DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and I have a great relationship because it's always been just us. She tells me everything. When she was a teenager, she told me all the nitty and gritty, and there was a lot we went through; I can’t imagine she left anything out. I trust her. But now she's an adult making her own decisions, never consulting me. I guess that makes me feel left out and jealous.

One day I went to her home, and she left her phone open when she exited the room. I don't know what came over me, but I picked up her phone and started swiping through everything. I don’t know what I was looking for or expecting to find. A few seconds later, she came back into the room and caught me. Now she's not speaking to me. Why did I do this? I was frozen and had no words. I don't know what went through my head at the time. Maybe you could tell me why I would betray her privacy? -- Feeling Sorry

DEAR FEELING SORRY: You know why you went through her phone. What you need to do is tell your daughter and apologize. Be brutally honest. Reach out to her and ask her to talk. When she agrees -- which could take some time -- tell her how sorry you are for breaching her confidence by going through her phone. Admit that it has been difficult for you to step back as she grows into the woman she is becoming. Because she was so forthcoming with you when she was young and now she is not, you long to know more about her life. Be frank: You know that you should not have done that. Curiosity took over, and you started looking to see what’s going on in her life. Apologize. Promise to respect her privacy moving forward. Ask for her forgiveness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I have grown up together and stuck together through college. We studied similar fields but have different majors and degrees. We went to a job fair, and he met a recruiter and told me all about the job he was applying for. I was so amazed and couldn't help but feel like that job was a great fit for me. I searched around and got ahold of the recruiter for the position and got myself an interview. We both interviewed for a bunch of different jobs, but I think he wanted this job as much as me. Turns out, I got the job. Now I have to tell my friend, but I never mentioned applying for the job. I am going to be in hot water when I tell him. What should I say? -- I Stole His Job

DEAR I STOLE HIS JOB: This could be a dealbreaker for your friendship because it was clearly a breach of trust, and it was sneaky. You have to tell your friend, but don’t be surprised if he cuts you out of his life for your dishonesty. Tell him that you got a job -- the job that he had told you about. Admit that you also interviewed for it after learning about it from him. Tell him the truth. Apologize for not being forthcoming. Ask for his forgiveness. Don’t expect it, though.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my boyfriend for a break so I could have some space to think. He has bad reactions when I tell him things, and he can’t control his feelings. I have been scared to talk to him, which has led me to hide things from him. I constantly feel like I am lying to him, all to protect his feelings and his mood. He just can’t handle certain information, and he doesn’t listen to me -- he just jumps to react. It has made me rethink how we communicate and whether we can connect in a healthy way. If we can’t, then should we even be in a relationship? After realizing this, I asked for a break, but I’ve heard that people don’t get back together after a break. Do you think a break will help? -- Pausing on Love

DEAR PAUSING ON LOVE: I would say that you shouldn’t pause for too long. Your chance at making this relationship work will come from the two of you working together on your bond. What do you want? What do you need? Get clear on the answers to those questions. The bottom line is that you need to decide whether you want to devote your life to being with him. Figure that out first. Then, ask your boyfriend to get together to talk. Be open with him. If you think you want to be with him, tell him what you want in your relationship. Explain how important communication is for you, and give him examples of your concerns about the ways in which he reacts to you when you tell him things and what you have been doing to manage those reactions. Tell him that this worries you. Suggest that he go to anger management classes to gain competence at handling difficult information. See what he is willing to do to work with you. If he seems unwilling or unable to make the effort, you may have your answer about your future with him.

If it doesn’t seem like it’s possible to have a healthy bond, cut ties. Since you have already separated, this may be the cleanest time to break.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe my husband is either having an affair or getting dangerously close to it. We have not been close for a long time, but we have carved out a way of coexisting that I thought was common for couples who have been together for a long time. Recently, one of his college friends has come into the picture. They go out to eat and for drinks and to see art shows -- all kinds of things. Even during quarantine, they have made time for outings. He never wants to do anything like that with me. When I have made similar suggestions, he balks. When I have asked him about these outings with this woman, he blows it off, saying he’s just hanging out with an old friend. I went with them once, but it was uncomfortable. I felt like she was coming on to him, and he was enjoying the attention. I don’t want to lose my husband. What should I do? -- He’s Mine

DEAR HE’S MINE: Speak up and tell him that his relationship with this woman makes you uncomfortable. Tell him that you do not want him to continue to spend time with her. Be direct, and tell him that you feel that their friendship is a threat to your marriage. Ask him to choose to spend more time with you. His reaction will help you to know what he is willing and interested in doing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave all of my nieces and nephews money for Christmas, mainly because we weren’t going to be able to see one another. I figured it was an efficient way to give them gifts. Plus, they are old enough to want to choose how to spend their money themselves. Of the six teenagers I sent money to, only two said thank you. I kid you not! I don’t mean a thank-you note. I mean anything. I didn’t hear boo from the others. I know they got the money because I sent it directly into their accounts. Two of them had to set up the delivery system so that they could even receive the money, which they did with help from their sister -- and still they didn’t say thank you. I am surprised at just how rude they were. Do you think I should say something, or maybe just not give them a gift next year? I worry that if I wait until next Christmas, though, they probably won’t even remember -- if they even realize it now. -- No Thank You

DEAR NO THANK YOU: This is your family, so you have the right to double back and talk to them about this. Contact each one directly. Check in to see how they are doing as this new year has begun. Ask if they received the money that you sent them for Christmas. When they respond affirmatively, ask them why they did not acknowledge receipt. Then tell them that it was rude to say nothing after receiving your gift and that you are offended by their bad manners. Teach them that in the cycle of giving and receiving, acknowledgment is the very least that they should do when receiving a gift. Expressing gratitude should be an action they cultivate. Make sure they know that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is elderly and having a lot of difficulty these days. I have confided in a few friends about her condition. Several of these friends check in periodically to see how things are going. One friend calls me once or twice a week. It’s way too much. I appreciate the concern, but I have no interest in giving him a blow-by-blow of my mother’s condition. I know he is trying to show that he cares for me and my mom, but this is over the top. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I need him to chill. Should I say something or just be less available when he calls? I’m having a hard time coping with the stress of dealing with my mother’s illnesses. I don’t have the bandwidth to manage this friend who means well but is overwhelming. -- Too Much Support

DEAR TOO MUCH SUPPORT: I’m sorry about your mother’s failing health and your challenges with managing concerned loved ones. It’s all tough for you. Remember that this friend means well, even though his overtures are overwhelming. Next time he calls, thank him for checking in, and let him know that you can’t talk right now. Suggest that you talk in a week or so. Offer that you will check in with him if there are any changes. If he persists in calling too often, let the call go to voicemail when you are not up for talking. It is not rude of you to manage your time and energy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)