DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are newlyweds in our late 20s, and we are just moving in with each other into his current apartment. We are planning to buy a home together. Before getting married, he was all for making me happy and letting me decide on things like the type of home that I want. Now that we are married, things are different. He is telling me that there are things to consider that I, as woman, do not understand. I get that he may have certain concerns about the homes I choose, but he will not share his thoughts with me.
He is trying to make the decisions for both of us, and that’s not how we should work. I feel unseen and unheard. He’s trying to control this whole situation, and I don’t recognize the man I fell in love with anymore. It’s like this role of being the husband has gone to his head. I just want my best friend back. How do I shake him out of this? -- Downhill Newlyweds
DEAR DOWNHILL NEWLYWEDS: The roles of husband and wife mean different things to different people, based on their upbringing and experience. Clearly, your husband seems to be drawing upon his understanding of what a husband should be and do as he navigates this big decision. You two need to get to an understanding of how you will work together as a married couple and family based on who you are. You need to talk. Ask him to explain to you what’s in his head and what he wants for your marriage. In turn, share with him your vision of married life. Talk to him about expectations. Talk specifically about the house you want to buy. Work to get him to agree that you should both be part of that process. This is a key decision that should not be the sole responsibility of either of you.