DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a gay college student, and I think I have found my soulmate. We are engaged. I want to tell my parents that I found someone I love, but I have no idea if they even know that I am gay. My parents are very supportive and we are close, so I know I can talk to them, but the topic has never really come up.

Now I am ready for the next chapter in my life, and I’m not sure how to go about it. I don’t know If I should just introduce them to my fiancé, or if I should tell them about my sexual orientation first. I just want them to love him as much as I do. What’s the right way to share my news? -- Gay and Engaged

DEAR GAY AND ENGAGED: I think any parent would be surprised to learn that their child is engaged if they hadn’t heard about or even met the fiance yet. I suggest that you slow down and think about your approach. What would be the most welcoming and respectful way to introduce this person that you love so much to your parents?

 I recommend that you start with a face-to-face conversation (or videoconference, if necessary), where you tell them that you have news to share. First, tell them that you are gay. You can ask them if they already knew. Sometimes parents have a sense of who their children are even before their children know. Talk about your sexual orientation. Answer whatever questions they have. Listen closely so that you can be fully present with them in this conversation.

If they seem accepting of your life as it is, tell them that you have met someone special you would like for them to meet. You can talk about your partner and about what makes you compatible. I would wait to say that you are engaged. Give them a chance to meet your partner and develop a relationship before you introduce the subject of marriage. (I would make the same recommendation if you were straight.)

In time, you can share that you want to marry your partner and that you are engaged. Be prepared for questions about your plans for the future. You are in college. Chances are your parents will want you to complete school before you marry. This may be a challenging point of negotiation. Know that it is common for parents to want their children to get grounded academically and financially before marriage. If you make a different choice, be prepared to sort it out over time. Don’t take their desire for you to move slowly as a negation of your sexual orientation. It is more likely about making sure you are ready to fully step into adulthood.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find it so difficult to get my children to send thank-you notes after they receive gifts. They enjoy what they receive and then move on without that important act of acknowledgment. I have tried to get them to close the loop, but it’s hard. Christmas is coming, and I want them to take this seriously. What strategy can I use to be successful? -- Expressing Gratitude

DEAR EXPRESSING GRATITUDE: Let your children know that just as they often stay up in anticipation of what Santa will bring, they will have to stay up on Christmas night writing their thank-you notes. Otherwise, you will have them pack up their gifts and keep them packed away until the notes are completed. The immediacy and shock of this new discipline will likely get them to change their ways. Rather than making it a punishment, you should sit with them and encourage them so that they learn to enjoy this act of gratitude.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a call center with close cubicles. My employer has upgraded them by adding plastic guards between each of us, and we are required to wear masks in cooperation in stopping the spread of the pandemic. But there is this one co-worker that is insensitive to the pandemic. She sits right next to me, and to my knowledge, she does have allergies. She has often come to the office coughing and sneezing but says she is not sick. This past week, she was sitting at her desk and walking around the office with her mask not covering her nose, only her mouth.

I feel that she should be more considerate of her co-workers during these sensitive times. I am uncomfortable working near her. Though she may not be truly sick, it is common courtesy to follow the health and safety procedures, and she does not. I just don’t think she cares about others becoming sick. How do I approach this situation? Do I say something to her or complain to my supervisor? -- Germy Co-worker

DEAR GERMY CO-WORKER: Go directly to your supervisor. Point out your concerns. Especially now that COVID-19 has once again reached critical highs, you are right to worry about your health and that of your other co-workers and family. Have specific examples of the ways in which this co-worker is violating company policy and safety precautions during COVID-19. Explain that you are doubly concerned because this woman who is not compliant sits next to you. Ask for her to be reprimanded and for either you or her to be moved so that you no longer sit beside each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a huge bonus from my job recently. I couldn’t be happier. I have been working like crazy this year to help my company stay strong during the pandemic. I feel weird, though, because I know that other family members and friends have not had such good fortune.

I want to tell my loved ones, but I don’t want to be insensitive. I was also thinking it would be nice to give each of them a monetary gift for Christmas in addition to whatever else I might give, but I don’t want to offend anyone. How can I handle this? -- Feeling Generous

DEAR FEELING GENEROUS: Now might be a time to keep awareness of your good fortune to yourself. You should definitely put some of the money away in a savings or investment instrument. I heard Magic Johnson recently say that we should save as much money as we can right now because the future is very much in flux.

But to the point of caring for your family, I think a monetary gift would be welcome, especially if you present it well. Why not write a note to each recipient expressing your love and admiration for them? Enclosed in the note can be cash, a check or a gift card in whatever amount you are prepared to offer. If you are asked how you were able to make that gift, tell them you received a bonus at work and wanted to share it with them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married to my husband for about three years now. We are still in our 20s. My husband has some questionable habits I have noticed now that we have begun living together. He’s saying things differently and acting differently. I feel like he’s letting his guard down, and I’m seeing the real him. I think the real him is gay. I never got that feeling before we got married, but everything just seems different now. I’m not sure what to do with this feeling.

I’m convinced he wants to be with a man, but he is with me, and it makes me feel like I don’t want to be with him anymore. If I bring it up and it's true, I lose him. If he’s not, he will probably never feel the same about me. Either way, I’m not sure I can feel the same about him after having these thoughts. The idea makes me lose either way. Should I ask him? How do I deal with this mentally? -- Wrong Team Player

DEAR WRONG TEAM PLAYER: Being suspicious of your husband without saying anything will not lead to a positive end. Especially, early in your marriage, it is important for you to be open with each other as you get to know each other better.

You haven’t said exactly what your husband is doing that is questionable. Whatever it is, make a list. Then look at it to determine whether you are being overly sensitive or your concerns are potentially justified.

Talk to your husband. Tell him that you have noticed that he is behaving differently, and it is making you uncomfortable. Point out whatever those actions are. Then ask him. Yes, you actually should ask him directly whether he is gay -- if that remains your suspicion. If you ask without being confrontational, you have a better chance of getting an honest answer. Tell him why you are suspicious. You can add that you love him and that you want him to be happy. If it is in his soul to be with another man, it is important for him to figure that out now. You may need counseling to help you work through this.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a cousin who is single and older. She led an isolated life before COVID-19, and it has only gotten worse now. She calls me at all different times to talk and then goes on and on without really listening. I usually take her calls, but I find her to be a drain on my energy.

I feel bad during this season of giving that I am not feeling so generous toward her. How can I step out of my selfishness and be more attentive? What I really want to do is not pick up. -- Not Feeling Generous

DEAR NOT FEELING GENEROUS: Thank you for your honesty. It can be hard to feel welcoming to needy people. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It means you are honest with yourself. Going one step further, you can open your heart a bit more to this cousin. Engage empathy. Remind yourself that she is alone. Studies have proven that isolation can lead to all kinds of actual illnesses. People do need to be connected to each other in meaningful ways. This includes your cousin.

So, while you may not be available to talk to her whenever she calls, be conscious about making time for her. Let her know you love her and that you think about her often. When she reaches out, do not ignore her, even if you can't talk at that moment. Be sure to follow up when you are available. That thoughtfulness can go a long way. But know that you do not always have to pick up for her or anyone else. You can engage when it works best for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)