DEAR HARRIETTE: My female best friend and my wife don’t get along. My best friend is like a sister to me. She thinks that I made a huge mistake eloping with my wife this year; she doesn’t think that my wife is right for me. I know we rushed into the marriage, but I want my friend’s support so that if I ever come to realize this was a mistake, she is there for me. But if not, and this marriage lasts, I don’t want her to resent me for my choices. I just need my friend back, and I don’t want her making jokes about my wife and making fun of her.

On the other hand, my wife thinks my best friend jokes about her and is against our marriage because she has feelings for me. I don’t think that's true, but with both of these women in my ear, I don’t know what to think. Who is right, and who is wrong? -- Feuding Women

DEAR FEUDING WOMEN: The problem starts with you. In your letter, you admit that you want your best friend to be there for you -- especially if your marriage doesn’t work out. That is not the way to approach marriage. Ask yourself why you chose to elope. What is it about your wife that you love? Why do you want to be with her? You have to get clear and committed about your marriage. Put your wife and your new life together first. If you don’t, you will not stay married.

Your best friend sounds like she is following your lead. Until you are completely devoted to your marriage, you cannot expect your friend to be supportive. She may or may not have romantic feelings for you. She could legitimately just be your good friend. Your job is to make sure that the two of you are clear about her role in your life. It is time for you to step into your life more fully and accept responsibility for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was offered a promotion within my department. My superior said that I have shown resilience and dedication to the job despite our difficult transition to working from home. He told me that I have been working hard from home and could set a great example for others in the company to put forth the same effort and energy.

I don’t believe I have earned or even deserve this promotion; I feel guilty for all the reasons my boss gave. I do my work -- don’t get me wrong -- but I have challenges staying focused on work alone. Since I’ve been home, I feel that a majority of my time has been spent being lazy watching TV, working out, cooking and working on my personal goals. I work to get it over and done with, but it doesn’t appear that way to my boss. I don’t know if I should have expected this promotion, but do I even deserve it? -- Wrongful Promotion

DEAR WRONGFUL PROMOTION: Consider this promotion a blessing to get back on track. Accept it graciously, and commit to devoting each hour of the workday to doing the best that you can for your company. Put your personal projects to the side, and work on them only after hours. This may be the motivation you need to fulfill your boss’s vision for you. Go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my adult kids are losing respect for me. When your kids are young, they look up to you for everything and trust in you. My kids are all of college age and older. They are leaving the nest and not looking back. They throw their childhood bad memories at me, saying that I was manipulative and a liar. But as parents, we know what it's like when your kids throw a tantrum, or when they get into trouble as a teenager and just won’t listen. I did what I needed to do to raise smart, strong kids, and I feel like I succeeded. All I want now is to enjoy a mature adult relationship with my kids, but they want nothing to do with me. I feel like I gave my life to them, and now I am hated and alone. Was I a bad mother? -- Miss My Kids

DEAR MISS MY KIDS: I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this break with your adult children. It sounds incredibly painful. To get past it, you may have to create space to let your children speak freely about whatever is bothering them. Clearly something happened that left a negative impression on your children. Whatever your intentions were, at this moment, your parenting style has left your children with a bad taste in their mouths.

Invite them, individually or together, to talk to you. Tell them that you hear them saying that you hurt them, and you want to know more. Promise that you will listen. Do your best to hear what they have to say. Do not make excuses as they talk. Be quiet. If you hear something that sounds legitimately off about your behavior, apologize. When it’s your time to talk, admit that you know you weren’t a perfect mom, but you did your best to give them the tools to succeed. Tell them that you want to cultivate a relationship with them. Ask if you can start fresh. It may take time, but don’t give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: From time to time, I have these nightmares about my fiance, of something happening to him or of him doing something to break my heart. These dreams are impacting my reality. Either I wake up crying, not wanting to get out of bed, or I wake up in a rage, upset with him over something that didn’t happen. I’m finding it hard to separate what is real and what is a dream. I feel like my subconscious is either trying to tell me that this man isn’t right for me or I just love him too much and too hard. It's got me scared for marriage. How can I deal with these dreams interfering with my reality? -- Deep Sleeper

DEAR DEEP SLEEPER: Talk to your fiance. Tell him about your dreams. Ask if he is nervous at all about getting married. This could just be jitters -- or it could be more. Talk it through. If the dreams do not subside, consider going to a counselor to work through your concerns.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: With so many children doing distance learning, I feel like it’s harder for them to grasp the work without being in school. Technology is taking over the lives of my stepchildren and other family members. Kids should be learning how to make friends, run around and use their imaginations to play games and learn social interactions. Watching them not have the same experiences I had growing up with little technology, I am not sure how they will turn out. Will they be smarter from using technology at an early age, or will they face difficulties connecting to others? How can I teach them without using so much technology while making sure they learn the same morals and values? -- Schooling My Kids

DEAR SCHOOLING MY KIDS: This is one of the great dilemmas facing our world at this moment. Because we are all cut off from each other, at least for the most part, we are having to learn how to engage and live from a distance. In order for education to continue, many students are having to rely on technology. This will not last forever. For now, do your best to talk to your children and spend time face-to-face with them. Encourage them to use video technology to be able to interact with fellow classmates and friends. At least in that way they can see one another. When safe, allow them to have interactions with one or two friends while still socially distancing.

Beyond this crisis, yes, technology has already become a fact of life for many young people. You must continue to teach your family values. Just apply them to the type of interactions your children are participating in today: using respectful language when communicating, especially in writing; refraining from gossip, especially on social media; choosing to be positive; and looking out for each other. Basic morals apply in ALL situations. Keep teaching.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My biggest goal this year is to stop ignoring my own potential. With my busy schedule and starting a new job, I feel like God is finally opening doors for me and wants me to use my talents. There are so many opportunities coming my way, and I don’t want to miss out on anything that can get me closer to where I want to be. But the reality is that I can’t do it all. If I try to take on everything, I know that my effort and energy toward each opportunity won’t be as strong and focused. How can I make the decision as to what opportunities I am going to take, and how do I decide which ones to turn down? -- I Want It All

DEAR I WANT IT ALL: Step back and get quiet. You have to figure out what you want to do now. I recommend a daily meditation in the morning. Sit quietly, take three deep cleansing breaths and be still. Give yourself permission to listen for the wisdom within. Set the intention that you want guidance for your future. Usually, when we slow down enough to listen, we get messages that help to guide our steps. Write down whatever comes up.

Follow your instincts, knowing that you must choose one idea at a time to develop. What seems the most promising? Claim that and work on cultivating it every day. Give yourself a deadline -- maybe 90 days -- to see what manifests. Then evaluate next steps from there. Remember: One idea at a time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)