DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a group of friends who have been my close buddies for years. They recently decided that they have had enough of COVID-19 and they are going to throw a party. They want to get together after months of isolation, and they decided to go for it. I’m usually the one to throw the biggest parties; I have never let a birthday or holiday or just-because event go by without gathering a huge group of people to eat, drink and dance. But I think this idea is crazy. Too many people have died from COVID-19, including my grandfather. I just can’t agree to this.

When I said no, my friends got so mad that they aren’t speaking to me now. That seems crazy to me. Do you think I’m being too strict? They have an invite list of like 100 people. I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I don’t want to risk it. -- Odd Man Out

DEAR ODD MAN OUT: I like to throw parties, just like you. But you are absolutely right to put on the brakes now. It simply is not party time -- certainly not for a crowd as big as 100 guests. If you listen to any of the medical experts, they are recommending that you limit your exposure to a handful of people who are part of your daily inner circle. Period. Because there is an upsurge in new cases of COVID-19 across the United States, which will result in a subsequent spike in deaths, hovering around 3,000 daily as I write this, this is no joke.

You are right to be cautious, and you should encourage your friends to be the same. Be patient. This period of some measure of quarantine has lasted far too long for anyone’s comfort, but we must continue to follow the rules if we hope to survive this pandemic.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been cleaning house, and I came across a bunch of old photos of me and my friends over the past 10 years or so. I have enjoyed recalling the different experiences, but I am also mortified looking at myself. I have been working like mad and doing little else, and now I look like I’ve been sitting on my butt for 10 years. I must have gained 50 pounds. How could I not have noticed that? I recall friends inviting me to go on walks with them or to join them on some weight-loss program or another, but honestly, it never occurred to me that the invitation was more for me than for them. I am so embarrassed that I have gotten to be this big. I need to turn my life around, but I’m worried that it’s too late. I’m already in my 50s. Can a middle-aged person shed 50 pounds in real life? -- No TV Movie

DEAR NO TV MOVIE: It is not just in the world of TV or fantasy that people shed significant weight. It is possible with exercise, healthy eating habits and discipline. Nobody said it would be easy, by the way, but many before you have successfully shed unwanted pounds -- and kept them off.

Go to your internist. Get a complete physical and guidance on how to start your weight-loss program. Enlist your friends to be cheerleaders, and follow a daily plan that will set you on your course. Two popular programs to consider are WW (formerly Weight Watchers), ww.com, and Whole30, whole30.com. Good luck!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate it when I hear that people play favorites in their family, but now I realize that I do it myself. I have several siblings, and as an adult, I see that I am much closer to one of them than the others. It happened naturally. When we were growing up, we spent a lot of time together. And, quite frankly, we genuinely like each other, so we enjoy talking. My other siblings have either not expressed much interest in me or have been downright mean or rude. I mostly ignored that negative behavior when I was younger, but now I realize that the impact is that I talk to only one sibling at the exclusion of the others. Is that wrong? Whenever I reach out to the others, I get my feelings hurt in one way or the other. Am I playing favorites by being close only to one of them? -- Playing Favorites

DEAR PLAYING FAVORITES: Generally, the concept of “playing favorites” refers to parents who do not treat their children equally. As a sibling, I think you get a pass in that department. Gravitating to a sibling who treats you in a loving, natural way is normal. If the others are mean or rude, it is also likely that you would not have cultivated a strong bond with them. That sounds more like survival skills kicking in than favoritism.

If your gut tells you that you could do more to cultivate a closer bond with your other siblings, give it a try. You don’t need to have the goal of matching your relationship with your other sibling. Instead, just reach out more and see if you can spark up a loving exchange with them as adults.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so worried about how my family and I are going to make it in 2021. I have a temporary job now because my company went out of business during COVID-19. I have three children, and my wife works a low-wage job, too. We are seriously struggling. We have been too embarrassed to go to a food pantry or ask for help of any kind. That’s not how we were raised. But now I’m at my wit’s end. What can we do? -- In Need

DEAR IN NEED: COVID-19 has struck our families and communities in so many ways. I’m so sorry to hear about your challenges. Please know that there is no shame in asking for help. Indeed, you must advocate for yourself and your family. There are resources out there to support families in need, but you have to take the initiative to find them. First, make a list of what you need. Don’t be shy. Write down everything. If you are clear, it will help you when you are searching for support. Make another list of your skills and abilities. As you look for work, you will need to be able to state clearly how you can benefit a potential employer.

You can contact the government directly for help. Go to Health and Human Services at hhs.gov, which has different grants you can apply to for aid. Go to usa.gov and home.treasury.gov to find out about financial disaster relief. Beyond that, look into local charities and food banks. Do not hesitate. Thousands of families take advantage of the generosity of these organizations that give food to people every day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I get involved with the community during the pandemic? I don’t have much money to give, but I have always been big on providing assistance directly through volunteering. With COVID-19, I am not comfortable going anywhere in public. I know there are still people out there with nowhere to go who need help, especially now that it’s winter and the infection rate is beginning to rise again. I want to do my part and be a part of the community, but I’m just not sure what I can do. Do you know of any organizations I can get involved with while staying safe? -- Stop the Spread

DEAR STOP THE SPREAD: Thank you for your generous spirit. Is it important to want to help others and to take that extra step to do so, especially during times like these. Thank goodness you are not alone in your desire to support people who are struggling during this time. Start by thinking of what you feel comfortable doing based on your level of risk or exposure to others. Some people feel comfortable putting on a mask and going to help sort food at a food kitchen. Others are leery of being in enclosed environments with other people. Consider your comfort level.

Go online to look for volunteer opportunities. They are plentiful, both nationally and locally. Often, local community centers, charitable organizations and houses of worship offer aid to people in need -- and, therefore, need helping hands. Some organizations that may help direct your steps include powerof.org, nationalservice.gov and mealsonwheelsamerica.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I are going through a patch where we want to be 100% honest with each other about our pasts so we can fully understand each other and what we have been through. She’s been so forthcoming and raw with me; some things hurt to hear, but I honestly feel better now that I know. I feel closer to her.

I now know that my past is about three times as bad as hers, and I am nervous that she won’t love me the same or will look at me differently if I tell her everything. I don’t want to lose her. Should I tell her absolutely everything like we agreed, or should I hold back a little to lessen the blow? -- Heavy Past

DEAR HEAVY PAST: Take it one day at a time. Without intending to withhold information, share bits with her incrementally so that she has time to digest the information and ask questions. If you want to build a life with your girlfriend, transparency is essential -- but it doesn’t have to be a brain dump all at one time. Share key stories with her that show what you have done and what you learned from your behavior. It can help to reveal lessons learned and improved behavior, especially if you have had a troubled past. You can also tell her that it is hard for you to be so forthcoming, given that your life has been difficult.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)