DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I get involved with the community during the pandemic? I don’t have much money to give, but I have always been big on providing assistance directly through volunteering. With COVID-19, I am not comfortable going anywhere in public. I know there are still people out there with nowhere to go who need help, especially now that it’s winter and the infection rate is beginning to rise again. I want to do my part and be a part of the community, but I’m just not sure what I can do. Do you know of any organizations I can get involved with while staying safe? -- Stop the Spread

DEAR STOP THE SPREAD: Thank you for your generous spirit. Is it important to want to help others and to take that extra step to do so, especially during times like these. Thank goodness you are not alone in your desire to support people who are struggling during this time. Start by thinking of what you feel comfortable doing based on your level of risk or exposure to others. Some people feel comfortable putting on a mask and going to help sort food at a food kitchen. Others are leery of being in enclosed environments with other people. Consider your comfort level.

Go online to look for volunteer opportunities. They are plentiful, both nationally and locally. Often, local community centers, charitable organizations and houses of worship offer aid to people in need -- and, therefore, need helping hands. Some organizations that may help direct your steps include powerof.org, nationalservice.gov and mealsonwheelsamerica.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I are going through a patch where we want to be 100% honest with each other about our pasts so we can fully understand each other and what we have been through. She’s been so forthcoming and raw with me; some things hurt to hear, but I honestly feel better now that I know. I feel closer to her.

I now know that my past is about three times as bad as hers, and I am nervous that she won’t love me the same or will look at me differently if I tell her everything. I don’t want to lose her. Should I tell her absolutely everything like we agreed, or should I hold back a little to lessen the blow? -- Heavy Past

DEAR HEAVY PAST: Take it one day at a time. Without intending to withhold information, share bits with her incrementally so that she has time to digest the information and ask questions. If you want to build a life with your girlfriend, transparency is essential -- but it doesn’t have to be a brain dump all at one time. Share key stories with her that show what you have done and what you learned from your behavior. It can help to reveal lessons learned and improved behavior, especially if you have had a troubled past. You can also tell her that it is hard for you to be so forthcoming, given that your life has been difficult.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating this guy for four months. He finally told me he wants to get exclusive, which means introducing me to the most important person in his life: his daughter. This is the first I am hearing of a daughter. He never mentioned her when I met him. It’s a complete surprise, and I don’t know what to do now. She is still young, and having me in her life is huge because I know the type of influence people can have on kids at that age. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.

I don’t date much, and he is the first guy I’ve seen this consistently. I feel like this information can be the end of us -- but I don’t want that. A kid is a huge factor, and I respect that. How can I make this work and bring myself to be ready for dating a guy with a child? -- Potential Stepmother

DEAR POTENTIAL STEPMOTHER: Just because your boyfriend is ready for you to meet his daughter doesn’t mean you are. And that’s fine. It’s time for you two to get serious. I’m sure he has been thinking long and hard about whether it is safe to introduce anyone to his young child. From that perspective, you can put on the brakes. Explain that this is your first time learning of her. Ask him why he chose not to tell you. Learn more about the situation, including his relationship with the child’s mother, her living arrangements, etc. Get a sense of his intentions. Let him know your concerns, especially since it is early in your relationship -- and too early to make a family commitment.

If you like him enough to be exclusive, say that. Tell him that you want to take it slow and be sure that you are ready for the big step of caring for a child before you meet her. Take your time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a perfectionist. She goes above and beyond when completing both simple and difficult tasks. It has become an issue for our family’s routines. She spends extra time doing things that should take no time. If she doesn’t like something, she will completely start over. The worst part of it all is that if the family tries to stop her from doing something, she will totally lose it and have a meltdown. She has done this at school with teachers, in public at the store and at games and practices, to the point where her coach has benched her for multiple games because she can’t compose herself.

Now that we have been home all year, I’ve had a closer look at her tendencies, and I think she might have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I’ve been trying to seek out help for her, but I don’t know where to turn. A doctor? A therapist? Any idea how I can get her some help? -- Perfectionist

DEAR PERFECTIONIST: Start with your daughter’s pediatrician. Schedule a physical for her, and speak to the doctor separately about your concerns. Ask for guidance for testing your daughter for OCD or any other psychological disorder. Get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. There are tests that can reveal what’s happening with your daughter and methods to support her should she need it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need help saying no to my best friend. She stays over at my house all the time, eats my food and uses my car whenever she gets a chance. She can’t hold a job if she doesn’t “love” it. When we go out, she always has an excuse not to pay, and she orders the most expensive bill while the rest of her friends pay for her.

My friends and I juggle taking care of her, and I am ready to cut off any sort of help. She’s taking it too far, and I'm ready to explode. She’s a mooch, and we aren’t her parents. I don’t want her to fail in life, but she needs to take care of herself. What do we do? -- Mooching Friend

DEAR MOOCHING FRIEND: It’s time for you to rethink what “best friend” means. It should mean that you look out for each other. It should not be a one-way street. You are not doing either her or yourself any favors by bailing her out all the time. You are not responsible for your friend’s survival. She is.

Sit down and talk to her. Tell her how disappointed you are that she still does not take care of herself. Explain that you will no longer be able to support her and that it’s time for her to take care of herself. You may want to stage this as an intervention with your other friends so that she is clear that this is serious and includes your whole friend group. Then -- the tough part -- you have to let her fall and pick herself up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live with another couple. We moved in, and three months later the other couple started traveling; they haven’t been back to the apartment since August. We had maybe two or three disagreements that required a house meeting, but I didn’t think it was bad enough for them to want to move out.

Last week, one of them texted me and said that they were both off the lease -- just like that. All four of us have been trying to terminate the lease with this landlord for poor upkeep of our home, so I was confused that they took only the other couple off the lease and told us nothing. I contacted the landlord to figure out what was going on, and he said that no one is off the lease and they have not contacted him at all. Now I’m just confused. What is going on? They left for several months, haven’t made contact and now they say they are off the lease. I feel like they are trying to manipulate us, but for what? What do I do from here in this strange situation? -- Lying Couple

DEAR LYING COUPLE: It is time for legal intervention. To get out of your lease, you have to follow certain procedures. Gather your paperwork in support of why you want to leave your home. Gather proof of the other couple's negligence as well as the landlord’s. Hire a lawyer if you can. Go to housing court and file a suit against your landlord, your roommates, or all of the above.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)