life

Recent Hire Wants To Leave New Position

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 9th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been applying for jobs, and they all get back to me at different times. After interviewing with one place, I was offered a job and started working. I had worked there for two weeks when I received a call for an interview for another job. I made time to do that interview remotely, and I was offered the job that day. I really love the new job, but I already accepted the other one. I’ve never been in this position where I have a choice of where I can work. I want to take this other job, but I feel weird leaving the first employer so soon after telling them how greatly appreciative and excited I was to work with them. How do I ethically leave this job for another one? -- Retracting My Acceptance

DEAR RETRACTING MY ACCEPTANCE: Take a pause and evaluate both jobs. Are you sure that this other job is a much better fit? In order to make such an abrupt move after accepting a position, it should be well worth the inconvenience to your current employer and the blow to your reputation. You run the risk of being labeled by your current company as untrustworthy, flaky or dishonorable -- not a label you would want.

But if the new offer is truly in sync with your career goals and your gut tells you that this is the right way to go, you can consider it. You should be upfront with the new employer, for starters. Tell them that you are interested, but you already accepted a different position and you need to give the current employer at least two weeks’ notice, if they want it. If the new employer agrees, go to your current boss and break the news. Be honest and respectful. Explain that as much as you like the job you have, this other one is a better fit for your career goals. Apologize profusely. If you signed a contract that has a time commitment, this could be moot.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 09, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 9th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been wearing sweats and T-shirts for the past year as we have been isolated during COVID-19, and it’s not good. I had to go to a socially distanced event for my family last weekend, and when I went to put on some real clothes, nothing fit. I don’t know how much weight I have gained, but it’s enough to erase my wardrobe. I don’t have the money to replace my clothes, and I don’t want to stay this size. What should I do? -- Nothing Fits

DEAR NOTHING FITS: Now is the time to get up and move. Many of us have been stuck still for so long that even the daily movement of walking from here to there to get to work or to the grocery store or to an appointment has evaporated. You can claim that back. Start by doing simple exercises to get you moving at home. You can go online to find workout classes that you can join virtually.

You should get a physical to check on your overall health, and ask to talk to a nutritionist. Because you aren’t moving much, you should eat less. Makes sense, right? Replace other beverages with water. Eat little or no sugar. Reduce your portion sizes. Rather than going extreme, if you can cut back a bit on everything -- and follow your doctor’s recommendations -- you should be able to slim down over time. Good luck!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Upset After Losing Money in Bet

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 8th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I are pretty competitive when it comes to sports and gambling; it’s what we have always done since college. We get hurt -- like bumps and bruises -- but end up fine. We laugh it off and get back up, no problem. We gamble and make bets on games and random things. We do silly and crazy dares.

Recently, I got a new job that came with a signing bonus. While we were having one of our competitive nights, we made some bets, and I felt invincible putting up my big check. My friend, being my friend, matched it. I won, and he lost. I knew he could not afford to pay up, but he wrote me a check anyway. Now he won’t talk to me. I gave the money back to him, but his pride won’t let him keep it. I feel like a villain for winning. I don’t know how to fix this. What should I do? -- Sore Loser

DEAR SORE LOSER: Time will be the healer in this situation. What happened goes far beyond that competitive moment. In your moment of invincibility, you revealed to your friend that you have won a bigger competition, which neither of you may have realized you were in -- namely, that of the bigger paycheck and the uptick in your career.

All of the games that you two have played over the years show how competition lives at your core. Naturally, it would show its face when things get real. All you can do is let time take care of it. You were out of turn in waving the flag of your bonus in his face. After things cool off a bit, you can text or call him and invite him to engage again, like usual. Eventually, you should be able to establish a refreshed rapport.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 08, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 8th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband curses a lot these days. Even though we have two young children and I ask him repeatedly to curb his language, he just doesn’t seem to care anymore. He used to reserve his profanity for our private conversations, but now he can’t be bothered. My youngest, who is 7, just used curse words when speaking to me. I was mortified. I do not want my children to think that cursing is acceptable. How can I get my husband to stop? -- No More Potty Language

DEAR NO MORE POTTY LANGUAGE: Carve out a private moment with your husband when the children are asleep and you two are alert. Tell him you want to talk about something serious. Then go for it. Reveal that your youngest is now cursing, and you are concerned. Point out that your husband's constant profanity is fueling this. You want to teach the children to use appropriate, respectful language, and you need his support. Ask him to agree NOT to curse around them. Pick replacement words and phrases that you agree on. Push until he agrees.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Boyfriend Being Bullied by Partner’s Family

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 6th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up in a house full of boys. I have four brothers who were rowdy and loud. Plus, my dad had a huge presence in the household. I have a boyfriend who is the opposite of them. He is sensitive and thoughtful. As much as I love my family, I would never call them sensitive. My boyfriend cries when we watch certain movies or when sad things happen. I like this about him.

But it leaves him vulnerable when he’s around my family. They constantly jab at him and tease him because he’s “soft.” When I have told them how much I like him and that I appreciate that softer side, they laugh at me. How can I get my family to welcome him when he is so different from them? Quite frankly, they can be bullies. -- Stop Bullying My Man

DEAR STOP BULLYING MY MAN: Your boyfriend is going to have to carve out a level of comfort for himself with your family. You cannot do this for him. He doesn’t have to become a bully himself or attempt to be different than he is, but he does need to establish his own space among the boys. My guess is that he will need to be able to ignore them, deflect their taunts and stand his ground.

What you can do is make sure that you clearly let your family know how much you care for him. You, too, should ignore their jibes. If you don’t add fuel to that fire, it may subside.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 06, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 6th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am tired of wearing a mask every time I go outside. I thought COVID-19 would be handled by now. It’s been almost a year, and I’ve had it. I want my old life back. Plus, I learned that a woman I know caught COVID even after wearing a mask, so what’s the point? I think I just want to live my life and see what happens. I am young and healthy. I want to see my friends and take off this mask. Since I haven't gotten sick yet, I think I should be good. Do you think I’m being stupid? I don’t plan on being reckless. I just want my regular life back. -- No More Mask

DEAR NO MORE MASK: It’s totally understandable that you are exhausted by the pandemic and the recommendations for staying safe. We are all tired. And yet, more than 400,000 Americans have died from COVID-19, including many young, healthy people. It is real, and it isn’t going away yet. Your friend who got the virus while wearing a mask is proof of how dangerous the illness is. That’s why the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends several measures: wearing a face covering, staying 6 feet apart and constantly washing your hands. They also suggest that you not gather in enclosed spaces whenever possible.

You should continue to follow these guidelines, even though it is frustrating. We don’t know how long this will last, but it won’t be forever. The vaccine should help us dramatically once enough people have been able to get it. Be patient. Visit from a distance with loved ones. Follow President Biden’s request to mask up for his first 100 days. It is worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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