DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I are getting a divorce. It scares me to know that after years of marriage we have to part ways. We have kids, and that makes our situation more difficult. I know typically the mom gets custody of the kids, and I will only get to see them on the weekends. I’m afraid that unless a holiday falls on a Saturday or Sunday, I will not get to see them then, either.

I know these things can be sorted out with a lawyer, but I know my ex-wife will have reasons to make this case swing in her favor, and they will be hitting below the belt. I just want the best chance to see my kids just as much as her without a lengthy and brutal custody war. How can I make sure my ex-wife plays fair and won’t selfishly try to take my kids away from me? -- Fighting for My Kids

DEAR FIGHTING FOR MY KIDS: Typically, divorces are difficult, and emotions run high. If you have the ability to stay calm during this process, everyone will benefit. Start by apologizing for whatever your role has been in the demise of your marriage. Usually both partners have done things that led to the breakup. Own up to your part and apologize for hurting her and the family in any way. Tell your soon-to-be-ex that you want to co-parent with her. This is important to you, and you want to work out the details directly with her, if at all possible.

Think about an arrangement that could work for you both based on your schedules and bandwidth. Step up and show her that you are serious about caring for your children. The more you show maturity and long-term thinking, the better the chance you have of working out an amicable agreement with her directly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently watched a stand-up act of one of my favorite comedians. Comedians’ families typically take the worst hits from their jokes that people love to hear. But this joke didn't make me laugh the same way as the others. This comedian called his young daughter a “ho.”

Following this comedian and seeing and hearing about his family often, it made me uncomfortable to hear. It offended me and caught me off guard. I mean, the whole bit was funny, but it just made me wonder why and how could he even say that about her, regardless of his career. I feel like the joke hurt his reputation and said more about his morals than it added to his career and success. What are your thoughts on comedians making uncomfortable comments for a living? Do you believe there is a significant impact in their personal lives? -- Bad Joker

DEAR BAD JOKER: I do not like jokes about family members that are disparaging. While they can be hysterical, they often hurt the victim’s psyche. I also think that minors should be off limits, and young adults should be too.

How you can make your voice heard on this point is to write to the comedian and express your views. Ask for him to stop. Tell him how much you like his comedy and point out where you think he should draw the line. You never know: Your voice may be heard.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is only 7 years old, and I think he is experiencing puberty already. He explained to me what an erection is, but he doesn’t understand why it happens when it does. I have been so nervous about the coming questions because of his age. I’m worried that he will begin to understand what it means. He’s way too young to experience those types of feelings and urges. I was prepared to have this conversation when he was 13 years old. What do I do, and how do I explain what is happening to him, while ensuring his innocence for a few more years? -- Mama’s Growing Boy

DEAR MAMA’S GROWING BOY: I did some reading on this subject, and I am happy to report that you shouldn’t have anything to be worried about. Medical professionals say that it is natural for a young child to occasionally have an erection. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he is going into puberty prematurely.

The wisdom I gleaned suggests that you tell your son the basics about his body, starting with the fact that the penis (yes, call it by its name) has the primary function of urinating. That’s what it’s for. Add to that: occasionally it changes in shape and size. Just like an eye twitch or a kneejerk, it sometimes moves or changes a bit. It always comes back to normal after a while.

Experts suggest that you need not talk about what an erection is and how the penis functions as a sexual organ when your child is that young. However, they do suggest that you let your son know that no one should touch his penis other than himself; that he should keep it clean; and that because it is his private area, he should not expose it to others. For more information about puberty go to: pediatricgroup.com/puberty_boys.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked my husband if we could have a moratorium on watching the news during the holidays. He thought I was crazy. He is glued to political news, day in and day out. I want a break. I hate walking into the room and listening to the pundits drone on about the issues and how bad the other side is. What can I do to get some peace in my house? -- Turn It Off

DEAR TURN IT OFF: If you have more than one TV in your house, ask your husband to watch his news in a room other than the family room. If he watches in your bedroom, ask him to turn it off before it’s time for you to go to bed -- or better yet, in another room.

Acknowledge that you know that he is addicted to the news, but that you need a respite from it. My mentor told me that while she does listen to the news every day, she stops after 8 p.m. She said that if she continues watching into the night, it negatively impacts her sleep. Work with your husband to create boundaries around the TV. Perhaps that will give you at least some of the peace that you crave.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I really put my foot in my mouth. I was celebrating a member of my family when I was speaking in a public forum, and I said something that hurt my aunt’s feelings. I feel so bad about that. My intent was to raise her up and let people know how great I think she is. I have apologized, but I wonder if there’s anything else I can do. She said it was all right, but she definitely was not happy when we talked about it. -- Mend a Fence

DEAR MEND A FENCE: What occurred is over. What happens in the future, you can control. Do you know exactly why your aunt was hurt? Was it what you said or how you said it? Be clear on the nature of the offense; otherwise, you could unwittingly repeat it. Moving forward, do not tell stories about people in your life, naming names, unless you have checked with them first. Make sure that they agree to have their identities revealed before you talk about them in a public forum.

I say that, all the while knowing that one of my favorite writers, David Sedaris, writes in detail about his family all the time -- without their permission. And he has said that sometimes they get mad. He does it anyway. Even though he has made millions of dollars off of what some might call exploiting his family, I don’t recommend it. Check with them first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have several family members who are mad at me. A week before Thanksgiving, they asked if they could come to dinner at my house. At that point, the authorities were already saying that it was unsafe to do. So, I put the kibosh on it right then and there. One of my nieces told me that I was being selfish and that she was never going to visit me again. I held my ground. I am in my 60s with several health challenges, and I thought I should follow the guidelines. Then I saw that lots of people didn’t. Travel skyrocketed during Thanksgiving. I pray that we don’t have too many people getting sick behind it. Meanwhile, my niece is not talking to me. How can I get her back and still protect myself? -- Rift

DEAR RIFT: You did the right thing. By all medical and scientific accounts that I have seen, being overly cautious is the only safe way to go right now. The guidance given for Thanksgiving will likely extend through New Year’s. This is with the intention of slowing the spread of this invisible, insidious disease. Whether you had health challenges or not, you should have followed the strict guidelines NOT to sit down to eat with people other than those living in your home.

That said, to regain your niece’s closeness, reach out to remind her of how much you love her. Tell her that you hope she is practicing safe engagement with others. Let her know you hope to see her as soon as COVID-19 is less of a threat. It may take time, but you need to play the long game now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)