life

Engaged Woman Worried Friend Has Crush on Her

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 26th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend in my circle who recently came out as a lesbian. She told us that she had dated girls in secret in the past but decided to let all of us know because she has a crush she can no longer keep quiet about -- but she’s waiting for the right time to say who it is. A couple of our friends have been asking me how I felt about what she said, and it’s giving me the impression that I am the one she has a crush on. To my knowledge, I am the only one in the dark about what is going on.

I am engaged to a man, and I am so happy with him. My friends are my life, and we have been close since high school; I plan to have them as my bridesmaids. I can't imagine having to turn down one of my close friends and potentially break her heart, but I love my fiance, and my friends all know that. If they are all talking about me and plotting something to get us together, I would be really upset. I could be overthinking all this, but I'm unsure about what’s going on, and I feel like they are doing it all behind my back. How do I handle this? -- Who Does She Love?

DEAR WHO DOES SHE LOVE: Stop wondering and ask. Go directly to your friend. Tell her that you are happy for her coming to know who she is, just as you know who you are. Tell her you feel uncomfortable because you are unsure of where her heart lies. If she professes her love for you, tell her you love her as your friend, but you love your fiance as your life partner. You hope she understands and you fear that this revelation from her may hurt your friendship, but you pray it does not.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 26, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 26th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a company that is pretty mixed politically. I didn’t learn that until the presidential election. Before, I blindly assumed everybody thought like me. And then the debates began internally with people saying things that were rude and dismissive if you didn’t agree with them. It has just gotten worse as the nation seems to be going to hell. It is hard to work when people can’t be civil with one another. What can we do to get back to some semblance of normalcy? -- Business as Usual

DEAR BUSINESS AS USUAL: Our world has turned upside down. People’s views are out in the open, often raw for all to see. On one hand, this may be good, as it is revealing the truth about what people think. On the other hand, decorum seems to have left our society.

Your manager or business owner needs to set the tone. It would be smart for your manager to speak to the company, acknowledge that we are living in difficult and volatile times, and state that everyone at your company is expected to behave respectfully, keeping personal political views to themselves. The manager may need to create guidelines and penalties if staffers refuse to behave professionally. Better still would be to create safe spaces for staff to speak to therapists or health care support if and when they feel emotional about anything.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Chance Encounter With Psychic Leads to Questions

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 25th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a psychic at the supermarket the other day. We were both in the produce department waiting for the stocker to bring out more vegetables. The pandemic has been causing a lot of shortages in some items, so grocery runs have been difficult. We were able to share a moment together, talking about the challenges we’ve faced. She asked for my birthday and my sign, and she told me all about myself and my past. She knew about my family and my fight to keep my father healthy. I couldn’t believe the connection I felt with her; she felt what I have been feeling this past year.

One thing we talked about that I cannot shake is my love life. I told her about a friend who has been dropping off supplies and calls me all the time, and she said that the love I’ve been looking for is right in front of me -- meaning him. Now, I don’t know this lady. My friends say it's crazy, but I need some advice from someone looking in. Could the psychic be right? Should I ask this guy out and see what happens, or am I crazy to listen to someone who may not even be psychic? -- Psychic Minds

DEAR PSYCHIC MINDS: I must admit that I am skeptical of psychics. I must also admit that I know plenty of people who do believe in them. I myself consulted a psychic once -- and what was said to me was dead-on accurate. My takeaway is that you should evaluate what this woman said to you. Does it make sense? Is there merit in what she pointed out? It sounds like your attentive friend is worthy of your consideration. It can’t hurt to pay attention to him. You don’t need to read anything into the gestures, just be present. Notice how you two interact, and listen to your gut. Does it feel like this man is interested in you, and are you interested in him? Rather than obsessing over the fact that this woman seemed to be in sync with you, consider your next steps. What makes sense to you? Be in the present moment. Keep your eyes open. Go for it if it makes sense.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 25, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 25th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: People at my office have been doing their best to keep our workplace clean. They are actively spraying down all of the workstations and are monitoring the staff's temperatures when entering the building. They have been doing a great job -- to an extent. I know some co-workers who were sent home with a fever and later tested positive for COVID-19. Management has not sent a memo letting us know that our co-workers tested positive, and they're not letting us stay home while they try to clean the office. They do it only when we are there; when we are not, they just lock up. I personally feel that although they have all intentions to keep the workplace clean, they are not handling this correctly, leaving room for the virus to spread. How can we be safe if we are not notified of exposure and continue to occupy the infected space? - Still Spreading

DEAR STILL SPREADING: It is so hard to stay on top of this virus. Naturally, you are concerned. What you can do is bring your own disinfectant and wipe down your area before you settle in. Be vigilant in wearing your mask and washing your hands.

Also, when you know someone has tested positive, tell your co-workers and ask your management to alert everyone. It is OK for you to keep this top of mind.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Quarantine Brings About Marriage Troubles

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 23rd, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of the horrible side effects of being in quarantine for nearly a year now is that my husband and I are not getting along. We have always argued about this or that, but things have gotten a lot worse. I feel like I never know what the morning will bring. In the past few weeks, I have noticed that I could say one wrong thing and he will just start yelling at me, seemingly for no reason. I am walking on eggshells, unsure of what to say -- or not say -- to him because I don’t feel like arguing. I am not a passive person; I just want peace. I know my husband will not go to therapy, especially now when he is not leaving the house. What can I do to make things more positive at home? -- Tired of Arguing

DEAR TIRED OF ARGUING: Sadly, quarantine has dramatically and negatively impacted many households. It is hard to be confined to a small space for what seems like an interminable period of time. Added to the quarantine are all of the other stressors that people are dealing with. You didn’t say what your husband’s work situation is, but some people are stressed out because they have lost jobs or their jobs have been diminished. Many are worried about finances and health.

Think about what may be bothering your husband. Through a compassionate perspective, consider what his issues are. Then tell him you want to have a discussion. Be positive, not combative. Tell him that you have noticed that your interactions have been very testy of late, and you are concerned. Ask him if anything specific is bothering him. Listen carefully. If he says he doesn’t know what you are talking about, tell him you would like to give a couple of examples. Share your examples, and tell your husband how his words and tone make you feel.

Tell him that you want to find a way that the two of you can be kinder to each other. Note that this period has been difficult for you, but that you want to find a way to communicate. Ask him if he is willing to try. Be mindful not to place blame. Instead, request that you work together to be more thoughtful.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 23, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 23rd, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wake up almost every morning to the smell of weed. I knew my husband smoked -- he has since before we got married -- but it has gotten out of control since we have been stuck at home. I hate waking up to that smell. As it is, just walking down the street in my neighborhood, in a city where marijuana is still illegal, I see people smoking out in the open. It stinks, but that’s outside. I am so tired of smelling it in my house. I have asked my husband not to smoke all the time, but that isn’t working. He just rolls his eyes and gets mad. We live in an apartment, so he has nowhere to go outside to smoke. What should I do? -- No More Weed

DEAR NO MORE WEED: Try talking to your husband about when he smokes. If the morning is what irks you the most, ask him not to smoke first thing in the morning, as it negatively impacts the start to your day. Tell him that if he loves you, he should try to accommodate you -- at least some of the time. You may also want to invest in a device that draws smoke out of the air. Smoke removal devices exist at all price points and may provide relief.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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