DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate it when I hear that people play favorites in their family, but now I realize that I do it myself. I have several siblings, and as an adult, I see that I am much closer to one of them than the others. It happened naturally. When we were growing up, we spent a lot of time together. And, quite frankly, we genuinely like each other, so we enjoy talking. My other siblings have either not expressed much interest in me or have been downright mean or rude. I mostly ignored that negative behavior when I was younger, but now I realize that the impact is that I talk to only one sibling at the exclusion of the others. Is that wrong? Whenever I reach out to the others, I get my feelings hurt in one way or the other. Am I playing favorites by being close only to one of them? -- Playing Favorites

DEAR PLAYING FAVORITES: Generally, the concept of “playing favorites” refers to parents who do not treat their children equally. As a sibling, I think you get a pass in that department. Gravitating to a sibling who treats you in a loving, natural way is normal. If the others are mean or rude, it is also likely that you would not have cultivated a strong bond with them. That sounds more like survival skills kicking in than favoritism.

If your gut tells you that you could do more to cultivate a closer bond with your other siblings, give it a try. You don’t need to have the goal of matching your relationship with your other sibling. Instead, just reach out more and see if you can spark up a loving exchange with them as adults.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so worried about how my family and I are going to make it in 2021. I have a temporary job now because my company went out of business during COVID-19. I have three children, and my wife works a low-wage job, too. We are seriously struggling. We have been too embarrassed to go to a food pantry or ask for help of any kind. That’s not how we were raised. But now I’m at my wit’s end. What can we do? -- In Need

DEAR IN NEED: COVID-19 has struck our families and communities in so many ways. I’m so sorry to hear about your challenges. Please know that there is no shame in asking for help. Indeed, you must advocate for yourself and your family. There are resources out there to support families in need, but you have to take the initiative to find them. First, make a list of what you need. Don’t be shy. Write down everything. If you are clear, it will help you when you are searching for support. Make another list of your skills and abilities. As you look for work, you will need to be able to state clearly how you can benefit a potential employer.

You can contact the government directly for help. Go to Health and Human Services at hhs.gov, which has different grants you can apply to for aid. Go to usa.gov and home.treasury.gov to find out about financial disaster relief. Beyond that, look into local charities and food banks. Do not hesitate. Thousands of families take advantage of the generosity of these organizations that give food to people every day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I get involved with the community during the pandemic? I don’t have much money to give, but I have always been big on providing assistance directly through volunteering. With COVID-19, I am not comfortable going anywhere in public. I know there are still people out there with nowhere to go who need help, especially now that it’s winter and the infection rate is beginning to rise again. I want to do my part and be a part of the community, but I’m just not sure what I can do. Do you know of any organizations I can get involved with while staying safe? -- Stop the Spread

DEAR STOP THE SPREAD: Thank you for your generous spirit. Is it important to want to help others and to take that extra step to do so, especially during times like these. Thank goodness you are not alone in your desire to support people who are struggling during this time. Start by thinking of what you feel comfortable doing based on your level of risk or exposure to others. Some people feel comfortable putting on a mask and going to help sort food at a food kitchen. Others are leery of being in enclosed environments with other people. Consider your comfort level.

Go online to look for volunteer opportunities. They are plentiful, both nationally and locally. Often, local community centers, charitable organizations and houses of worship offer aid to people in need -- and, therefore, need helping hands. Some organizations that may help direct your steps include powerof.org, nationalservice.gov and mealsonwheelsamerica.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I are going through a patch where we want to be 100% honest with each other about our pasts so we can fully understand each other and what we have been through. She’s been so forthcoming and raw with me; some things hurt to hear, but I honestly feel better now that I know. I feel closer to her.

I now know that my past is about three times as bad as hers, and I am nervous that she won’t love me the same or will look at me differently if I tell her everything. I don’t want to lose her. Should I tell her absolutely everything like we agreed, or should I hold back a little to lessen the blow? -- Heavy Past

DEAR HEAVY PAST: Take it one day at a time. Without intending to withhold information, share bits with her incrementally so that she has time to digest the information and ask questions. If you want to build a life with your girlfriend, transparency is essential -- but it doesn’t have to be a brain dump all at one time. Share key stories with her that show what you have done and what you learned from your behavior. It can help to reveal lessons learned and improved behavior, especially if you have had a troubled past. You can also tell her that it is hard for you to be so forthcoming, given that your life has been difficult.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating this guy for four months. He finally told me he wants to get exclusive, which means introducing me to the most important person in his life: his daughter. This is the first I am hearing of a daughter. He never mentioned her when I met him. It’s a complete surprise, and I don’t know what to do now. She is still young, and having me in her life is huge because I know the type of influence people can have on kids at that age. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.

I don’t date much, and he is the first guy I’ve seen this consistently. I feel like this information can be the end of us -- but I don’t want that. A kid is a huge factor, and I respect that. How can I make this work and bring myself to be ready for dating a guy with a child? -- Potential Stepmother

DEAR POTENTIAL STEPMOTHER: Just because your boyfriend is ready for you to meet his daughter doesn’t mean you are. And that’s fine. It’s time for you two to get serious. I’m sure he has been thinking long and hard about whether it is safe to introduce anyone to his young child. From that perspective, you can put on the brakes. Explain that this is your first time learning of her. Ask him why he chose not to tell you. Learn more about the situation, including his relationship with the child’s mother, her living arrangements, etc. Get a sense of his intentions. Let him know your concerns, especially since it is early in your relationship -- and too early to make a family commitment.

If you like him enough to be exclusive, say that. Tell him that you want to take it slow and be sure that you are ready for the big step of caring for a child before you meet her. Take your time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a perfectionist. She goes above and beyond when completing both simple and difficult tasks. It has become an issue for our family’s routines. She spends extra time doing things that should take no time. If she doesn’t like something, she will completely start over. The worst part of it all is that if the family tries to stop her from doing something, she will totally lose it and have a meltdown. She has done this at school with teachers, in public at the store and at games and practices, to the point where her coach has benched her for multiple games because she can’t compose herself.

Now that we have been home all year, I’ve had a closer look at her tendencies, and I think she might have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I’ve been trying to seek out help for her, but I don’t know where to turn. A doctor? A therapist? Any idea how I can get her some help? -- Perfectionist

DEAR PERFECTIONIST: Start with your daughter’s pediatrician. Schedule a physical for her, and speak to the doctor separately about your concerns. Ask for guidance for testing your daughter for OCD or any other psychological disorder. Get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. There are tests that can reveal what’s happening with your daughter and methods to support her should she need it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)