DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating this guy for four months. He finally told me he wants to get exclusive, which means introducing me to the most important person in his life: his daughter. This is the first I am hearing of a daughter. He never mentioned her when I met him. It’s a complete surprise, and I don’t know what to do now. She is still young, and having me in her life is huge because I know the type of influence people can have on kids at that age. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.

I don’t date much, and he is the first guy I’ve seen this consistently. I feel like this information can be the end of us -- but I don’t want that. A kid is a huge factor, and I respect that. How can I make this work and bring myself to be ready for dating a guy with a child? -- Potential Stepmother

DEAR POTENTIAL STEPMOTHER: Just because your boyfriend is ready for you to meet his daughter doesn’t mean you are. And that’s fine. It’s time for you two to get serious. I’m sure he has been thinking long and hard about whether it is safe to introduce anyone to his young child. From that perspective, you can put on the brakes. Explain that this is your first time learning of her. Ask him why he chose not to tell you. Learn more about the situation, including his relationship with the child’s mother, her living arrangements, etc. Get a sense of his intentions. Let him know your concerns, especially since it is early in your relationship -- and too early to make a family commitment.

If you like him enough to be exclusive, say that. Tell him that you want to take it slow and be sure that you are ready for the big step of caring for a child before you meet her. Take your time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a perfectionist. She goes above and beyond when completing both simple and difficult tasks. It has become an issue for our family’s routines. She spends extra time doing things that should take no time. If she doesn’t like something, she will completely start over. The worst part of it all is that if the family tries to stop her from doing something, she will totally lose it and have a meltdown. She has done this at school with teachers, in public at the store and at games and practices, to the point where her coach has benched her for multiple games because she can’t compose herself.

Now that we have been home all year, I’ve had a closer look at her tendencies, and I think she might have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I’ve been trying to seek out help for her, but I don’t know where to turn. A doctor? A therapist? Any idea how I can get her some help? -- Perfectionist

DEAR PERFECTIONIST: Start with your daughter’s pediatrician. Schedule a physical for her, and speak to the doctor separately about your concerns. Ask for guidance for testing your daughter for OCD or any other psychological disorder. Get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. There are tests that can reveal what’s happening with your daughter and methods to support her should she need it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need help saying no to my best friend. She stays over at my house all the time, eats my food and uses my car whenever she gets a chance. She can’t hold a job if she doesn’t “love” it. When we go out, she always has an excuse not to pay, and she orders the most expensive bill while the rest of her friends pay for her.

My friends and I juggle taking care of her, and I am ready to cut off any sort of help. She’s taking it too far, and I'm ready to explode. She’s a mooch, and we aren’t her parents. I don’t want her to fail in life, but she needs to take care of herself. What do we do? -- Mooching Friend

DEAR MOOCHING FRIEND: It’s time for you to rethink what “best friend” means. It should mean that you look out for each other. It should not be a one-way street. You are not doing either her or yourself any favors by bailing her out all the time. You are not responsible for your friend’s survival. She is.

Sit down and talk to her. Tell her how disappointed you are that she still does not take care of herself. Explain that you will no longer be able to support her and that it’s time for her to take care of herself. You may want to stage this as an intervention with your other friends so that she is clear that this is serious and includes your whole friend group. Then -- the tough part -- you have to let her fall and pick herself up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I live with another couple. We moved in, and three months later the other couple started traveling; they haven’t been back to the apartment since August. We had maybe two or three disagreements that required a house meeting, but I didn’t think it was bad enough for them to want to move out.

Last week, one of them texted me and said that they were both off the lease -- just like that. All four of us have been trying to terminate the lease with this landlord for poor upkeep of our home, so I was confused that they took only the other couple off the lease and told us nothing. I contacted the landlord to figure out what was going on, and he said that no one is off the lease and they have not contacted him at all. Now I’m just confused. What is going on? They left for several months, haven’t made contact and now they say they are off the lease. I feel like they are trying to manipulate us, but for what? What do I do from here in this strange situation? -- Lying Couple

DEAR LYING COUPLE: It is time for legal intervention. To get out of your lease, you have to follow certain procedures. Gather your paperwork in support of why you want to leave your home. Gather proof of the other couple's negligence as well as the landlord’s. Hire a lawyer if you can. Go to housing court and file a suit against your landlord, your roommates, or all of the above.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: New York City will be closing indoor-dining restaurants and will be allowing only takeout orders and outdoor dining. It is now winter; outdoor dining is not really something that I imagine people will still want to do, unless they go to places that have heated patios.

Unfortunately, a lot of smaller businesses are afraid that they may face having to go out of business. What are your viewpoints on the pandemic and small businesses this winter? How do you think they will be affected? Do you believe landlords will cut business owners some slack due to the pandemic? I’m thinking about all of my favorite mom-and-pop shops that I know I will be trying to support this winter as much as I can because I do not want them to go away. -- Make It Through the Winter

DEAR MAKE IT THROUGH THE WINTER: The pandemic has dramatically and negatively impacted many small businesses, especially restaurants. This is true in New York City and beyond. The good news is that there is light on the horizon if vaccines reach enough people and have a positive impact.

Yet not all businesses will be able to hold on. What I hope is that landlords and small businesses will get creative and work together to ride this out. Of course, not all will do this -- but the alternative seems particularly grim. When landlords evict tenants today, it’s not so easy to find a replacement. Thousands of small businesses are suffering. So, ideally folks on both sides will work together toward a realistic outcome for all. Sadly, not all businesses will survive. We have already lost hundreds of thousands of businesses across our great country. Those who can get creative along with those who have deeper pockets may be poised to survive.

As consumers, we can do our part by frequenting as many of our favorite businesses as we can during these unprecedented times.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I keep in touch with my first ex-boyfriend. We have both gone on to build families and have great lives. Recently, he asked me to be a guest speaker at one of his classes, and I’m excited to do it. I’m wondering how I should identify myself. We are middle-aged people who have known each other for almost our whole lives, but he also holds a very special place in my heart because he was my first love. His class is a group of high schoolers, the same age we were when we dated. Am I traveling too far down memory lane to want to bring this up when I meet his class? Should I just keep it professional? What is appropriate? -- Who Am I?

DEAR WHO AM I?: Why not take your friend’s lead? Let him introduce you to his students and state who you are and your relationship to him. When you speak, you can say that you two have been friends since high school, but don’t go into the romantic side of it. Stay professional. Stay focused on the lesson that you are imparting. You can add that it is important to maintain relationships over the years with the people you value. You two are a perfect example of that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)