DEAR HARRIETTE: I really put my foot in my mouth. I was celebrating a member of my family when I was speaking in a public forum, and I said something that hurt my aunt’s feelings. I feel so bad about that. My intent was to raise her up and let people know how great I think she is. I have apologized, but I wonder if there’s anything else I can do. She said it was all right, but she definitely was not happy when we talked about it. -- Mend a Fence

DEAR MEND A FENCE: What occurred is over. What happens in the future, you can control. Do you know exactly why your aunt was hurt? Was it what you said or how you said it? Be clear on the nature of the offense; otherwise, you could unwittingly repeat it. Moving forward, do not tell stories about people in your life, naming names, unless you have checked with them first. Make sure that they agree to have their identities revealed before you talk about them in a public forum.

I say that, all the while knowing that one of my favorite writers, David Sedaris, writes in detail about his family all the time -- without their permission. And he has said that sometimes they get mad. He does it anyway. Even though he has made millions of dollars off of what some might call exploiting his family, I don’t recommend it. Check with them first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have several family members who are mad at me. A week before Thanksgiving, they asked if they could come to dinner at my house. At that point, the authorities were already saying that it was unsafe to do. So, I put the kibosh on it right then and there. One of my nieces told me that I was being selfish and that she was never going to visit me again. I held my ground. I am in my 60s with several health challenges, and I thought I should follow the guidelines. Then I saw that lots of people didn’t. Travel skyrocketed during Thanksgiving. I pray that we don’t have too many people getting sick behind it. Meanwhile, my niece is not talking to me. How can I get her back and still protect myself? -- Rift

DEAR RIFT: You did the right thing. By all medical and scientific accounts that I have seen, being overly cautious is the only safe way to go right now. The guidance given for Thanksgiving will likely extend through New Year’s. This is with the intention of slowing the spread of this invisible, insidious disease. Whether you had health challenges or not, you should have followed the strict guidelines NOT to sit down to eat with people other than those living in your home.

That said, to regain your niece’s closeness, reach out to remind her of how much you love her. Tell her that you hope she is practicing safe engagement with others. Let her know you hope to see her as soon as COVID-19 is less of a threat. It may take time, but you need to play the long game now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a high school junior. It is time for her to take her SATs, but I learned that the test is not required this year due to COVID-19. But then I also heard that if she takes the SAT or ACT, it will make it easier for her to be attractive to colleges and universities if she does well.

My daughter is so stressed out because of doing school remotely and being isolated from her friends while she has tons of homework. I don't want to push her too hard, but I do think she should take the SAT. She isn't thinking about it at all right now. What do you think? -- Take The Test

DEAR TAKE THE TEST: I'm old school on this one. I agree that if your daughter takes the SAT or ACT, she will set herself up for the best options for college. The more information that schools have to evaluate students, the better.

I have spoken to guidance counselors who agree that students should prepare for the test, figure out which test, SAT or ACT, is better for their skills and temperament, and take the test. Many colleges and universities are still offering scholarships to students who test well and whose overall transcripts and personal stories are inspiring.

Do your best to motivate your daughter to be as active as she can, even if it's via videoconferencing, and as engaged in the testing process as she has bandwidth to do. It's worth it. 

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter got divorced last year. It was sad for our family, but we supported her. Her ex-husband had become very close to the family, as they were married for about 20 years. They had no children, but he certainly was part of the family.

Recently, he has been calling. When the pandemic started, he checked in to see how the family was doing. He has offered to bring groceries to me and my husband. He calls us once a month to check and see how we are doing. It is very sweet.

My daughter learned that he has been calling, and she hit the roof. She told us that we should stop talking to him since they got divorced. This is making it awkward. It's actually been nice to hear from him. I don't want to hurt my daughter, but I also don't want to reject him. What should I do? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Talk to your daughter about why she is so upset. Ask her to tell you why they broke up and if he did something unforgivable that you should know about. If he did, you may reconsider your position.

Otherwise, tell her that you appreciate his calls. He has been a part of your family for so long, you don't mind when he checks in. Assure her that you aren't trying to keep him close. However, he has been very thoughtful, and you appreciate it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an older sister who has been mean to me since we were kids. We are now in our 50s. We don't talk often, but I can count on her saying something rude or mean to me whenever we do talk. She is so consistent, I honestly don't think she realizes how awful she is.

I used to get very upset about her comments. Now I usually ignore her. But recently, she went in hard, bringing up old memories of me when I was an awkward teenager and pointing out how awkward I was. She went on and on about just about anything she could remember that used to make me squirm. I tried to deflect.

At one point I said, "That's enough." But she didn't stop. I have talked to her about this before, but it doesn't ever end. How can I have a better handle on how she talks to me? -- Mean Sister

DEAR MEAN SISTER: Decide that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. When your sister begins to go in on you, tell her you have to go, and hang up. Literally stop talking to her as soon as she starts to insult you. Even if it feels like you are hanging up on her all the time, be consistent. If you do not give her an audience, her vitriol should lose steam. Either she will get the message and curb her rudeness or she won't, but either way, you will not have to listen to it anymore.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been home for months, like everybody else. I have told myself that I can use this time to get my house in order. But I haven't done it. I work a lot and then I just feel too tired to do housework afterward.

This is not good, though. I have way too much stuff and need to do some serious purging. How can I get motivated to do this? It hasn't happened yet. -- Clean Up

DEAR CLEAN UP: I am a big believer in lists. Think about the big picture. What do you want your home to look like in six months? What will it take to get there? Go room by room and make an assessment of what you have to do to get your place in order.

Make lists by room. Write down each step that you think it will take for you to clean out that room. Define the steps in small enough increments that you can track success easily. For example, in your bathroom, you may list checking all beauty products and throwing out anything you don't use and sorting through towels to discard old ones.

Have a plan for where your discarded items will go. Some items may be trash, but others may be great for giving to those in need. Be sure to map out the exit strategy for items, because the process of purging will make more mess for a period of time.

If you keep your momentum you will be able to reach your goal. Do something every day, and you will feel successful during the process.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)