer, but I have so much to say. I have this idea to teach and share my knowledge with others, and many of my peers think that aside from running my own seminars, I should write a book. I know I can easily take the format of what I have been saying time and time again during my group talks and mentoring and write it all down, but even if I were to get all my thoughts and ideas down on paper, where do I go from there? How does a book go from an idea to being printed and put on shelves? Do I pay to publish my book, or does a company have to like my book enough to buy it and publish it? You're a published writer -- where do I start? -- Starting My Book

DEAR STARTING MY BOOK: Many people who are not writers hire ghostwriters to help them put their ideas on paper and turn them into books. This has become a big industry that you may want to tap into.

You can also try to do it yourself. Decide what you want to write about. Is it a memoir? Is it a manual attendees would use to complement your seminars? What is the book? Next, find a writer’s workshop to help you develop your ideas as you write. Hire an editor to get your content tight. You can self-publish, which is common these days, and sell your books directly through your seminars. To get a book published by a traditional publisher, you will need to secure a literary agent, show your reach (social media footprint, audience) and sell your idea to a publisher.

All are possible, but if you already have a good following through your seminars, you may want to choose the self-publishing route to start. It’s quicker and easier, and you will have a built-in potential buyer base.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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