DEAR HARRIETTE: I purchased my first home last year. As we came into 2020, the pandemic hit, and my wife and I lost our jobs. We were unable to pay our full mortgage. We scraped together enough money doing side jobs to pay some monthly payments, but we are still behind. Now we are going into 2021, and we are exhausted. It feels like we work nonstop trying to hold on to everything we planned for together.

Our holidays were quiet -- just the two of us -- but we have been able to stay safe and healthy despite the pandemic. We are nervous for the new year but hopeful that we will find jobs and avoid going into foreclosure. Do you have advice for an unemployed young couple with a mortgage to pay? Do you think we will ever see things go back to completely normal? -- Failing Mortgage

DEAR FAILING MORTGAGE: I’m so sorry to learn of your challenges. Sadly, millions of Americans are in the same situation. Perhaps this can work to your advantage. Because so many people are unable to pay, banks and other lenders are having to figure out ways to work with families so that the whole market does not collapse. If you haven’t already, develop a relationship with the person handling your mortgage payments. Talk to this person and discuss payment plans. Even if you can’t come up with the full amount, your lender may cut you some slack if you can pay something each month. Ask for help. As long as you stay in close communication with them, you stand a chance of working out a deal that may help you to keep your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now, and I think I am in love with him. This is the man I want to spend my life with. This year he got arrested for a break-in with some of his friends. Now he is facing court cases, jail time and lawyer’s fees. He never told me about any of this until he was asking me to bail him out. I want to be there for him, but I feel like he made me believe that he is something he is not. He wants to meet and explain everything. I want to hear him out, and I hope that I am jumping to conclusions and that he made a mistake and is trying to set things right. Should I let him explain himself or just move on? -- Young in Love

DEAR YOUNG IN LOVE: You say you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. At the very least, meet with him and hear him out. Have him explain what happened, what his role was and what else he has not told you about himself. Listen carefully so that you can hear the truth. He asked you to bail him out. If you do that, you deserve to know his history. You have put your resources on the line by posting bail for him.

More, if you think there’s even a chance of building a life with this man, he needs to come clean about who he is, what he wants in life and what he intends to do about his current predicament. Plenty of people have built lives with people who have entanglements with the criminal justice system. You need to figure out who this man is, what his values are and whether you want to commit to him through it all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My female best friend and my wife don’t get along. My best friend is like a sister to me. She thinks that I made a huge mistake eloping with my wife this year; she doesn’t think that my wife is right for me. I know we rushed into the marriage, but I want my friend’s support so that if I ever come to realize this was a mistake, she is there for me. But if not, and this marriage lasts, I don’t want her to resent me for my choices. I just need my friend back, and I don’t want her making jokes about my wife and making fun of her.

On the other hand, my wife thinks my best friend jokes about her and is against our marriage because she has feelings for me. I don’t think that's true, but with both of these women in my ear, I don’t know what to think. Who is right, and who is wrong? -- Feuding Women

DEAR FEUDING WOMEN: The problem starts with you. In your letter, you admit that you want your best friend to be there for you -- especially if your marriage doesn’t work out. That is not the way to approach marriage. Ask yourself why you chose to elope. What is it about your wife that you love? Why do you want to be with her? You have to get clear and committed about your marriage. Put your wife and your new life together first. If you don’t, you will not stay married.

Your best friend sounds like she is following your lead. Until you are completely devoted to your marriage, you cannot expect your friend to be supportive. She may or may not have romantic feelings for you. She could legitimately just be your good friend. Your job is to make sure that the two of you are clear about her role in your life. It is time for you to step into your life more fully and accept responsibility for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was offered a promotion within my department. My superior said that I have shown resilience and dedication to the job despite our difficult transition to working from home. He told me that I have been working hard from home and could set a great example for others in the company to put forth the same effort and energy.

I don’t believe I have earned or even deserve this promotion; I feel guilty for all the reasons my boss gave. I do my work -- don’t get me wrong -- but I have challenges staying focused on work alone. Since I’ve been home, I feel that a majority of my time has been spent being lazy watching TV, working out, cooking and working on my personal goals. I work to get it over and done with, but it doesn’t appear that way to my boss. I don’t know if I should have expected this promotion, but do I even deserve it? -- Wrongful Promotion

DEAR WRONGFUL PROMOTION: Consider this promotion a blessing to get back on track. Accept it graciously, and commit to devoting each hour of the workday to doing the best that you can for your company. Put your personal projects to the side, and work on them only after hours. This may be the motivation you need to fulfill your boss’s vision for you. Go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my adult kids are losing respect for me. When your kids are young, they look up to you for everything and trust in you. My kids are all of college age and older. They are leaving the nest and not looking back. They throw their childhood bad memories at me, saying that I was manipulative and a liar. But as parents, we know what it's like when your kids throw a tantrum, or when they get into trouble as a teenager and just won’t listen. I did what I needed to do to raise smart, strong kids, and I feel like I succeeded. All I want now is to enjoy a mature adult relationship with my kids, but they want nothing to do with me. I feel like I gave my life to them, and now I am hated and alone. Was I a bad mother? -- Miss My Kids

DEAR MISS MY KIDS: I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this break with your adult children. It sounds incredibly painful. To get past it, you may have to create space to let your children speak freely about whatever is bothering them. Clearly something happened that left a negative impression on your children. Whatever your intentions were, at this moment, your parenting style has left your children with a bad taste in their mouths.

Invite them, individually or together, to talk to you. Tell them that you hear them saying that you hurt them, and you want to know more. Promise that you will listen. Do your best to hear what they have to say. Do not make excuses as they talk. Be quiet. If you hear something that sounds legitimately off about your behavior, apologize. When it’s your time to talk, admit that you know you weren’t a perfect mom, but you did your best to give them the tools to succeed. Tell them that you want to cultivate a relationship with them. Ask if you can start fresh. It may take time, but don’t give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: From time to time, I have these nightmares about my fiance, of something happening to him or of him doing something to break my heart. These dreams are impacting my reality. Either I wake up crying, not wanting to get out of bed, or I wake up in a rage, upset with him over something that didn’t happen. I’m finding it hard to separate what is real and what is a dream. I feel like my subconscious is either trying to tell me that this man isn’t right for me or I just love him too much and too hard. It's got me scared for marriage. How can I deal with these dreams interfering with my reality? -- Deep Sleeper

DEAR DEEP SLEEPER: Talk to your fiance. Tell him about your dreams. Ask if he is nervous at all about getting married. This could just be jitters -- or it could be more. Talk it through. If the dreams do not subside, consider going to a counselor to work through your concerns.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)