life

Allergic Employee Tired of Glares From Co-Workers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 9th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I suffer from extreme allergies all year long, and I work at a factory. When I get into one of my sneezing or coughing spells, I can feel my co-workers cringe. I get it. Coughing and sneezing spread germs, and nobody wants to catch COVID-19. But we all take COVID tests once a week. I have never tested positive. I have allergies. Trust me -- it’s not easy to have them and have to wear a mask, which only makes it harder to breathe. But I wear it anyway, just like everybody else. How can I get my co-workers to stop glaring at me? It’s hard enough to be there when I’m not feeling well. I don’t appreciate the hostility. -- Stop Glaring

DEAR STOP GLARING: Make a sign to wear saying, “I HAVE ALLERGIES, NOT COVID.” Seriously, if allowed, you may want to do that. It indicates to people that you are not a source of germs that they need to worry about.

I can only imagine how challenging it is for you to have to deal with the daily glares. Continue to take your allergy medication. Get the vaccine whenever it comes your way -- with your doctor’s approval, since you have allergies -- and wear a sign if your supervisor allows it. It may cut back on the hostility.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 09, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 9th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to be better at keeping in touch with people. I used to pop by and visit folks in pre-COVID-19 days. That included people in my hometown when I went home to visit during the holidays, and people in my neighborhood or from previous jobs whenever I had some downtime. Now I’m at home all the time. When people pop into my mind, I realize that it has been a long time since we have caught up. Do you think it’s weird if I start randomly calling people I may not have talked to in a year? I don’t want to be annoying; I just want to check in. Being alone for months and months is taking a toll on me. I can only imagine that this is true for some of the people I know. -- Checking In

DEAR CHECKING IN: It is very kind and thoughtful for you to want to reconnect with people you haven’t seen or talked to in a long time. It is natural, given the limitations that we have had on personal engagement since March of last year. I would imagine that people you know and care about would appreciate you reaching out.

What I do to stay organized is to make a list of the people I care about and want to contact. By writing down the names, I commit to following through. By checking off the names, I know who I have called and who is left to reach. Get creative with your list. Think of elders, community leaders, family friends, high school friends, college buddies, former co-workers, etc. When you can, use technology to create an intimate connection by videoconferencing and even scheduling group chats. Make it fun and engaging. Your loved ones will appreciate it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friends Upset That Reader Won’t Attend Party

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 8th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a group of friends who have been my close buddies for years. They recently decided that they have had enough of COVID-19 and they are going to throw a party. They want to get together after months of isolation, and they decided to go for it. I’m usually the one to throw the biggest parties; I have never let a birthday or holiday or just-because event go by without gathering a huge group of people to eat, drink and dance. But I think this idea is crazy. Too many people have died from COVID-19, including my grandfather. I just can’t agree to this.

When I said no, my friends got so mad that they aren’t speaking to me now. That seems crazy to me. Do you think I’m being too strict? They have an invite list of like 100 people. I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I don’t want to risk it. -- Odd Man Out

DEAR ODD MAN OUT: I like to throw parties, just like you. But you are absolutely right to put on the brakes now. It simply is not party time -- certainly not for a crowd as big as 100 guests. If you listen to any of the medical experts, they are recommending that you limit your exposure to a handful of people who are part of your daily inner circle. Period. Because there is an upsurge in new cases of COVID-19 across the United States, which will result in a subsequent spike in deaths, hovering around 3,000 daily as I write this, this is no joke.

You are right to be cautious, and you should encourage your friends to be the same. Be patient. This period of some measure of quarantine has lasted far too long for anyone’s comfort, but we must continue to follow the rules if we hope to survive this pandemic.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 08, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 8th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been cleaning house, and I came across a bunch of old photos of me and my friends over the past 10 years or so. I have enjoyed recalling the different experiences, but I am also mortified looking at myself. I have been working like mad and doing little else, and now I look like I’ve been sitting on my butt for 10 years. I must have gained 50 pounds. How could I not have noticed that? I recall friends inviting me to go on walks with them or to join them on some weight-loss program or another, but honestly, it never occurred to me that the invitation was more for me than for them. I am so embarrassed that I have gotten to be this big. I need to turn my life around, but I’m worried that it’s too late. I’m already in my 50s. Can a middle-aged person shed 50 pounds in real life? -- No TV Movie

DEAR NO TV MOVIE: It is not just in the world of TV or fantasy that people shed significant weight. It is possible with exercise, healthy eating habits and discipline. Nobody said it would be easy, by the way, but many before you have successfully shed unwanted pounds -- and kept them off.

Go to your internist. Get a complete physical and guidance on how to start your weight-loss program. Enlist your friends to be cheerleaders, and follow a daily plan that will set you on your course. Two popular programs to consider are WW (formerly Weight Watchers), ww.com, and Whole30, whole30.com. Good luck!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Sibling Afraid of Playing Favorites With Family

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 7th, 2021 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate it when I hear that people play favorites in their family, but now I realize that I do it myself. I have several siblings, and as an adult, I see that I am much closer to one of them than the others. It happened naturally. When we were growing up, we spent a lot of time together. And, quite frankly, we genuinely like each other, so we enjoy talking. My other siblings have either not expressed much interest in me or have been downright mean or rude. I mostly ignored that negative behavior when I was younger, but now I realize that the impact is that I talk to only one sibling at the exclusion of the others. Is that wrong? Whenever I reach out to the others, I get my feelings hurt in one way or the other. Am I playing favorites by being close only to one of them? -- Playing Favorites

DEAR PLAYING FAVORITES: Generally, the concept of “playing favorites” refers to parents who do not treat their children equally. As a sibling, I think you get a pass in that department. Gravitating to a sibling who treats you in a loving, natural way is normal. If the others are mean or rude, it is also likely that you would not have cultivated a strong bond with them. That sounds more like survival skills kicking in than favoritism.

If your gut tells you that you could do more to cultivate a closer bond with your other siblings, give it a try. You don’t need to have the goal of matching your relationship with your other sibling. Instead, just reach out more and see if you can spark up a loving exchange with them as adults.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 07, 2021

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 7th, 2021 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so worried about how my family and I are going to make it in 2021. I have a temporary job now because my company went out of business during COVID-19. I have three children, and my wife works a low-wage job, too. We are seriously struggling. We have been too embarrassed to go to a food pantry or ask for help of any kind. That’s not how we were raised. But now I’m at my wit’s end. What can we do? -- In Need

DEAR IN NEED: COVID-19 has struck our families and communities in so many ways. I’m so sorry to hear about your challenges. Please know that there is no shame in asking for help. Indeed, you must advocate for yourself and your family. There are resources out there to support families in need, but you have to take the initiative to find them. First, make a list of what you need. Don’t be shy. Write down everything. If you are clear, it will help you when you are searching for support. Make another list of your skills and abilities. As you look for work, you will need to be able to state clearly how you can benefit a potential employer.

You can contact the government directly for help. Go to Health and Human Services at hhs.gov, which has different grants you can apply to for aid. Go to usa.gov and home.treasury.gov to find out about financial disaster relief. Beyond that, look into local charities and food banks. Do not hesitate. Thousands of families take advantage of the generosity of these organizations that give food to people every day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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